Maybe I can again...

It has been a long time since I touched this blog. Every time I considered writing, a piece of my brain would shut down. Am I ready to talk about mundane crap again? Or how about the introspective ramblings of which I'm prone. Maybe I can again, write a little. Maybe it will be good for me.

So since June of last year much has happened. In August of last year we plucked up our roots and transplanted ourselves from Kansas to Colorado. While I terribly miss my friends, I have not once regretted moving here. We experienced our first fall in the foothills of the mountains, our first snowy, snowy winter and now we are finally experiencing the beauty of spring. It is beyond gorgeous here. Our home sits on a little over one acre of land, of which is made up of a large meadow with Aspen, Fir and Pine trees. A little creek runs through the edge of the property on one side. We see deer everyday and are treated to herds of elk who graze and rest in the meadow on their way up and down the elevations. I've seen a couple foxes, one with mange, and several new kinds of birds.

Our daughter seems to love this new life. I try very hard not to be sad about the baby but it comes out sometimes. Mostly though she is just a normal kiddo. Curious, sassy, pushing her limits daily with that strong will she has. But she is growing so fast I can hardly keep up with her clothes and shoes. Her feet are huge, like mine. She will be tall.

The pups are good. Although Zelda had to be rehomed to a very loving home, she is still in my thoughts. We adopted a new pup, Gus, from Kansas City and had him driven all the way out here. He's become my shadow. Pit bulls are the most loving dogs I've ever had. He's cuddly, energetic but lazy at the same time. I just love him and everyone gets along well.

I think that's enough for now. To have just put down these few words is a lot. Maybe I can slowly heal if I just open the tap in my head a little. We will see.

Until the next time, tschus.

Even in my sleep

As I've mentioned numerous times, I take sleep aids at night and have been for many years. Chronic insomnia is nothing to sneeze at. Some nights I fall asleep immediately and some nights it takes me an hour or more to finally wander my way into la-la land. Usually it depends on how empty my stomach is, which is a great incentive to not eat heavy suppers or have snacks late in the evening.

This morning while dropping off my daughter at daycare, I tried to recall what I had done before falling asleep last night. I remember our new "baby", the pit bull puppy, cuddling up to me on the bed. She often has her muzzle resting on my hip or leg during the night and I wondered if this was just a Zelda thing or a pit bull thing. So I Googled something to the effect of "are pit bulls always cuddly" on the Ipad. That's the last thing I remember until my daughter woke up crying, again, and crawled into bed with me.

I found time to take a nice soak in the bath today and decided to read a book on my Kindle app on the Ipad. After entering my PIN, Safari pops up and I see this:

Talk about a slap to the face. No wonder I woke up feeling sad. I guess I was looking for any source of comfort online because the pain is still there. It's still raw and heart-wrenching. I know I've been feeling empty again lately, like my arms are always searching for my baby to hold. I think "he would be X many weeks today if he was alive." He'd be sitting in that double stroller with his sister while we walk the dogs. He'd be cooing and smiling around now.

But he's not here. He's a faint memory to most people now. I don't know if there will ever be any more children. And if there are, will I heal just a little? Or will this pain and sadness still be this intense? Here's to hoping tonight is filled with dreams inspired by the Outlander books or about our upcoming trip to New Orleans. And now I have to cut off this post because a pit bull just crawled on my lap and typing is annoyingly difficult. Until my fingers meet keys again...tschus.

Back to the beginning

For whatever reason, I still haven't received Week 5 of the Shred Revolution diet. I've decided to start over with Week 1 and keep going until I receive the book, once it's published and shipped to my door. Hey, it's worked so far and why mess with success? It's been about six years since I've been in the 150's so I am definitely happy with how things are progressing.

The hubs and I woke up last night to hear the baby gate open and close. Turns out Tobin was running around the house, trying to find his way outside because he had the trots. We got up to let him out and found he wasn't able to hold it! We cleaned it up as best we could and I went back to sleep. But my husband couldn't sleep and was up every hour, letting the dog out and cleaning up after him in the basement, where he was confined. UGH! So he didn't get any sleep and I feel terrible for him. Now I'm keeping a close eye on Tobin, hoping he doesn't sneak off somewhere. Maybe we should just invest in a big ass carpet cleaner. *sigh* It's always something, right? Car repairs, doggie diarrhea (cha cha cha) and a baby cutting molars. Wheeee!

In other news, my husband got my mom's old German clock working again. It's over 100 years old and has a very loud gong that I just love. We don't have it keeping time accurately yet. You have to wind all these different things a certain way and it's so tricky to get it right. I'm glad it's working!

My sweetie is awake again so I'm off to make breakfast for both of us. Fruit and oatmeal for me this morning and she's having a nice bottle of formula and prune juice. Mmmmmm good stuff. Have a great day!

Week 2, Days 6-7 AND Week 3, Days 1-2

Ok the family has left the casa de Bex and I will be able to blog (hopefully) daily again. I swear, I haven't had much quiet time at home to sit down and do this. The last two days have been filled with trips to the airport and doctors, doctors, doctors. Today we get a reprieve and tomorrow, one more doctor appointment. Whew.

The last two days of week 2 were also a wash. I was eating leftovers and only exercised one of those days. I am so pissed at myself but it's done. So on to week 3!!

Week 3 is HARD. This is the detox/cleanse week and you don't get to eat many solids. Each morning starts with lemon juice in water. Then you have protein shakes, smoothies, soup, etc for the four meals. The exercise is ramped up too, to about 40-45 minutes minimum. Thankfully I have had such sporadic meals in the past so drinking my meals instead of eating isn't a big sacrifice for me. My appetite is more controllable now so I don't feel intense cravings to eat everything in sight. However, I have rid the house of unhealthy temptations. Yesterday I threw out some leftover cupcakes and cake because they were getting dry and let's face it, I'd eat it dry or not as long as it's chocolate. But I got rid of it and only kept a few thanksgiving leftovers for Elsa to eat.

Last night I got in some good cardio so I'm really happy about that. I hope I can get some stamina to do it again today! I am seeing changes in my hips and legs from the cardio and that is one helluva motivator to keep it up.

Today I will do this 100% and kick some ass. Wish me luck!

PS: Some pics my brother took this week and weekend.

What wouldn't you do?

I've been blogging on and off about the fur babies. Our black rescue dog, Horry, has terrible hip dysplasia. Horry is only 2 years old. I am not sure what his story was before we met, but I do know he feared men, hated other dogs, has a large knot of scar tissue on his head and in general, he had "checked out" around people.

However, Horry is now a happy boy! He plays with toys, he hangs out with our alpha dog, Tobin, like they've been friends forever. He doesn't intimidate our submissive boy, Patton, nearly as much. We've had our Horry for a little over a year now and even though he's still phobic about thunderstorms, fence fights with an unfixed Golden Retriever AND has bad hips, we love him. You can just tell he's grateful to be here. His tail wags, he lets me brush him, he waits patiently for his breakfast and dinner and he also gives us licks on our hands. I was hoping he was a candidate for stem cell therapy, but he's not. So we're trying the next best thing while we painstakingly save for his surgery and get our house finances in order. So yesterday was his first day of acupuncture.

I assisted the doctor at Aid Animal Hospital in Kansas City, Missouri. I held Horry on the table while the doctor and I talked. She gently kneaded his back muscles and when she found the right "spot", she inserted a very thin needle into his skin. He only flinched two or three times during the procedure. As anxious as he was, he did lay down a couple of times which, to me, was amazing. He normally could not relax at all around strangers. We aren't sure if anything is working yet but we are hopeful! To see testimonials about pet acupuncture, see this link.

I'm sorry I don't have better photos of this. I really had to keep both hands on Horry to make sure he didn't step off the table and fall.

We had the discussion a while ago when we found out about his hips. He's so young and he is a part of the family. If we stay disciplined, we can afford this surgery in a few years. We also recently found out that Patton needs knee surgery! He has a luxating patella on both back legs. Sheesh. He doesn't seem in terrible pain, but with dogs, they don't show pain until it's pretty awful. Since Patton means so much to people even outside of our home, we will try and have his procedure done as well. I know so many people would not go to this much trouble for a pet. But our dogs are more than pets, they are family. And if this helps Horry, I may just give acupuncture another try!

Monday Mourning

Ok so last week I didn't get through all my daily themes I had brilliantly planned in my head. I might as well admit that with a baby who just started crawling, three dogs who are running away from the baby, and my own limitations, the blog is not getting refreshed every day. However, I will do what I can, when I can.

I believe what goes around, comes around. When I was a kid, I HATED Elmo. His high pitched voice, the Elmo songs I endured in DC traffic when my nieces were very small, and the damn Tickle Me craze every Christmas. My best friend and I would punch Elmo in the face when we saw one at the drug store. He was an outlet for our teen angst. So guess what my MIL brought to the house this weekend? Yep, Elmo. An Elmo doll and little chair with his big face on it. And the baby LOVES IT. It doesn't even talk and she loves it! Is it the hypnotic eyes? I have no idea. But I think this is karma coming to get me for all the wrong I did Elmo all those years ago.

That's about it for my Monday post. As for Elmo, I'm sleeping with one eye open from now on.

Poopstipation

Hi my name is Bex and my baby won't shit.

It's been two days since she last went. Oh sure, I know some babies don't go everyday. But when your baby is grunting, fussing, straining, and crying AND has a rock hard tummy, you know what the deal is. She needs a mega dump like no one has every imagined.

I blame myself. I have suffered from IBS since....well, if you ask my sister, I've been like this since I was a wee one myself. Apparently my mother would spend over an hour in the bathroom with me. Just me, mom and a big 'ol jar of suppositories. Such memories we all have.

I'm about to get some suppositories as well. We just tried another remedy though, and if this doesn't work, then I'll try the above. I feel terrible that she has to go through this. This poor little baby doesn't understand it and can't control it. I hate to see her going through discomfort like this.

So after the colic, the constipation and the painful pregnancy, I'm 99.9% sure I don't want more kids. This isn't Elsa's fault. I think with all that is going on, it isn't fair to this kid to spread ourselves thinner with more kids. This way we can give her more: more money, more time and more attention, if we only have one child. My body isn't cut out for this.

I am so blessed and amazed that we were able to do this with one kid at all. Elsa continues to amaze and thrill me every day. She's so strong. I love when she coos and makes silly faces. The way she sighs as she sleeps. And those big smiles she gives me! So adorable! But the poor creature just can't take a shit to save her life.

So after going back on my drugs, my RA is slowing down a bit. But putting two immunosuppressants in my body and sitting in a couple doctors' waiting rooms, I contracted a nasty virus. Thankfully I saw someone who prescribed some antibiotics for me today. I went five weeks back on my old drugs and already am sick. I'm trying not to be too discouraged by this. Goddammit I want to be healthy and strong. Instead I'm doped up on pain killers, muscle relaxers and now cold meds. Fuck my body.

But we had a nice Christmas despite the phlegm and colic. It was low-key, just how we like it! I hope everyone else had a good holiday season and are ready to tackle the new year. My new year goals are to get my ass to the gym and work out so I can achieve better health and sociability, find a mom's group (the local one hasn't returned my emails-what fuckers), and maintain a balanced schedule in the home. What are your new year's hopes/dreams/resolutions?

Here we are, some photos from the past week. Happy f'in Thursday! Tschus.

Nerd girl in the making

Zombie baby will eat your face

I love Santa!

Tobin enjoys his Christmas treat

Patton's Christmas collar

Horry loves being spoiled with holiday snacks

Oh Horry.

We had two fabulous nights of sleeping and only waking to eat and be changed. Then last night it was back to feral, zombie baby all over again. I slept from 9-11 and then another two hours sometime after 4AM. I can't remember when. Ron stayed home to work and took the baby in the morning while I napped. We are thinking that the gas in her body is making this worse but we could be completely wrong. It's happened before.

So today's twist was an early morning thunderstorm followed by torrential, non-stop rain. Horace finds this very unpleasant. In fact, he was in his usual thunderstorm panic mode this morning, trying to crawl on top of the couch, panting, shaking, and drooling. I gave him some of his medicine which helped but all day he's been a bit freaked out. In fact, none of the dogs have peed since about 7AM today, and it's almost 8PM. Yikes.

Due to the popularity (?) of the previous video blog, here is one today. Sorry, no baby included today. We had a brief moment of productivity while she was napping and this is what happened. Have a lovely, dreary day everyone. Tschus.

Patton and the Renn Fest

So much updating to do, so little energy! I have yet to blog about the baby shower but will do that when I get some more pics. In the meantime, here is a little Patton-centric update!

Our animal therapy group had a booth at the Kansas City Rennaissance Festival this weekend and we offered to hang out there for an hour. The Festival was packed with people who brought their pooches. I was so happy to see all the happy dogs among all the costumed people. And although it poured rain earlier in the day, we were lucky that it stopped before we left the house.

The absolute BEST part of the day was when we got to the booth. Two booths down from us was the tent for MOGS (Missouri German Shepherd Rescue.) Through looking for a dog trainer, I discovered that the woman who we got Patton from, was involved with this group. I went looking for her and sure enough, she was there. Turns out she is the group's founder. I reintroduced myself and before I could remind her about Patton, she looked at him and exclaimed "Eeyore!!!!!"

Turns out she remembers Patton well from his time with her back in 2007. He was one of four dogs that she personally took in after his sad situation. She said she remembers them because they were all about the same size and were so, so scared. And currently, MOGS has a dog that reminds her a lot of Patton in looks and personality. She couldn't stop hugging and petting him, and he was pretty happy to see her too. It absolutely made Ron and my day to have this reunion. I can't believe how one dog has touched so many lives. I feel so lucky that we were chosen to be Patton's mom and dad!

So here is Patton with Nancy on the day we formally adopted him, April 13 (Friday!), 2007:

And here are the two reunited on September 17, 2011:

There is nothing better in the rescue world then hearing success stories years later and better yet, getting to see that animal again.

I love the KC Renn Fest a lot! We got to pig out a little and I finally got my funnel cakes. It was a bit of a hike around and we didn't get to see everything. But that is ok! Next year I'll take Patton back with the baby. :)

Here are some more photos from the day.

Pets For Life booth

Patton makes fun of the Sheltie

A dog with a lady bug costume

Ron poses for me :)

Amazing, beautiful metal sculptures

I happened to see this dog being posed for the mermaid board and I HAD to get a picture. Isn't that hilarious?

Finally, here is Patton ready to go home. You can't see it but some little girl came by and got glitter all over his face. Ha!

So a very, very good day!

Hope you all had a great weekend as well. Tschus!

Injection schmecktion

Aww shucks, I tried to get shots in my jaw joint today but turns out that is rather specialized and only a doctor can do it. I saw the PA today and he gave me some injections in my knees only. It hurt to have my hips done but holy crap, that's nothing compared to the knees. Thankfully they do put some freezing stuff on your skin to help soften the initial stab.

I'm very glad that I broke down and bought my folding cane. It came in handy! I didn't need it much going in but I sure as shit needed it to get back out to the car. I have to admit that it was weird walking with it. A 60 year old man had to slow down and let me by, during which I apologized. He said, "no apology necessary at all."

It generally takes a few days for the shots to really kick in so we'll see if soon I'm beating strangers with my cane instead of walking with it.

I tried to take some updated belly shots since next week I'll be 6 months along. This is the best I can do without hauling out the tripod and camera remote.

And yes, I said to hell with doing hair and makeup today so apologies for being a bit more frumpy than usual.

This belly photo really doesn't do me justice. I look much bigger in person. Last I measured a month ago, I was at least 40 inches in the waist.

Last night my hubs and I were talking and I posed the question again: what if my breast implants triggered the autoimmune disease? And by talking to him, I realized that I was fucked no matter what. By getting the mastectomy and reconstruction, I almost completely eliminated my chances of breast cancer. If I did choose the path that awakened the RA beast, the only thing I can do now is to remove the implants and wear falsies. I'm not sure if I'm ready to do that, given that there is no definitive proof that the implants are linked to the disease. Interesting to think of though.

And regarding the pregnancy, there is a theory that some women go into remission during pregnancy because the father's DNA in the baby takes over, pushing RA into remission. Since that's an unproven theory with no studies to back it up, I'm not going to think too much on it. But by that thinking, Baby EK has all my genes. Which if I allow myself to think it, poses the worry: will she have RA and endometriosis too? Am I bringing her into this world to have a load of issues? I sure hope not. I'm not going to think on that one too long since I don't need the stress. But it's entered my mind ever since finding out the sex of the baby. God, don't let her have endometriosis.

Our doggies have been really great lately. They are all lovey and snuggly and licky. Tomorrow we are taking Horace in for his xrays and I'm praying that he doesn't have some expensive, impossible condition. I hope it's just mild arthritis or something we can manage with supplements and aspirin. Please keep him in your happy, puppy thoughts tomorrow!! Since we have to have him sedated to get really thorough xrays, Ron is coming with me to help transport him. Thank goodness.

Horr-Bear

Patter-pooh

All three of my little fluffy beasts. I love them so much!

That's my week so far. Hope you all are well. Tschus.

SUCK IT UP BEX

Sorry for all the blog posts in one day. I am trying to avoid posting too much in one post, as it becomes so miscellaneous that the messages get mixed up.

So my brain has been constipated by stressful thoughts and now it's exploding in mental diarrhea. I suppose this is the time to check in with my therapist.

Things are good overall but I feel a bit overwhelmed. I've been experiencing a continuous RA flare for about two months. It never really goes away but I do get a few days off here and there. Since I've gone back on steroids, I've had to increase my dose twice. My rheumatologist says I cannot go above a certain level. Because of that, if I have any joint pain, I'm to come in for shots in those specific joints. So I did get shots in my hips which has helped thankfully. Unfortunately about two weeks after the shots, all my joints flared up again. I can't go in and have 8+ pairs of joints injected so I wasn't sure what to do. I had a standing appointment with my OB and asked her about it. She advised me to temporarily raise my dose of steroids. I told her that the rheum said no way on that but we agreed I would do it for a week and then I would go back down. Now my rheum wanted me to go down from the regular dose. So rheum says go down to 7.5 or 5 mg and OB wants me at 15 mg, for a week. Erm. Da fuck? Well I did the week at 15 and have now returned to 10 mg. I called the rheum's nurse to report this, just to document everything. I wasn't really looking for her sympathy or for them to do anything other than record what the fuck is going on. (My disability case was of course denied and I am appealing. EVERYTHING must be recorded for legal reasons.) She told me to "suck it up."

Haha! I do recall posting about how I felt the "suck it up" attitude emanating from the medical community. Now I have been officially told to do so.

I do understand that because I'm pregnant, there is nothing else I can take to alleviate my pain. However, no one has told me if I should try ice therapy and if so, how long and how much. Or should I try modifying my diet. Or does the ridiculous heat index have a factor in the flare up. Or is there a low cost swimming program that I can do to get exercise.

I also asked if I would be able to get a temporary handicap parking tag until I have the baby. For me to ask for this means I have taken my Pride, smothered it to death and buried it. I don't ask this lightly. I don't ask for it for free. I am asking because there are days that I struggle to walk around and run my errands. I feel that at this time, I fucking need it. I have not heard back from the nurse on this. I'll give her until tomorrow before I call back and get a little testy. (Insert BEX SMASH here.) I have also ordered myself a collapsible cane for those times when I need something to help me get around.

On Sunday we were out at the bookstore and having lunch. We were gone for maybe three hours and I wanted to cry when we got home. My knees were killing me and I told my husband if we are having more children, they need to be adopted. There is no way that I can go off my meds and go through all this again but with a small child to look after. He of course is very understanding and ok with that.

I hate admitting defeat. I hate making myself lay on the couch all day and do only the minimal of movements because leaving the house and walking around will bring on another flare. I hate losing my independence.

But know what? I'm going to SUCK IT UP. I'm no longer exercising, going out, gardening, walking my dogs, etc. Mentally I'm going crazy. But I don't see what choice I really have. I've got four months to go and then I can take all the fucking drugs I need.

On top of that, I'm worried that Horace will be unable to live with a child. He's growled at a couple people, albeit during times when his leg has been messed with or he has been in pain from whatever is going on with his leg. He is having extensive xrays on August 9th to see if he has hip issues or an ACL tear. If it's a hip problem AND he's aggressive, he will have to be put to sleep. If it's a little arthritis or a tendon issue, we can work with that. He can be rehomed if needed but not if he has human aggression. I love him. He's so happy with us. He squeaks his bunny, is playful, loves to be petted and walked. He's come so far in four months.

So is $425 for three hours of a consultation of the whole pack of dogs fair? No one will do an hour evaluation for a small fee. It's three hours or more and hundreds of dollars. Add $250 to the cost of xrays and I'm about ready to beat my head on the wall.

I think the dog is mistrustful of people in general and he's had a hard life. We are committed to getting him a trainer who is not afraid to tackle this issue head on. However the costs are insane. I know they are worth every penny but the timing sucks ass. So I'm getting quotes on prices and references on trainers to work on this. However the heat, my health and this together makes for a crabby Bex. I know that if you take things one at a time, a day at a time, they are solvable. If there is still hope for him, I will still work on it. If I have to sit my ass in the living room all day instead of working out and visiting people, I can do that temporarily. That doesn't mean I will like it though.

PS

Here is my google image search of "Suck It Up." I'm not sure what is more disturbing; this baby's horrible outfit or the phrase "can of man."

You be the judge.

Tschus.

Bag of holding

What a day. I've been up and down a lot lately! The other day I sat in on a meeting between a couple ladies from a volunteer-run museum and the web content developer from one of the regional libraries. I had no idea how much I miss talking about and working on digital archives. Hell, just archives period! It felt good to "talk shop." I've been asked to attend the next Board meeting to help explain some archival terms and processes. I also forgot how hard it is to explain archival arrangement and description to people who have no training in the field. It was a lesson on thinking in a different way in order to explain things.

So that was nice and very needed.

Today I woke up with some cramping and bleeding. I know how common this is in early pregnancy so I wasn't too worried. And in my attempts to take out the garbage, two of the four mutts got loose and I ended up trying to jog around the neighborhood. Luckily, Horace stopped to take a dump and that was enough time for me to catch up to him. And Patton is old enough to know how good he has it at home so he was easy to coax back to the yard. Since "poor" Horace was so tired from his jog around the neighborhood, I got out his swanky plastic pool and filled it up for him.

By this time I was crampy and my tea was getting cold. I had time to think and research my situation a little. I decided to play it safe and called my doctor. Quite calmly, I explained to the nurse what was happening. After consulting my doctor she told me to come in for another sonogram. Oi. My husbeast was waiting to board a plane to come back from a business trip so thankfully he was able to make it back for this.

I tried so hard not to freak out but that's almost impossible. Immediately after I got up on the table she looked at the sonogram and said there was cardiac activity. WHEW. It looked much bigger this time and my uterus looks huge. She looked around, took measurements and asked some questions. Turns out the wall in my uterus that was resected must have left some scar tissue because the mystery blog was still there. And the uterus is still heart shaped instead of uhhhh uterus shaped. While she pointed out the head, limbs and umbilical cord, the feet started moving. I can't feel any of this yet but seeing it was a trip! It's like he was saying "Don't worry! I'm not dead yet!" *insert Monty Python accent here*

The ultrasound lady told me to take it easy, no tampons, no douching and no sex. I asked her how long on the sex. She kind of harrumphed me and told me as long as it takes. Then she said, "tell him not to put anything in there!" Hubby is dying during this, by the way. So I tell her nothing has been going in there since he hasn't been home much. Her reply: "Well don't YOU put anything in there either!" I assured her that as of late, I haven't been putting anything in my vagina and would refrain from doing so. You'd think I was treating my vagina like a bag of holding, +5. After much back and forth about what is or isn't going "in there" I asked her if I can still go for walks. This brought up a heated debate on how much exertion I have while walking the dogs. Give me a break! I can't walk? She said, if it makes you bleed, don't do it.

Seriously how the hell did anyone have babies before this day and age? Is it my malformed uterus, my autoimmune disease or is this individual just being a little bit extreme in trying to keep me safe? I told her I sit at home all day and my mental and physical health demanded at least going for a walk when I felt good. "Ok, just no power walking." Gotcha.

It's been a long day and I'm dead tired.

I honestly have not been doing much the last few days except house work. I'm hoping things heals up and I can resume being a little more active. Trust me, this experience scared the hell out of me but I'm not going to lay on the couch for seven months. Bat shit crazy wouldn't even describe it.

By the way if anyone wants to make me a dice purse like this, I would be super happy. I still have my dice somewhere....


Tschus.

Crazy life

The results are back on my sleep study. Absolutely normal: something I'm rarely called. My neurologist said it's classic insomnia. I suppose I was feeling extra tired because it turns out I'm pregnant. I am a little over 7 weeks now, so it's not too far along. We weren't going to tell anyone yet but once one person knows, everyone knows. :) Word got out and there we are. (I apologize to anyone who is finding out through social media. I tried to tell people after word got out but I know I haven't completely made the rounds through phone calls or personal emails.)

This was completely unplanned. We've been trying not to get pregnant due to many reasons, but mainly trying to get my health under control and to pay off some bills. Therefore I was not doing all the things a hyper-vigilant woman does when she tries to have a baby. I wasn't on any vitamins (I suspended my daily multivitamin when I came down with a horrible cold and my stomach was upset a lot.) I was taking pain medications and I had a few alcoholic beverages during that time. I'm sure a lot of women don't like to admit that. If something is wrong with the baby, then all the pointing fingers will be jammed in her face. The nurse tried to reassure me that the embryo probably wasn't attached yet during all this but who knows. I'm still on one medication that they want me off of, but I can't quit cold turkey. I'll find out more soon and I'm just going to hope for the best.

Of course, I could log back on here with a post saying I've lost it. It is very early, after all. But I'm going to think positive and pray that everything turns out well.

There was a weird black mass in the ultrasound but I'm hoping that's some old scar tissue or something. Again, hoping for the best!!

So far I feel tired, queasy and have a raging case of the trots. (I'm sure you all wanted to know that.) My back is also sore as hell but I'm thankful that Tylenol is on the list. Getting pregnant doesn't mean my existing health concerns automatically disappeared. However the arthritis isn't as bad and of course, there are no issues with endometriosis during this time. That leaves just the fibromyalgia.

Life is fuckin' crazy. I have no idea how I'll manage when I'm home alone all day with a fussy baby and my body is exhausted and in pain. Things have a way of working out and I'll have to start asking for help more. To be honest, I'm terrified. I've tried to read some of the magazines my doctor's office sent home with me. Reading them makes me feel nauseous and fills me with a bit of anxiety. I've just shuffled them under a pile for now. I want to take things one day at a time for a while. (As an aside, there sure is a lot of shit these magazines are pushing for people to buy. What a racket!)

In other news, Mr. Bex decided that Tobin was far too shaggy and needed a trim.

He no longer has the long, flowing locks ala Fabio but he is much cooler. We joke that Tobin got into a fight with a wood chipper. Lesson learned: leave dog grooming to the professionals.

So that's about it for now. I'm so tired out that I can hardly think straight. Tschus.

Update: the animals

The last week has been non-stop stitching and cleaning (more so stitching.) I was so happy to get all levels of the house vacuumed and half the house dusted. I also got the back yard scooped, which was a huge relief. Dogs are, if nothing else, very regular creatures.

On Friday morning I drove Samus the rat to the vet. Overnight she developed a huge lump in her belly area. The vet said it's probably a benign tumor and it needs to come out. These things can grow to be half the size of the animal and it could kill her by its sheer size. Poor Sammie. I took Ashley, her sister, with for the ride. While the vet examined Samus, Ashley tried to climb onto the vet to see what was happening. I know people think rodents are disgusting but rats are very social, inquisitive and pack animals. They cuddle together, groom each other and try to kick a vet's ass during an exam. So, in trying to work out how to budget this, I scheduled her surgery for two weeks. Hopefully we'll be able to squeeze that in among licensing the vehicles and paying taxes.

Fuck.

Also on Friday we picked up our former foster dog. Horr'y is back! So far he's hiding out in the kennel most of the time. There have been some warning growls and a general attitude of distrust but nothing major. I don't know what kind of "training" program he was supposed to be enrolled in but it didn't work. He won't come when called and doesn't seem as socialized as he was before. So we have some work to do. The other dogs are curious about him but not terribly so. Tobin likes to follow him around the yard, peeing on anything Horr'y even looks at.

I'll do some health updates in the next post. Tschus.

Delightful

I'm using the lovely snow as an excuse to test the new blog system.

My meeting on the Plaza was cancelled today because of the snow.  While we live in an area with normal changes of the seasons, it's as if the memory of winter is erased from the collective minds of the community as soon as the first buds of spring appear.  People can't drive in snow around KC.  They tailgate, they don't use their blinkers, they slow down almost to a stop on the freeway to gawk at wrecks and stalled cars.  It's a nightmare.  And the urban core is so spread out from all the suburbs that it takes far too long to get anywhere and with no mass transit (aside from a few buses), that means everyone is driving.  Often it's one person per car. It adds up.  Therefore our meeting is cancelled.  I'm relieved because on a clear day it takes me about 45 minutes to get to where I was going.

To burn off some energy, I riled the dogs up outside using a high pitched voice and Pupperoni treats.



Check out Patton's face (left).  He's juuuuust about to sneeze.



Yaarrr!! Tobin has Pirate Face. And Sadie is barking at me; as if incessant barking equals treats.



More barking!



Ok, I shut up. Can I have one now? How about now???



Fabio, err Tobin.

I would have made a snow angel but I haven't been able to scoop poop in a few weeks. That's a gamble I'm just not willing to make right now.

Stay warm, keep your pets indoors and take it easy on the brakes.



Tschus.

December re-cap

The end is nigh.  End of the year, anyways.  I hope everyone had a lovely holiday.   We really didn't do much as money is tight and family were unable to be with us. But it was a very nice Christmas and the first in our new house!

I thought I'd share some photos from the last few weeks.  I'll narrate here and there so it's not too terribly boring!Two rats are still with us. This might be it for small critters but I always say that, and then we get more. Anyways, they are fun to watch and play with. These two are super tame and love to be held and crawl all over you. The enjoy climbing into my cleavage and peeking out of my shirt. Scamps.



This is Ashley, albeit a bit blurry.



This is Samus and she is Ash's sister. They were enjoying some rat croissants. Yes, they are little croissant crackers for rats.



Here is my attempt at photographing Tobin in low light/Christmas tree lights. He won't sit still and you can't go near him without him trying to cover you in his saliva. He also has a whip-like tail and when he walks past the tree, he catches ornaments on his tail. Then he runs around the house, whipping everyone and everything with plastic ornaments. I tried to get pictures of that too but by the time I grab the camera, the ornament comes loose and launches through the air. It's very entertaining.



Normally this is what Tobin is doing, when he's not licking. Patton has taken to grabbing Tobin's neck and legs in his jaws. This inevitably leads to an ass kicking since Patton is half Tobin's size.





More common dog scenes in the house.







Horace, the big black lab/chow/retriever mix, came to spend the holidays with us. I got an email asking for a five day foster home and felt that we can handle one more just for a few days. Other than some mild dog aggression and marking a few spots in the house, he was pretty fun to have around. Since it was our first foster situation, we learned a lot. Horr'y is now at a prison in Missouri where he is being housed with and trained by an inmate. When he's done he is going to a retriever rescue in Colorado where he will hopefully find a new home soon. We might see Horr'y again when he comes back through on his way to CO. It was a rewarding experience but things got hectic at times. Luckily we have the fenced yard where everyone can go and I got some quiet time.



Christmas was good. Ron was happy to get some ham since I don't eat pork anymore. Here he is celebrating and coveting his pig meat. "Ron, come get some ham!!!"



This is normally what Sadie does while we cook.



We also exchanged gifts and Ron got me a topless pinup ornament. It's actually a nice, glass one. I had never heard of Pornaments before and thought it was pretty funny. Plus it fit in with all the pinup stuff I did all year.



I got Ron a Metalocolypse shirt to go with the first season on DVD.





It was also a good year for geek gifts. Ron got me a Bruce Campbell tshirt and a shirt and mug from blog of Hyperbole and a Half. (Thanks Andy for turning me onto that blog. I have laughed a lot while reading her posts!)

I also got Ron season 2 of Red vs Blue and Red Dead Redemption for the Xbox. We having played Red Dead yet but hopefully later today.



The last few weeks I've had an influx on orders through my Etsy site. I had a stroke of luck when someone received one of my pieces through her secret santa. She was so happy that she shared it on Reddit and I got orders from that. Thankfully due to those orders and some subversive ornaments I sold, I was able to order a low-priced sewing machine. Next up, geek pillows! (Once I figure out how to run a sewing machine.)

Annnnnnnnd I'm almost completely off my fibromyalgia medicine. I was supposed to get off it if I got pregnant. And well, that happened and we all know how that turned out. But since I had started tapering down, I thought I'd just keep going. I'm down to half a pill every other day. If I'm spaced out, crabby or in pain, that's why. I hope once I get used to not being on it again, things will even out. Right now I am having a hard time concentrating and have pain in my jaw, legs, back, etc. I have some pain meds but they make me dizzy and make concentrating even harder. I'll have to figure out if, after the withdrawal, I feel better or worse being on the pills. Trial and error I guess.

So LAST f'in thing and I'll quit typing. It's Sadie's birthday today! She's 14 years old. I have no idea how much longer she will keep going but she is such a big part of our lives. She's always been there for me during my first year away from home, a marriage, divorce, remarriage, all my surgeries and health woes, hiking camping, driving thousands of miles, moving to different states, etc. I hope she stays with us for as long as possible!



That's a lot to read and if you are still with me, thanks for going through this post. I suppose if I blog more often, there wouldn't be so much to post at one time. Anyways, have a lovely post holiday week!

Tschus!