Yo-yo

I am ashamed of myself. Forgive me God, for I have sinned. I have regained 10 lbs! TEN POUNDS. It is sobering to even type it!

What happened, you say? It all started around Easter. We bought all kinds of goodies for our daughter's basket. Well you can only fit so much in the little, plastic eggs so I started eating what was leftover. Also, why the hell did we even do the basket? It's not as if we would let a one year old go crazy and eat a bunch of sugary foods. So what were we thinking? I can't speak for my spouse, but I think it was an excuse for me to bring the food into this house. During my weight loss success, I could not eat what I did not have. So therefore, I never learned willpower or moderation. Once the flood gates open, it's hard to stop the flood. And boy did I "flood" my body with candy bars. It became a way of injecting my brain with that wonderful rush of euphoric chocolaty goodness. The giant "ON" button for a quick serotonin fix.

Also about this time I switched some of my medications. One drug I had been on had the amazing side effect of killing my appetite. It also seriously lowered my already low blood pressure. I became dizzy and exhausted. Half my day was sleeping while the baby slept. So the doctor switched me to something else and my blood pressure went back to the normal 80/110. My appetite returned too. Boy howdy, did it ever! So the appetite sharply rising along with Easter candy equaled a huge setback on my weight loss journey.

I am so pissed at myself. I'm pissed that I am still on medications that make me hungry and pissed I am an emotional eater on top of this pile of dieting disasters. By the time I attended the Shredder Nation weekend in Chicago last month, I was already up about 8 pounds. I even managed to gain weight while I was there! How embarrassing.

But I want to take this time to comment on that weekend. Other than my own setbacks, I had a BLAST! I met some really great people and I learned more about nutrition and exercise. I felt truly inspired and excited listening to all the testimonials. It was worth every penny. And I got to see a little bit of Chicago, my first trip to the Windy City. I bought a new purse and am now loving dehydrated apricots and dark chocolate covered cranberries. Dr. Ian was great and boy, did he run us hard during the workouts! I love Dr. Ian and what he's done for so many people.

Now that I'm back home and back to my routine, I find myself wondering how the hell do I get back on track? I can't go back to starving myself, which is what was happening on that medication. I am not physically able to workout aggressively. In fact my arthritis is flared up a bit and my fibromyalgia flares come and go. I could start all over with Shred and do that again. However I found myself starting the plan over and deviating far too much. I wanted some freedom to eat some of the foods I loved! I have heard so many people swear that Weight Watchers gave them tools to lose tons of weight. I decided to try a three month, online membership to see what all the hoopla is about.

At first it seemed pretty easy to eat within my points. But it's harder than I thought! I realize it's all about me making better choices. I am appalled however how just eating a typical meal with a meat, veggie and piece of bread costs me half my day's worth of points! They "nickle and dime" ya on this plan. Piece of bread, 2 points. Plus 1 point for a smidge of buttery spread. Plus another point for jelly. Three points for oatmeal and another 2 points for a cup of fat-free milk. Coffee is zero but if you put some of that delicious Coffee Mate in it, you have to add a least one or two more points. So now I'm at 10 points for breakfast and am only allowed 26 points a day! Ok, ok I must learn to start the day with less. Coffee and oatmeal, 5 pts. Lunch needs to stay around 5 pts as well as supper. That leaves me about 5 points for snacks. BUT fruit and veggies are free! However some of the members will warn you that eating all the fruit you want every day will overload your body with sugar, causing you to potentially GAIN weight. Good lord, you are F'd no matter what, it seems.

What's a girl to do? Shred, which has worked in the past but is a bit restrictive, or Weight Watchers with points that I seem to run out of by mid-day? What if it's possible to do both? And if so, is there any advantage to this method? Well I'm going to find out. I'll report back on that soon. Wish me luck! Or sanity. I'll take either one! Tschus.

Of Sound Mind

I just want to be healthy.

Everything I am responsible for stems off of a healthy Me. How can I feed the family healthfully yet inexpensively? How can I strengthen my muscles to better support my joints? Where is that happy medium between working out enough and overdoing it? I'm struggling to figure that out and I've been looking for answers for over six years. I just want to be healthy.

However I found myself these past years not so much searching for what I had intended; I was searching for a cure. I've tried alternative medicine and treatments, I've put all kinds of pharmaceuticals into my body, I've tried diet, exercise, singing Kumbaya until my face was blue. Nothing worked! It's only recently that I realized the difference between working with what I've got versus forcing my body to work like a "normal" person's body.. If you can't beat it, join it! Or something along that lines.

Just because I have these problems doesn't mean I can't be healthy. By saying to myself "I'm sick, I can't do that," I just set myself up to fail. I've quit before I've even tried. Wow, how many cool things have I missed out on because of negative thinking? Sure, I probably can't stand in general admission at a rock concert anymore but I can do other things. It's about being realistic and surrounding myself with the right support system. I can't run a mile right now but maybe I could work up to it someday. I can't clean all my house in one day either but I can clean one room a day. It's about setting realistic goals that build off one another.

But there is also a flip side to this: If I do all these things I supposedly shouldn't be able to do, people will think I'm lying about having these conditions. Now let me just stop you here and I'll reiterate that statement: If I stay active, exercise, and participate in life, people will think I'm lying about having RA, Hashimoto's, Fibromyalgia, TMJ and Endometriosis. This sounds absolutely crazy but these worries come from learned experience. Let me explain. In the past I went through a phase where I could do a lot socially and then my body rebelled; I'd make plans and have to break them. A LOT. A group of friends I was hanging out with called me a liar (in a round-about, passive-aggressive way) and I lost a whole group of friends over it. They didn't believe that I could go out to eat after a 9 hour work day last month but have to break off plans to see a movie or attend an event the next month. After a few times of having to cancel due to pure exhaustion and pain, there was an ugly confrontation. So in the back of my mind I have been closing myself off from people so they WON'T ask me to do anything. That way I don't risk them thinking I am a liar if and when I have to cancel on them. Maybe that's not something I should actively worry about but the experience has stuck with me.

I just want to be healthy. And instead of searching the ends of the Earth for my "holy grail" in the form of a miracle cure, maybe it's better just to be. This is my new self, for better or worse, and it's not always great but it's not always horrible. And if I can do one thing today and not tomorrow, to hell with what others think. If they can't be bothered to get educated on what I deal with every day, then they aren't my friends. I can be a healthy person who has RA, Hashimoto's, Fibromyalgia, TMJ and Endometriosis.

Tune in later this week when I recap the Shredder Weekend in Chicago that I attended last weekend! It was a great trip and very enlightening, as well as motivating. Have a good Monday, tschus!

SMASH time again

Hello folks. It's been another one of those weeks and with the culmination of this frustration tomorrow morning. I saw my rheumatologist on Monday. Normally I really like her but I listed off my concerns to her and all I get is: well your labs have always been fine. That's it. LOOK AT ME. Look at my skin, look at the circles under my eyes. LISTEN TO ME. I'm telling you things aren't right. I don't care what the fucking labs say.

Then I get the push-off to other doctors. This happens at almost every appointment. "Well this doesn't sound like RA. Sounds like fibromyalgia and as you know, we don't treat that. I can send you to someone or you can see one of your other doctors." So I say, "well maybe I can talk to my neurologist whom I love but is located way the hell over in Missouri." Then we talk about my extreme fatigue, the lack of appetite, severe bruising all over my body, etc. and she says it could be adrenal fatigue from coming down on the steroids that SHE prescribes. All righty, that makes sense to me. So what's next? "You should go see your endocrinologist or your GP about that, although most GP's aren't good at running those tests." ---SIGH--- I came home feeling a bit rageful and immediately refueled the rage by upping my dose immediately of prednisone. Then that night I was so crabby, I worked out for 45 mins to stop feeling so angry. By the next day I could hardly move, my whole body ached and my knees felt like sharp nails were driven through them. Oh well. It's ok I can take it easy, oh no wait! I have to dig out part of the driveway so my husband could get home from his business trip. So much pain. Sooooooooo much pain. And today? Today I had my TMJ shot. I can hardly open my mouth so things like flossing and eating solid foods isn't happening. I was excited for this one! But he put quite a bit of medicine in there and it's really sore. Plus my baby, once again, managed to clock me in the jaw. Damn kid could do some kind of baby MMA fighting, I swear.

So I begged my endocrinologist to get me in STAT to talk about this and hopefully run some tests. Maybe he can get me off this friggin' awful drug, although when I'm on it, I have less pain. Double edged sword. I am prepared to be told nothing's wrong, I'm not showing enough signs, etc. I am prepared to BEG for help. Please someone, for fuck's sake, help me. I'm so torn about this. On one side, I think maybe the doctor's are right in their flippant attitudes. This is as good as it gets for me. The pain and fatigue will forever be this bad. Or, is it the other side of me. The side that keeps fighting and fighting. NO! This is not acceptable! We can do better but I can't do this shit on my own, buying supplements from every quack on the internet! Some of this stuff causes interactions with my medications. I want to be safe and responsible but most of all, I want to make improvements. So wish me luck tomorrow. I go early in the AM.

I hate doctors.

Here is a quick pic of what I take every day.

These are the bruises I'm referring to above. The legs have the worst of it. But I get them on my arms, my rear end and sometimes chest. But the legs take the brunt of whatever is happening. I don't remember getting these at all. Sometimes when I lean against a counter, or push a heavy drawer closed with my legs, I can feel the pain. But most times I don't remember it.

How is this, layered on top of all my other complains, normal? I don't know what I'll do if I get blown off again. Hopefully I'll keep my language clean though. Well, time to get to bed. Guten nacht. Wish me luck.

Week 5, Day 137!@$21!!

Well Week 5 got blown to bits with all the rushing around for doctor appointments, a fussy child with two molars still breaking through her swollen gums and Christmas shopping and celebrating. I also had a batch of cookies to contend with (aka: eat.) I struggled through as best I could and begged for Week 6, but by that time, the book came out. So now that I have the book and full chapters, including recipes, I have two options: 1)I can continue on by starting over Week 5 and giving it my best; or 2)I can start over completely with Week 1. I am leaning towards starting over on Week 1.

I've lost 10 lbs but my momentum is shot and re-starting one of the harder weeks is making the lazy, make-excuses part of me take over my whole being like a robot Stepford wife. I have about 10 more pounds to go and I think it will be easier now that all the holidays are over. Plus I'm taking a long hiatus from drinking any alcohol so no empty calories to worry about. I know I can do this because I did it for 4 whole weeks. And even though I foolishly bought a bread machine half a week ago, I can do this! Even with all the carboliscious temptations in the house.

In addition, the appetite suppressant I was on came out with a new formula. I tried it out today and it felt pretty good. I am hoping it will push me on to lose the last 10 lbs. My hubs likes it a lot too so he signed up to sell it but we aren't hosting parties and forcing weight loss supplements down our friends' throats. However he is giving out samples to some friends and family who want to try it. Maybe word of mouth will lead us to a few more dollars to help chip away at our debt. If not, we aren't losing anything thankfully.

I really believe it takes a combination of things unique to each person to lose weight and feel better. I think I have a good mix of those things now. All I need is the willpower and perseverance to see it through. So I have my book, my supplements and my accountability buddy/husband to push on through to the end. But I guess it never WILL end, will it? The older you get, the harder it is, to lose weight. But my goals for 2013 are not just to lose weight, but to become stronger and healthier on the inside. I hope I can get rid of some medications in this next year. That would be one of the best side effects of all this hard work.

In closing, I would definitely recommend the Shred Revolution diet. I may not have dropped 2 sizes, or even 1 size, but I lost some inches and I dropped some weight. We'll see what the next 6 weeks bring! Off to sleep. G'night.

Back to the beginning

For whatever reason, I still haven't received Week 5 of the Shred Revolution diet. I've decided to start over with Week 1 and keep going until I receive the book, once it's published and shipped to my door. Hey, it's worked so far and why mess with success? It's been about six years since I've been in the 150's so I am definitely happy with how things are progressing.

The hubs and I woke up last night to hear the baby gate open and close. Turns out Tobin was running around the house, trying to find his way outside because he had the trots. We got up to let him out and found he wasn't able to hold it! We cleaned it up as best we could and I went back to sleep. But my husband couldn't sleep and was up every hour, letting the dog out and cleaning up after him in the basement, where he was confined. UGH! So he didn't get any sleep and I feel terrible for him. Now I'm keeping a close eye on Tobin, hoping he doesn't sneak off somewhere. Maybe we should just invest in a big ass carpet cleaner. *sigh* It's always something, right? Car repairs, doggie diarrhea (cha cha cha) and a baby cutting molars. Wheeee!

In other news, my husband got my mom's old German clock working again. It's over 100 years old and has a very loud gong that I just love. We don't have it keeping time accurately yet. You have to wind all these different things a certain way and it's so tricky to get it right. I'm glad it's working!

My sweetie is awake again so I'm off to make breakfast for both of us. Fruit and oatmeal for me this morning and she's having a nice bottle of formula and prune juice. Mmmmmm good stuff. Have a great day!

Week 4, Days 4-7 + 1

I have been terrible about keeping this up and I'm so mad at myself! But I do have a good excuse! ELSA. Haha, that kid is pretty demanding. And she's cutting two molars which SUCKS. She's pretty cranky and since she learned to throw baby tantrums (arching her back and screaming when you try to pick her up)I haven't had much time to shower, let alone blog. Blogging takes thinking and at least attempts at sentence structure and grammar. My brain cells last week were few. But at least this week the hubby isn't traveling so Week 5 will be better, blog-wise.

So anyways, about Week 4! Week 4 asks for a lot more cardio and you do see more carbs here and there to help with that. Although according to my very grumpy husband, there weren't enough carbs. Since he has a pretty packed workday, every day, he hasn't been able to eat all his snacks and wasn't eating enough. I did pretty well sticking to the plan all week, except for the days when my body hurt too much to do the workouts.

In the last four weeks I have lost 8.5 pounds! WOW! It would have been more had I not pigged out the week of Thanksgiving and gained back a pound. But who cares, this is still amazing. I've never been on a plan that: 1)I didn't quit after it got hard, and, 2)actually worked despite being on Prednisone. Normally the Prednisone cravings are so intense for carbs that I end up caving in and pigging out. Also it really does help to get all the bad stuff out of the house. I did make a small pan of brownies during Aunt Flo's regular visit and we ate them with glee and guilt. But we didn't gain any weight! And since it was a small amount, they were gone and out of the house quickly. Last night we ate raw veggies with humus with our meal and it tasted so damn good. I think when you stop eating all the crap, you start to really taste things again. You savor your food more.

So why +1 in the title? Well I think Dr. Smith is jammed with emails and I haven't received Week 5 yet, but I hope to get it today. So I'm just doing over the Week 4 meals until I receive this week's plan. I will report on my experiences as soon as I can.

Well the little BOSS is awake so I better get a bottle ready and go get her. Have a great day!

Week 4, Day 2 and 3

On Day 2 I felt like Superwoman. I was doing this and I was doing that, and then I did some more. I felt like I didn't have any illnesses and I was a normal, healthy person again! Until late afternoon. The aches and pains hit me pretty hard and I walked around like the living dead, doped on pain killers and muscle relaxers, cooking dinner for Elsa and playing with her. Luckily I got to talk to my mother in law for an hour which helped to wake me up. We always commiserate together and she's a great source of support for me. What a wonderful woman!

The menu on Day 2 felt less filling to me than Day 1. I think the diet switches things up so much so your body doesn't get used to getting the same kinds of foods every day. And let me tell you, you are not eating exotic foods. I'm talking oatmeal, fruit, vegetables, lean protein. You can drink protein shakes and I buy the generic ones from Target, Special K or the ones from Unikey Health, which are my favorite.

So if you are reading this and wondering if you can do this program, the answer is YES. You can preorder the book and it's under $20. Seriously, get on it!

I hate feeling like this but it could be worse. I just got to make sure I rest today and hopefully tomorrow I will feel better. I'm just going to go ahead and include today, Day 3, since I know I will just be following the diet, trying to drink lots of water and sitting my ass on the chair. Here's to hoping Day 4 is more exciting! Tschus!

Week 4, Day 1

Down 1.5 more pounds! So that's 7 lbs total. Wowsers! I feel so excited and proud of myself. I can actually say I've worked hard for this and I hope I can keep it going!

So Week 4 is a lot more cardio and you have to mix up your cardio in three 15 minute sessions. So 15 minutes of elliptical, 15 minutes of jogging, 15 minutes of jump rope, etc. Anything that's high intensity cardio. I can't jog and jump rope isn't really in the cards either so I'll need to get creative. With the increase in cardio you get to eat more carbs. Yippee! I love carbs. And they love me, so very, very much.

I am starting to wear out so I am calling it a night. I need to sleep while Elsa is asleep. She's been so cute, I almost can't stand it. At the store today, she was so excited at all the holiday displays. I wanted to buy every damn inflatable yard decoration they had but I resisted. Plus, those things are damned expensive! Looks like some people don't have my steely willpower...

Time for some zzzzz's. Have a good night everyone!

Week 3, Day 6-7

Day 6 went well. It was a "rest" day so I took the pups for walks and since that lasted a good 45 minutes, I think I did well "resting." The diet was ok until the late night munchies hit and we dove into a can of leftover mixed nuts. I guess there are worse things we could have pigged out on.

We did fantasize a little about pizza and chocolate chip cookies, two of our favorite things in the whole, entire world. I just have to keep my eye on the prize!! The plan states that the less weight you have to lose, the closer to the plan you have to stick. So these last 15 lbs are going to be TOUGH. And how the hell do you get your stomach muscles back into place after pregnancy? When I quit trying to hold in my gut, it expands by a LOT. Crunches and sit ups? It looks like I've been inflated with an air pump, jeebus.

Although Sunday isn't over yet, I will go ahead and give a rundown of Day 7. I was 10 minutes shy on my cardio because I felt so light-headed and run down today. I feel like I need a three hour nap but it's not going to happen. The hubs goes out of town tomorrow until Thursday night so things are going to be a bit crazy and exhausting for a few days. I hope it goes fast. Weigh-in is tomorrow and if I lose 2 lbs I'll be happy! Wish me luck.

Week 3, Days 4-5

Damn, where does the time go? I'm behind again but that's ok. Not much to report other than I did well on the last two days. Day 5 was especially good because I got all my meals and snacks in ON TIME and I ate what I was supposed to eat. Hooray for me! I also added in sit-ups to Day 5 because I am not sure cardio will eliminate my baby belly without some added toning exercises.

So notice this post is around 4AM? Yep, insomnia. This time I was awoken by three lovely things: a full bladder from trying to incorporate more water into my diet, a sinus headache from the dry air, and terrible aches and pains in my body, especially my back.

Here is the difference between a Fibromyalgia person and a regular one. A regular person will work out, feel tired, but great, and sleep pretty well in the night. He/she may rise in the morning feeling very stiff and maybe even sore, but nothing more than a reminder of the previous day's awesome workout. A Fibromyalgia person will work out, probably do some stretches in the hope for less pain later, will go to bed exhausted and toss and turn most of the night. He/she may even get up in the night to walk around, stretch, and/or take some pain reliever. I'm currently in front of the fireplace, covered up and waiting for my ibuprofen and muscle relaxer to kick in. I actually went to bed rejecting taking my pain killer and muscle relaxer because I felt pretty good and didn't want to be all doped up. I probably should have taken it, in hindsight.

This just reminds me why it's so hard to lead a "normal" life with these conditions. At least it's tough for me to get through it. I've always said I can do anything with a good night's sleep. And it's true. I feel so much better if I have slept well through the night. Last night it was a crying baby that woke me up and then I couldn't go back to sleep. This time it's my body being a big baby that is keeping me up. But at least I found time to get this blog post in! I'm finally feeling a little groggy and debating going back to bed or sacking out on the couch so I don't wake up my spouse. *sigh* Maybe he'll let me sleep in by taking care of the baby.

On to Day 6, my friends. Almost to the half-way point of this 6 week journey! Tschus.

Week 3, Day 3

Yesterday was Day 3 and I did ok. Once again I unintentionally skipped a meal because of some health stuff. Ever take pain killers? If you have, you would know that it backs you up pretty bad. I felt like there was a cement block in my intestines. I didn't even have the urge to go and my abdomen hurt so much! I went to the pharmacy and picked up the dreaded bottle of magnesium citrate. Look it up. You get to drink it the day before a colonoscopy. Mmmm comes in grape flavor now!

Drinking that stuff makes me so nauseous, it sucked. So eating more food was out of the question. Things are better today so I'm trying my best to do this all the way! I did come to a realization last night that I need to do what my body is needing. Notice I didn't say WANT. If my body needs a little bit of carbs or protein because my blood sugar is low, then I'll do it.

I forgot to mention that last week I gained back 1 pound. Not a huge setback, considering it was a holiday week. But disappointing regardless.

Sorry for the TMI but my digestive system was a huge factor in yesterday's diet. I did get in the cardio though before my delicious, grape-flavored laxative. *sigh* Time to go walk the baby and the dogs. Cardio, cardio, cardio! (And pooping!)

Week 2, Days 6-7 AND Week 3, Days 1-2

Ok the family has left the casa de Bex and I will be able to blog (hopefully) daily again. I swear, I haven't had much quiet time at home to sit down and do this. The last two days have been filled with trips to the airport and doctors, doctors, doctors. Today we get a reprieve and tomorrow, one more doctor appointment. Whew.

The last two days of week 2 were also a wash. I was eating leftovers and only exercised one of those days. I am so pissed at myself but it's done. So on to week 3!!

Week 3 is HARD. This is the detox/cleanse week and you don't get to eat many solids. Each morning starts with lemon juice in water. Then you have protein shakes, smoothies, soup, etc for the four meals. The exercise is ramped up too, to about 40-45 minutes minimum. Thankfully I have had such sporadic meals in the past so drinking my meals instead of eating isn't a big sacrifice for me. My appetite is more controllable now so I don't feel intense cravings to eat everything in sight. However, I have rid the house of unhealthy temptations. Yesterday I threw out some leftover cupcakes and cake because they were getting dry and let's face it, I'd eat it dry or not as long as it's chocolate. But I got rid of it and only kept a few thanksgiving leftovers for Elsa to eat.

Last night I got in some good cardio so I'm really happy about that. I hope I can get some stamina to do it again today! I am seeing changes in my hips and legs from the cardio and that is one helluva motivator to keep it up.

Today I will do this 100% and kick some ass. Wish me luck!

PS: Some pics my brother took this week and weekend.

Week 2, Days 3-5

Well we made it through Thanksgiving! This week has been very hard to keep to the plan. I am not one to ignore or throw away yummy Thanksgiving leftovers unless they are spoiled. So I've been eating small post-TDay meals. And for the first time EVER my pumpkin pie turned out perfect! It's my favorite pie and I've had a couple slices of that heavenly yumminess.

Thursday night my mother in law and I went to Toys R Us to do some shopping. We stood in line to check out for almost two hours. YIKES! Standing was tough for me (and her) but we made it and I even found some awesome collectibles for myself! (More on that in a post to come.) Yesterday I got some good cardio and maybe today I can get a walk in the evening. We are having Elsa's birthday party today so there will be cake and all kinds of temptations. Again, I'm not going to gorge myself but I am going to have a piece of birthday cake, dammit.

Overall it feels like the week is a wash. I'm debating starting over on Monday with Week 2 but wonder if I should just plow through into the third week. I could have tried harder to follow the diet plan but, as Lady of the House, with guests, I have been trying so hard to make everyone feel welcome, make sure everyone has what they want to eat and drink, take care of the baby, and try to keep my health in check. I've definitely been overdoing it and not sleeping enough. Next week I have several doctor appointments so it's going to be tough to get any rest. Oh well, onward and upward! We'll see what I can do with these last two days of Week 2!

Week 2, Day 2

Once again real life has sprung up and thrown a wrench in the day! I didn't do the elliptical at all but instead I cleaned the house at least 4 hours. So that better substitute for the 45 minutes of cardio. Meals were ok but the very last one I splurged on a couple IPA's with supper, which had a bit more carbs than allowed. But I think I'll live. :)

Not much else to report! Some family is in town now and I will be busy busy until the house empties again next week. Trying to keep my strength and willpower!

Week 1, Day 7

Another hectic day. We spent half the day furiously cleaning the house to prepare for our Thanksgiving guests. Then we attended a very fun birthday party for the kids of some friends of ours. Elsa partied like crazy! She danced and danced! Well, she did the little baby-bounce thing that they do when babies hear music. It was so cute and so fun to watch her play with the other baby. Love it!

There was also some very yummy food at this shindig. I will admit it, we lost our willpower and ate some forbidden yums. But we really didn't stuff ourselves, which I was shocked and proud to see. I ate some amazing guacamole, carrot cake and wine. It was so great to eat some of the food but not to go overboard. Have I been abducted by aliens? A healthy, cardio-busting cult?

To be honest, I've felt AMAZING this past week and the looser pants are great motivators to keep going. I am still very excited to be doing this. One challenge is that it does take time to really think and plan out what we're going to eat each day. Normally I only think about what I need to cook for supper. Breakfast in the past was a smoothie and lunch was either another smoothie or last night's leftovers. Now I have four meals to shop and plan for.

Tomorrow is the weekly weigh-in. I have no idea where I will be but I'm excited and nervous to see where I am. I did eat a lot of salty chips today so it's possible I am retaining water. Doh! I will report tomorrow!! G'night everyone!

Week 1, Day 5

Forgive me, in advance, if my post is a bit odd. My jaw pain is managed, somewhat, but I'm on some medications that make me a little loopy. And maybe sappy.

Holy smokers, it's still hard to hit all the meals and snacks on time with this diet! One would think it's easy to snarf down food all day but I find it a challenge to nail the snarfing at certain specified times. I am pleasantly surprised to realize that I do not sit on my ass all day, as a stay at home mom, but rather, I am up running around all gawddamn day. I used to feel so bad because I cannot work and I stay home with the baby. That baby and all the responsibilities of household activities are enough to keep me working all day. I haven't nailed down personal time for myself yet. My clock has been set to "baby time" for about a year now. But, I will work harder in the next few days to do better at it.

My husband has been so awesome this week! He's helped with the meals, he's changed his eating times/habits and he's been up before 5AM everyday working out. All of this just to support me. Whatta guy! Having a support system at home has made a huge difference. I don't think I could do this on my own. This first week has taken willpower and resolve. I am also swept up in the enthusiasm of the other people who are taking part in this challenge. If I do well, I could be on the local news, helping to spread the word!

So yes, I am a little excited about being a Shredder. If you want in on the hub-bub, lemme know. Or you can check things out on Facebook at www.facebook.com/ShredderNation and on Twitter @doctoriansmith. If you want to try the diet, you can email Dr. Smith and he will give you details on what to do in order to join.

So far, my pants feel looser. Weigh-in is on Monday. I feel confident that I will show a loss on the scale!

Week 1, Day 3

And so ends day 3 of my first week. Not a whole lot to report today. I find myself getting caught up in the day and forgetting to eat my snacks or mini-meals. I need to work harder at that otherwise this plan won't work. It's tough with the baby because I'm always thinking "what does the baby need now? Is it time for her to eat? Play? Bath?" And then there are the dogs, constantly entwining themselves between my legs, like overgrown cats. The minute the baby is placed into her highchair, I see three fur balls parked under her seat. And the baby has discovered how fun it is to feed the doggies her food! Maybe it would be helpful to set an alarm on my phone to remind me to eat. Who knew I would need some kind of external reminder to eat???

I finally caught the Super Cold Virus going around and the disc in my jaw joint is still slipping out of place. I went to the dentist today, hoping for a solution. Basically all I got was "get a night guard." I do hope they are right and all will be well when I get the Miraculous Night Guard. I won't have the ability to cough up $350 until January 1st, so until then, I'm on my own. I'm worried that this won't solve anything and I'll be shit outta luck. Since, you know, neither the medical insurance or the dental insurance covers this problem unless my doctors can prove it's the RA causing all the fuss. Anyways, I find that I can't chew much and I'm stuck to drinking smoothies for most of my meals.

Even with these constraints/challenges going on, I feel I'm doing well. I find there is a lot of flexibility among the rules because you have a lot of choices. You can pick what kind of fruit to have along with your breakfast, and you can choose oatmeal, Cream of Wheat, or cereal AND have juice. I don't know about you all, but that's more than I normally eat each morning. There are snacks scattered throughout the day and more mini-meals. You learn to eat fresh fruits and veggies along with lean proteins. It's great having structure with so many choices. Of course, no weight loss plan is complete without exercise! But workouts can be broken up so it's not too overwhelming. I wonder if housework counts.

It's too early to tell if I'm going to lose weight or not. However I am still excited about this plan and very motivated. It means so much to me that my husband is right alongside me, doing the diet, helping plan meals. He's my rock!!

PS: Right before I started this diet, the neighbor kid dropped off our order for Girl Scout cookies. We ordered them a few weeks ago and I had entirely forgotten about them. I can almost hear those damn cookies screaming to be eaten from the pantry closet. *sigh* Fucking cookies...so delicious. Do Girl Scouts earn Obesity Badges with each sold box?

Week 1, Day 2

Another day done! I can't believe I'm going to do this dieting/food behavior modification thing for 6 weeks. Forty two blog posts. Yikes.

I took my "before" photos finally today. I figured it's not too late to get those done just in case. Just in case I actually lose these 20 pounds for good. I have to say that many people tell me I don't need to lose weight. But I'm very skinny up top and too round on the bottom. For vanity reasons, health reasons (belly fat inches almost the same as my hips and my poor, poor knees), and because I really want to be able to wear all the size 10 jeans in my closet, I've taken up this weight loss challenge. So here I am. My before pictures.

I don't think anyone's "before" pictures are attractive, so I'll give myself a break. And my post-pregnancy belly is really bringing me down. But I'm hopeful I can look AND feel better soon!

I have to say that Dr. Ian is very good about communicating with all of us Shredders. He responds to Facebook posts and emails as much as he can. I think he's a really great person and his enthusiasm is contagious. I want this and I believe it's obtainable. I just need to stay focused! Doing the 45 minutes of cardio today was BRUTAL. I had to stop and re-start a lot. I am pretty fatigued now and took it easy for the rest of the day. Also my jaw problems are worse and I had to alter the prescribed diet to just liquid foods. I just can't chew much more than bread. Hopefully the dentist tomorrow will give me some ideas on how to feel better.

My baby girl and I played a bit this afternoon. She's amazing and what better motivation than her? Have a good evening and wish me luck on the next forty days! Tschus.

Shredding: Week 1, Day 1

We've made it through Day 1 on the Shred diet. I weighed myself to get my starting weight and I also managed to eat well and work out. The menu lists a lot of food to eat in one day. There are four mini-meals and three snacks. It sounds like a ton of food but it's not a lot of food at once. And if you can't eat it all, it's ok to stop. So instead of having big meals, like we are used to, we eat smaller meals with a few snacks scattered in between. It's not easy to retrain the stomach and brain to eat this way, but we sure as hell tried our best.

Since non-creamy soups are acceptable to the plan, and we had the produce sitting around, I made butternut squash soup today. I did not add any dairy products, other than a couple tablespoons of butter to cook the onions, celery and carrots. Blending the squash was interesting. I managed to have very hot squash bits fly around the kitchen and land on my hand. OUCH! Elsa just looked at me like I was an idiot. But it's done and ready for tomorrow!

I also bought a bunch of fresh fruit and veggies. We have grapefruit, oranges, apples, pears, frozen fruit, Brussels sprouts, zucchini, cucumber, carrots, onions, yams, etc. Holy crap, I feel my junk food genes about to explode from all this healthy stuff! But it's good to be on a real plan with frequent meals. I feel tired out today but I feel good overall, except for my jaw. It's still pretty messed up and it's hard to chew certain textures of food. Maybe a liquid diet is in order, haha. Fun times! On to the next day, g'night!

Prelude to a diet

It's that time of year again. It's the holiday baking, cooking and gorging season. I LOVE this time of year. I love baking up yummy, carb-laden cookies, cakes and breads. I also love cooking Thanksgiving dishes like roasted turkey, homemade cranberry sauce, and sweet potato casserole. And Christmas time? What's Christmas without cut-out cookies, fudge, snack mix and hot cider? See where I'm going with this? I love to eat just as much as I love to cook. This is not helping out the weight loss efforts!

I've been taking a supplement called Visi which really took the edge off of the insane appetite I have. I still take prednisone and recently added a couple more medications which have hunger and weight gain as a side effect. So it was working great up until the last couple of weeks when my appetite went off the charts again. I lost ten lbs and then gained it right back.

I also got my ass back on to the elliptical machine and that was great until my joints started to grind together in my knees and ankles. It doesn't really hurt but I can feel and hear the grinding and popping. I will definitely talk to my doctor next checkup but I'm not letting that stop me from trying to stay as fit as possible.

With all this going on, I happened to catch Dr. Ian Smith on our local Fox 4 morning show. If you have ever watched Celebrity Fit Club, then you will recognize Dr. Smith as one of the judges and consultants for the show. He is promoting an upcoming book and weight loss plan called Shred, The Revolutionary Diet. He asked people who were interested in his plan to tweet him @doctoriansmith to get a sample of his book. I did that and emailed him and next thing I know, I was accepted to be part of his nutrition and weight loss plan, representing the Kansas City group. So I start tomorrow on a whole new way of eating and thinking about nutrition. I've decided a good way to keep me honest and on track is to blog my journey through this 6 week plan. I think I'm crazy because this is the best time of the year, food-wise. It will not be easy to hold the hungry monster at bay over Thanksgiving! But I like challenges and am actually looking forward to giving this my all. If I do really well, who knows. I may be on the local news as a "success" story.

If anyone has links to low-carb recipes featuring Thanksgiving fare, please let me know! Thanks and I will let you know how Day 1 goes!! Tschus. :)