It's been two days since she last went. Oh sure, I know some babies don't go everyday. But when your baby is grunting, fussing, straining, and crying AND has a rock hard tummy, you know what the deal is. She needs a mega dump like no one has every imagined.
I blame myself. I have suffered from IBS since....well, if you ask my sister, I've been like this since I was a wee one myself. Apparently my mother would spend over an hour in the bathroom with me. Just me, mom and a big 'ol jar of suppositories. Such memories we all have.
I'm about to get some suppositories as well. We just tried another remedy though, and if this doesn't work, then I'll try the above. I feel terrible that she has to go through this. This poor little baby doesn't understand it and can't control it. I hate to see her going through discomfort like this.
So after the colic, the constipation and the painful pregnancy, I'm 99.9% sure I don't want more kids. This isn't Elsa's fault. I think with all that is going on, it isn't fair to this kid to spread ourselves thinner with more kids. This way we can give her more: more money, more time and more attention, if we only have one child. My body isn't cut out for this.
I am so blessed and amazed that we were able to do this with one kid at all. Elsa continues to amaze and thrill me every day. She's so strong. I love when she coos and makes silly faces. The way she sighs as she sleeps. And those big smiles she gives me! So adorable! But the poor creature just can't take a shit to save her life.
So after going back on my drugs, my RA is slowing down a bit. But putting two immunosuppressants in my body and sitting in a couple doctors' waiting rooms, I contracted a nasty virus. Thankfully I saw someone who prescribed some antibiotics for me today. I went five weeks back on my old drugs and already am sick. I'm trying not to be too discouraged by this. Goddammit I want to be healthy and strong. Instead I'm doped up on pain killers, muscle relaxers and now cold meds. Fuck my body.
But we had a nice Christmas despite the phlegm and colic. It was low-key, just how we like it! I hope everyone else had a good holiday season and are ready to tackle the new year. My new year goals are to get my ass to the gym and work out so I can achieve better health and sociability, find a mom's group (the local one hasn't returned my emails-what fuckers), and maintain a balanced schedule in the home. What are your new year's hopes/dreams/resolutions?
Here we are, some photos from the past week. Happy f'in Thursday! Tschus.
Nerd girl in the making
Zombie baby will eat your face
I love Santa!
Tobin enjoys his Christmas treat
Patton's Christmas collar
Horry loves being spoiled with holiday snacks
