Week 5, Days 1-3. And, I'm Too Old For This Shit

Yesssssssssss I got Week 5 and wowsers, there are a lot more rules to follow. I'm trying really hard to abide but still feel like I am straggling behind. I swear, every time I turn around, I'm fetching something for the baby, making her food, cleaning her up, entertaining her, pleading with her to nap, etc. And when she does finally nap, I collapse on the recliner and sit there like a lump, oblivious to my needs, the time, or whatever. I can't tell you how many times I find myself in the bathroom, trying to concentrate on peeing while I listen to Elsa cry because I suddenly had to leave her alone for 5 minutes. Uffda.

Needless to say, I am doing the best I can but not doing it perfectly. This week is more of the detox plan and there is no wiggle room. I am struggling to do the required workouts because I am so tired out from the full time mom gig. There have been a few times lately that I hop on my elliptical, give it a few turns and flop back onto the couch. Yesterday I actually quit trying, lay down on the couch and slept for a half an hour, crunched up on the little couch with a giant comforter smashed around my head for cushion. I'm just so unbelievably tired. I feel like I could sleep for a week if I had no one at home to care for and a catheter bag.

But my spouse is home from his travels and done hosting work dinners for a bit so I have some "me" time. I wasted it tonight imbibing a little and then trying to make some traditional German Christmas cookies that my mom used to make. They are called Pfeffernuesse cookies and they are a bit of an acquired taste. This recipe uses cloves, cinnamon, anise, nutmeg, dark coffee, sugar, honey, baking soda and flour. You then roll them into a ball and bake. Once cooled slightly, they are then rolled in confectioner's sugar. If you bake them too long, they are as hard as bricks. But baked just right, they are so good. However, after having a bit of Southern Comfort Pepper liquor and then taste-testing this spicy batter, I started having horrible back and stomach pains. Pretty soon I found myself on the floor, rolling around like I was dying. Oh heartburn, I love you so! I NEVER had heartburn until I was pregnant. (And no, I'm not pregnant.) The last time I threw up was when I was pregnant and before that was right after my mastectomy. I never puke. But this time, with the heartburn so painful, I finally made myself do it. And it was the fun kind, where you piss yourself a little from the terrible convulsions. TMI? Oh, maybe just a little. Thankfully I am married to the most amazing and wonderful person in the world. He first tried to give me milk and Zantac to help my pain. After sitting and sobbing on the floor, our dog Tobin casually walked over to my glass of milk and started slurping the contents, so Ron ran out and bought me Tums and Pepto. While he was gone I did the dreaded vomitus inductus. Granted, I was an anorexic in high school but I never stepped up to the bulimia tier of my eating disorder. (I enjoy eating too much which is why I thankfully failed at continuing the eating disorder, although I still manifest traits of it once in a while.) I absolutely hate throwing up, so for me to do that tonight just emphasizes the distress I felt. But the magical Pepto did the trick and, after a short bath, I am somewhat back to normal. The cookies, however, have not been made. I will get to them tomorrow. Just the thought of tasting the batter and smelling them right now makes me feel ill, I don't know why. Maybe they just heighten the yuck that is Southern Comfort.

Either way, I'm too old for this shit .

The good news is that I'm down 10 pounds since I started this plan. Shhhh....I weighed myself early. I look and feel a lot better, sans this evenings antics. My carb cravings are greatly reduced. I still notice them when I'm hungry and walking through the bakery aisle of the grocery store. (Oh those super thick and soft sugar cookies loaded with frosting and sprinkles? I could eat a whole thing of them. I don't care how sick it would make me. God, I love frosted sugar cookies.) But if I don't have the temptations constantly around me, I don't crave it as much. Hopefully that means some bad habits are finally broken.

Well it's way past my bedtime. I hope you all are doing better and acting smarter than I am. No more booze and baking experiments for this gal. Mein Gott, I can take a lot of pain but I cannot take the awful pain of a full blown attack of heartburn. Wowsa! Have a good night everyone. Tschus.

Prelude to a diet

It's that time of year again. It's the holiday baking, cooking and gorging season. I LOVE this time of year. I love baking up yummy, carb-laden cookies, cakes and breads. I also love cooking Thanksgiving dishes like roasted turkey, homemade cranberry sauce, and sweet potato casserole. And Christmas time? What's Christmas without cut-out cookies, fudge, snack mix and hot cider? See where I'm going with this? I love to eat just as much as I love to cook. This is not helping out the weight loss efforts!

I've been taking a supplement called Visi which really took the edge off of the insane appetite I have. I still take prednisone and recently added a couple more medications which have hunger and weight gain as a side effect. So it was working great up until the last couple of weeks when my appetite went off the charts again. I lost ten lbs and then gained it right back.

I also got my ass back on to the elliptical machine and that was great until my joints started to grind together in my knees and ankles. It doesn't really hurt but I can feel and hear the grinding and popping. I will definitely talk to my doctor next checkup but I'm not letting that stop me from trying to stay as fit as possible.

With all this going on, I happened to catch Dr. Ian Smith on our local Fox 4 morning show. If you have ever watched Celebrity Fit Club, then you will recognize Dr. Smith as one of the judges and consultants for the show. He is promoting an upcoming book and weight loss plan called Shred, The Revolutionary Diet. He asked people who were interested in his plan to tweet him @doctoriansmith to get a sample of his book. I did that and emailed him and next thing I know, I was accepted to be part of his nutrition and weight loss plan, representing the Kansas City group. So I start tomorrow on a whole new way of eating and thinking about nutrition. I've decided a good way to keep me honest and on track is to blog my journey through this 6 week plan. I think I'm crazy because this is the best time of the year, food-wise. It will not be easy to hold the hungry monster at bay over Thanksgiving! But I like challenges and am actually looking forward to giving this my all. If I do really well, who knows. I may be on the local news as a "success" story.

If anyone has links to low-carb recipes featuring Thanksgiving fare, please let me know! Thanks and I will let you know how Day 1 goes!! Tschus. :)

Finding that "happy place"

I can't believe we're half way through June. Every day is another adventure! My wee one is crawling, saying Momma and Da Da, got her first tooth and can pull herself into a standing position, if very motivated. Time goes so quickly.

The organic experiment in the house is going well. I find myself trying new recipes to use up the produce before it spoils. Today I had regular blueberries and organic strawberries to use up so I tried this recipe for Blueberry and Strawberry Buttermilk Cake. I wish I had read through the comments because I made one mistake. I should have cut up the fruit into smaller pieces. Too much fruit, or too large of pieces, make it harder for the cake portion to bake through properly and evenly. Therefore mine is a little overdone because the toothpick kept coming up with batter. Despite being overcooked, it really is a light-tasting cake and the flavor of the berries is just right. I would have taken a picture but mine sure doesn't look like the one on the website! Now I still need to use up some small potatoes, carrots and radishes. That should be easy.

I will not lie. The last few weeks has not been my best. I think I let the stress of going from doctor to doctor to doctor, never getting any time out for myself and have some fun, really get to me. I remember a time when, although stressed, I wasn't out to try and be someone I am not. I think in the last twelve months I've been trying to be what I think others expect of me. I quit stitching things that make me happy and was trying to figure out what super artsy thing I should be doing. I stopped listening to my voice and listened to all the others telling me to behave this way, do this, react that way instead, etc. Once I stopped listening, once all the opinions and influences were shut out of my head, I realized that no matter which way I go, all roads end up at the same place.

I can't go on like this, going to four or five appointments every week. I'm letting all this take over my life and it sucks. So! Hopefully I'm at the maintenance level now and I can just go a couple times a month from now on. Even better if I can get off some medications too down the road. Almost two months of 3-5 appointments a week is shitty. Maybe it's time to revisit acupuncture.

Even though I probably burned some bridges, I am feeling more peaceful. I feel like I've finally accepted that these conditions aren't going away. Having these issues is not extraordinary; it's normal. This is my new normal and some days will be worse or better than others. But there is no need to dwell on something that is an every day thing now, right? And I don't need to convince anyone that I hurt, or I'm exhausted. If they don't believe me, that's their problem. I don't have to like my situation either, and it's only a small piece of the greater picture. I have more good things in my life than bad.

That brings me to the HAPPY PLACE. To get back to my happy place (not to be confused with a happy ending) I made a list of things I would like to stitch and I spent two, painstaking days working out all the details of the first pattern. My spouse and I have a new blog in the works and I'm re-watching all the Harry Potter movies. Right now I'm laying on the floor (because I feel like shit) with my beautiful, silly and smart baby girl while we (I) watch Harry Potter. Such simple things, and yet it took me so long to get back to the basics.

I have to go now. EK and I have more Harry Potter to watch. More like I am trying to watch the movie while she tries to eat my hat. Have a good day. Tschus.