December re-cap

The end is nigh.  End of the year, anyways.  I hope everyone had a lovely holiday.   We really didn't do much as money is tight and family were unable to be with us. But it was a very nice Christmas and the first in our new house!

I thought I'd share some photos from the last few weeks.  I'll narrate here and there so it's not too terribly boring!Two rats are still with us. This might be it for small critters but I always say that, and then we get more. Anyways, they are fun to watch and play with. These two are super tame and love to be held and crawl all over you. The enjoy climbing into my cleavage and peeking out of my shirt. Scamps.



This is Ashley, albeit a bit blurry.



This is Samus and she is Ash's sister. They were enjoying some rat croissants. Yes, they are little croissant crackers for rats.



Here is my attempt at photographing Tobin in low light/Christmas tree lights. He won't sit still and you can't go near him without him trying to cover you in his saliva. He also has a whip-like tail and when he walks past the tree, he catches ornaments on his tail. Then he runs around the house, whipping everyone and everything with plastic ornaments. I tried to get pictures of that too but by the time I grab the camera, the ornament comes loose and launches through the air. It's very entertaining.



Normally this is what Tobin is doing, when he's not licking. Patton has taken to grabbing Tobin's neck and legs in his jaws. This inevitably leads to an ass kicking since Patton is half Tobin's size.





More common dog scenes in the house.







Horace, the big black lab/chow/retriever mix, came to spend the holidays with us. I got an email asking for a five day foster home and felt that we can handle one more just for a few days. Other than some mild dog aggression and marking a few spots in the house, he was pretty fun to have around. Since it was our first foster situation, we learned a lot. Horr'y is now at a prison in Missouri where he is being housed with and trained by an inmate. When he's done he is going to a retriever rescue in Colorado where he will hopefully find a new home soon. We might see Horr'y again when he comes back through on his way to CO. It was a rewarding experience but things got hectic at times. Luckily we have the fenced yard where everyone can go and I got some quiet time.



Christmas was good. Ron was happy to get some ham since I don't eat pork anymore. Here he is celebrating and coveting his pig meat. "Ron, come get some ham!!!"



This is normally what Sadie does while we cook.



We also exchanged gifts and Ron got me a topless pinup ornament. It's actually a nice, glass one. I had never heard of Pornaments before and thought it was pretty funny. Plus it fit in with all the pinup stuff I did all year.



I got Ron a Metalocolypse shirt to go with the first season on DVD.





It was also a good year for geek gifts. Ron got me a Bruce Campbell tshirt and a shirt and mug from blog of Hyperbole and a Half. (Thanks Andy for turning me onto that blog. I have laughed a lot while reading her posts!)

I also got Ron season 2 of Red vs Blue and Red Dead Redemption for the Xbox. We having played Red Dead yet but hopefully later today.



The last few weeks I've had an influx on orders through my Etsy site. I had a stroke of luck when someone received one of my pieces through her secret santa. She was so happy that she shared it on Reddit and I got orders from that. Thankfully due to those orders and some subversive ornaments I sold, I was able to order a low-priced sewing machine. Next up, geek pillows! (Once I figure out how to run a sewing machine.)

Annnnnnnnd I'm almost completely off my fibromyalgia medicine. I was supposed to get off it if I got pregnant. And well, that happened and we all know how that turned out. But since I had started tapering down, I thought I'd just keep going. I'm down to half a pill every other day. If I'm spaced out, crabby or in pain, that's why. I hope once I get used to not being on it again, things will even out. Right now I am having a hard time concentrating and have pain in my jaw, legs, back, etc. I have some pain meds but they make me dizzy and make concentrating even harder. I'll have to figure out if, after the withdrawal, I feel better or worse being on the pills. Trial and error I guess.

So LAST f'in thing and I'll quit typing. It's Sadie's birthday today! She's 14 years old. I have no idea how much longer she will keep going but she is such a big part of our lives. She's always been there for me during my first year away from home, a marriage, divorce, remarriage, all my surgeries and health woes, hiking camping, driving thousands of miles, moving to different states, etc. I hope she stays with us for as long as possible!



That's a lot to read and if you are still with me, thanks for going through this post. I suppose if I blog more often, there wouldn't be so much to post at one time. Anyways, have a lovely post holiday week!

Tschus!

Embrace your flaws

I just wanted to post a "thank you" to all the comments I've received about my previous post, on Flickr and Facebook.  Thank you so much for sharing your personal experiences and your thoughts with me.  It really touches me and it means a lot to know that some people can relate, some think this is artistic and some just want to reach out.  I really appreciate it.

So in the course of my constant Facebooking and Twittering tonight, I thought about how we may mislead people about ourselves on social networking. Speaking for myself, I usually only post flattering photos of myself, unlike this photo:



As I was getting ready for bed tonight I thought back to an earlier Facebook post I made about weight and BMI. Some study (another ambiguous "They") said that if we are a little overweight we are still at serious risk for a bunch of health issues. Considering the fact that I already have health issues and that I ate a really horrible diet today and that my BMI is bordering on "overweight", I made the sarcastic remark that I'm screwed. Of course some viewers see my figure in photos and wonder what the hell am I bitching about. And really...what the hell am I bitching about?

I could be much plumper. I have a nice bit of hourglass going on. I can fit into most standard sizes if they range in the size 12 arena. And I generally feel pretty good about myself. To clarify, my issues are:

*The more weight I gain, the harder it is on my joints. RA loves to flare up with weight gain.

*Now that I've made it into two calendars (albeit the back pages) I feel more pressure to maintain or become a certain size.

*I'd like to tone up and drop a size because I have a lot of clothing that is a size 10 and not a 12. I'm too cheap to buy new clothes and my one size 12 pair of jeans is mighty worn out. It would be easier to go back to the smaller size rather than buying bigger and newer clothing.

*Vanity. I felt more confident and happier with myself when I weighed about 15 lbs less.

So I thought before I take my Ambien and become a living zombie, wouldn't it be a bit silly to list the yuckier sides of myself that I don't post about? It's not a pity party or complaints. These are just realities. I hope someone reads them and thinks, "holy crap, she's just like me" or "wow here I thought badly of myself but now I feel MUCH better!"

So in no order of importance:

*When I'm stressed out, I break out in pimples on my chest.

*I didn't know what an orgasm felt like until I was 27.

*My hair is usually very frizzy but I just got a bad haircut. Now it hovers between Hermione and Peppermint Patty.

*I'm extremely naive and until my late 20s didn't know much about sex.

*I'm asymmetrical. All over. My eyes are not the same shape. My boobs aren't the same despite having a mastectomy and a plastic surgeon reconstructing them. My feet are not the same size. I'd hazard a guess that one of my legs is slightly longer than the other.

*I'm extremely high strung. I get stressed out easily and have to sit through sessions with a professional on how to visualize my "happy place."

*I relate to animals better then people and that's why I love dogs so much.

*I can never remember when to use "than" versus "then."

*I have a very round face which looks really wide in photos. Therefore I try to pose for photos at an angle. I rarely post full frontal shots because of this. It's silly but I think I look like a doofus otherwise.

*I have a dimple on my ass. And I have a lot of cellulite on my thighs.

*Having IBS makes my gut distended 90% of the time.

There ya go. I could go on, but it would really be nitpicking. I love myself. Despite my illnesses and my neuroses, I think I'm a pretty cool chick. And I'm really happy with my life for the most part. But let's face it. The internet allows us to project ourselves as whoever the fuck we want to be, whether or not it's true, or even if it's only 1/4 of who we really are. Who are we kidding here? I fart, burp and sweat just like everyone else does. My life is not always charmed. I definitely have some cool shit going on but that's because I seek it out. It doesn't come to me, knocking at my front door. I've pushed myself out of my comfort zone on several occasions and luckily that has paid off most of the time. But I'd really love it if I could work full time at a job I love, not feel pain or fatigue all the time, not worry about how I will shit everyday and why my gut is so bloated, etc., etc., etc.

My point is: don't be fooled by what you see one a person's exterior, whether in person or on his/her social networking profiles. We're all a bit fucked up. Some of us more then others. Than others? See, I don't know. It's time for my sleepy medication and soon I'll forget the last 15 minutes from now.

Take care, love yourselves and see you later, or, as I always say in German...Tschus.

Art therapy

This post is about a piece of art I created to help me heal from a miscarriage. If this subject bothers you, please stop reading now.

I'm not sure how to start this post so I'll just go through technical details first and see what happens.

I started this from a photo that Ron took of me the night we got our first positive pregnancy test. Seeing the word "Pregnant" on the stick was amazing. I always wondered how I'd really feel about it and I felt a rush of happiness. I've never seen such a wide smile on Ron's face before! We laughed, I cried, and then we just settled into a state of nerves and giddiness. Vowing not to tell hardly a soul, we ended up spilling the beans to some friends, his mother and a few coworkers.

As many of you know, that is the kiss of death on an early pregnancy. Why this is, I'm not sure. The happier you are and the more people you tell right away, the greater your chances are of losing it.

Anyways, you can read the miscarriage story here if you don't know it already.

I printed off the never-before shared photo from that night on a piece of fabric designed for computer printers. Then I found an image from good 'ol Google of an outline of the female form. I traced it onto the photo fabric and free-formed a very crude uterus and blood puddle.

This piece is about irony and grief. It's a juxtaposition of the happy, obligatory smiling face next to a positive pee stick and the blank, mute form of a woman, bleeding onto the ground.







To be honest, just manipulating the original photo and then stitching this up made me a little sick to my stomach. There were tears. I had to pause a few times and just do something else for a bit. However, it is finished and now the preoccupation I've had for several weeks over this project is laid to rest. When I look at this, I see happiness, pain and some peace. It's almost as if during the process of creating something, you take all those emotions out of your head and put it into your piece. I can visit the piece and go through the emotions if I choose to, or I can just reflect on it.

There you have it. Art therapy. Eventually I'll get some mounting board and frame it so it can join other pieces on my art wall.

Thanks for reading and looking at it. I appreciate comments but don't feel obligated. Tschus. :)