See you on the flipside

Rest in peace little Ratchet.  You made me laugh, you taught me that God makes miracles in little packages, rats are some of the best bets in the world and you were the best rattie in the world.Give Rowdy some kisses for me...

melted plastic

Yep, I had a meltdown.  But I'll be ok.  I'm still kickin', still alive, still working on bettering myself and our lives.  Ratchet isn't dead yet, we are almost broke for the next week but can afford another round of rat meds.

Other good things: Upcoming trip to SoDak Husbeast still loves his job and is rockin' at it

Sadie and Patton are healthy It's no longer hotter than shit outside As long as we can save some more money, we'll be in a house hopefully around the first of the year.  NACA was a bust.  Don't do NACA. I still have all my limbs and motor function My husband is still my best friend and is a wonderful guyHaving a lot of stress plus fertility hormones is a BAD combination.  Wow.  The depression is horrible.Things I hope will make me feel better:Better efforts at overall general health need to be undertaken.  Therefore whether I feel good or am pain-free, I need to work out.  Walk, water exercise, running up and down the stairs until I get dizzy and fall off the steps, WHATEVER.  Anything at this point.Next step is to return to the low-chemical diet.  I've been eating and drinking more processed foods lately.  Bad move.See you later gluten.  What the hell, I'll give it a shot.Clean up this friggin' house.Lose 15 lbs.Uhhh.....start up a stitching project.  I have a general idea of something reusing a big frame I fucked up for a picture.Zone out at work, completely and utterly.  No more work stress.  Apathy is a must.Sorry this is rambling.  It's not really for you, faceless audience, but to drive home some things I need to remember.  Perhaps a little self-imposed cyber exile will get more things done in this house.Gotta go, time for zombie movies.Tschus.

Don’t fight Teh Crazy

I think I should just give in and fully cross the threshold of Crazy.  Why fight it?  Hey, a nice, snug sweater.  A padded room.  Twenty-four hour room service.  And lots and lots of drugs.  Sounds like a helluva vacation!

Since Rowdy died, my ex fucked up royally and now his daughter moved back to NE.  I won't see her very often and I worry about her like crazy.  Not that I can do much for her even if she was here. We did manage to get a night to hang out and I took this before dropping her off:



I'll make some trips up to Lincoln and spend some time with her.  It's only a few hours away and I still have friends there I'd love to visit.  It will all work out.

I've been trying to get out a bit more because that's what you do when you fight Teh Crazy.  So we've gone to the park and I'm walking the dogs more again since it isn't hotter than a fat man's ass crack anymore.  Sadie uses any chance she can to take a dip.  Notice the amount of algae in the water:



Patton's therapy dog training is going well. He should be approved soon and we'll start visiting assisted living facilities. I think he'll really enjoy the attention and mental stimulation.



We got his DNA test back by the way and no major breeds were detected. However they did find 25% Pomeranian and 25% French Bull Dog. Who knew? No Pit Bull detected however.

We also finally went to the zoo. It's a nice smaller zoo and we decided to just get a membership. The only bad part of it is having to drive through the 'hood to get there. We didn't get to see even half of it because of time and heat/humidity/nasty f'in weather. Here are some highlights:











We also attended a Royals-Yankees game in one of the suites. It rained. But at least we were in the suite.



And what else this month? Oh yeah, we found out that I'm not pregnant. FERTILITY FAIL.



There really is no explanation for it but all I can think is that I'm too stressed.Work has been extremely difficult lately. Going from a desk to manual labor and standing all day is not good. I really couldn't do it anymore and had to request to be taken off the big storage move. I felt like a piece of shit asking that but I can't do this stuff. I don't think my department is too happy with me but there wasn't any choice. I hate admitting I can't do some things. But even though I couldn't keep up, I did learn a new skill. Scissor lift driving. Not that I'm good at it or know how to do it safely. Ha.



So stress management is on "to-do" list from now on. More exercise, less worrying, no more lifting crap at work, standing on hard floors and driving scissor lifts into giant shelving units filled with precious artifacts. Once again I say, somethin's gotta give.That's all for now.  Tschus!

Where to start?

So much has gone on lately that I am unsure where to start or how much to discuss.  I have felt overwhelmed lately and that's why I am not blogging.  It's not all bad....so that's good!

North Dakota trip was great.  I didn't do near as much as I had wanted but that's because I was in pain from the endo and just exhausted.  But since the surgery, my pain is almost to nothing in that area.  Thank God.  We started fertility treatment and that is advancing this week.  But please don't ask if I'm preggo.  I will share the news when it's time.  If I don't share anything, you can assume it's not working.

We are planning a trip to Rapid City in September because I'm speaking at a round table discussion for the Mountain Plains Museum Conference.  Nothing too formal or in-depth so there isn't a lot of pressure.  I'm excited to see Mt. Rushmore again and just the Black Hills in general.  It will be a really quick trip.  We plan on taking the doggies (more on that below) and the ratties of course will stay home.

I also finally got my photo shoot done for my entry into the Pinups for Pit Bulls calendar next year.  Posing with two dogs is hard!  Hell it's hard enough just on your own but holding a pose, trying to look happy, sexy and sweet while  having some dogs run rampant at your feet is pretty crazy.  I had to laugh though because all the wonderful people helping out were making silly noises and whistles to get them to look in the right direction.   Little Laffy Taffy was one of the models and Patton also posed pretty.  I can honestly say I have met some wonderful, amazing and  beautiful women through this experience.  I would have never stretched myself so far if I hadn't done this.  It really doesn't matter if I don't make it in because I have gained some great friendships through this process.  By the way, Taffy is available for adoption and I can honestly say she is a total sweetie!  I hope she finds a great home soon because she is a great doggie.  I wish we could adopt her but Sadie is such a dominant female that I don't think she would do well.  Darn cranky Sadie.

And I got another tattoo.  These flowers grow everywhere in ND and especially on the hill where mom's ashes are spread.  It's a Purple Cone Flower  and represents mom and healing.



Last Friday Rowdy had another seizure.  I was home and kept him calm and comforted as best I could while he went through it.  Ron came home from work and we thought he would get through this like he did the others.  We even got him started on some anti-seizure meds that night.  But despite their sleepy effect, he could not rest.  He could not walk without falling and had a hard time standing up.  Ron stayed up with him most of the night, dozing here and there and picking Rowdy up when he tried to walk.  I knew at 2AM when I saw the pain and frustration on Ron's face that we'd have to put him to sleep.  But I was hoping by morning he would have snapped out of it.  I put on his little Thundershirt and covered him in my bath robe and he slept for about 4 hours.  In the morning he couldn't pee because he just couldn't stand up.  So when the vet opened up, I called and scheduled him to go in.  I wanted so badly to be there and hold him while he passed but I couldn't.  Ron was there though and he said it was very quick, painless and peaceful.

Rowdy was a great dog.  He barked and bayed like the little deaf dog he was.  He would hop instead of run because of his hips.  When he was hungry or wanted outside, he'd put his cold, wet nose on your bare leg.  And when he would stand at your feet and look up at you, his fuzzy ears flopped back and they looked like little wings on his head.  We called him Angel Ears.  He cried, whined, needed help up and down the stairs, ate special food, demanded cooked chicken and hated his paws being touched.  But maybe God brought us Rowdy to teach us patience to be parents.  Maybe we needed him more than he needed us.

Despite all the money we spent and that we took care of him almost round the clock in the end, we don't regret adopting him.  I would never trade that experience for anything.  We had less than two years with him but they were very fulfilling years.  My heart is broken but time will heal things and maybe soon we'll be parents of a human kid.  But we'll never stop advocating for and rescuing dogs.  Our human kid will just join our pack and we'll all be one slobbery, happy family!

The folks at Wayside Waifs are cremating his remains on Wednesday and they told us they would try to get his little paw print for us.  Maybe there will be another tattoo someday soon.

So that's about it.  A lot of good things and some bad things.  Here are some photos of Rowdy when he was happy and full of life.  Tschus!