Of Sound Mind

I just want to be healthy.

Everything I am responsible for stems off of a healthy Me. How can I feed the family healthfully yet inexpensively? How can I strengthen my muscles to better support my joints? Where is that happy medium between working out enough and overdoing it? I'm struggling to figure that out and I've been looking for answers for over six years. I just want to be healthy.

However I found myself these past years not so much searching for what I had intended; I was searching for a cure. I've tried alternative medicine and treatments, I've put all kinds of pharmaceuticals into my body, I've tried diet, exercise, singing Kumbaya until my face was blue. Nothing worked! It's only recently that I realized the difference between working with what I've got versus forcing my body to work like a "normal" person's body.. If you can't beat it, join it! Or something along that lines.

Just because I have these problems doesn't mean I can't be healthy. By saying to myself "I'm sick, I can't do that," I just set myself up to fail. I've quit before I've even tried. Wow, how many cool things have I missed out on because of negative thinking? Sure, I probably can't stand in general admission at a rock concert anymore but I can do other things. It's about being realistic and surrounding myself with the right support system. I can't run a mile right now but maybe I could work up to it someday. I can't clean all my house in one day either but I can clean one room a day. It's about setting realistic goals that build off one another.

But there is also a flip side to this: If I do all these things I supposedly shouldn't be able to do, people will think I'm lying about having these conditions. Now let me just stop you here and I'll reiterate that statement: If I stay active, exercise, and participate in life, people will think I'm lying about having RA, Hashimoto's, Fibromyalgia, TMJ and Endometriosis. This sounds absolutely crazy but these worries come from learned experience. Let me explain. In the past I went through a phase where I could do a lot socially and then my body rebelled; I'd make plans and have to break them. A LOT. A group of friends I was hanging out with called me a liar (in a round-about, passive-aggressive way) and I lost a whole group of friends over it. They didn't believe that I could go out to eat after a 9 hour work day last month but have to break off plans to see a movie or attend an event the next month. After a few times of having to cancel due to pure exhaustion and pain, there was an ugly confrontation. So in the back of my mind I have been closing myself off from people so they WON'T ask me to do anything. That way I don't risk them thinking I am a liar if and when I have to cancel on them. Maybe that's not something I should actively worry about but the experience has stuck with me.

I just want to be healthy. And instead of searching the ends of the Earth for my "holy grail" in the form of a miracle cure, maybe it's better just to be. This is my new self, for better or worse, and it's not always great but it's not always horrible. And if I can do one thing today and not tomorrow, to hell with what others think. If they can't be bothered to get educated on what I deal with every day, then they aren't my friends. I can be a healthy person who has RA, Hashimoto's, Fibromyalgia, TMJ and Endometriosis.

Tune in later this week when I recap the Shredder Weekend in Chicago that I attended last weekend! It was a great trip and very enlightening, as well as motivating. Have a good Monday, tschus!

Bex Blitz

Hello faceless void, aka interwebz! This week I bring you news of my successes and the direction I find myself meandering towards. As of late, I have Shredded 20 lbs! I can't tell you how much my life has changed for the better because of the Shred Revolution diet and lifestyle. I've lost weight, gained confidence, made friends and set new goals for myself.

Early in February I was fortunate enough to head up to Fox 4 and meet Dr. Ian Smith himself! I also met my cyber friend Sheri who has become a real life friend now. I cannot tell you how nice and caring Dr. Smith is. He truly cares about people and wants to help anyone interested in losing weight and gaining better health. I just cannot recommend this enough to other people! Sheri has been great to me when I've felt down about my roadblocks and I look forward to spending more time with her in the near future.

So if you are interested in seeing Sheri and I with Dr. Smith on Fox 4, here is the video. More information can be found here on the Fox 4 website or here on Dr. Smith's site. There is also a very active community of people on Facebook and Twitter.

Click HERE for the video.

I had my cravings under control and in fact, I didn't want to eat for weeks. I mentioned previously that I didn't feel well. Even worse than usual. My doctors didn't seem to know why or think there was anything really worrisome about it. After researching it myself, I found that when coming off prednisone, a person can experience adrenal fatigue. Some symptoms of your body not producing enough coritisol (the stress hormone) on its own are lower blood pressure, fatigue, lack of appetite. Oh shit! Well that makes sense. But I never thought this could happen to me because I was tapering down so slowly and because I hadn't been on, what my doctors say, is a very high dose. Let me tell you. Fuck the doctors. I know my body better than they do. I KNOW when something's not right and I felt so bad, that I was scared to take my meds. I was scared to take my nighttime pills because I was afraid I wouldn't wake up in the morning. Now maybe I was being paranoid, but when your blood pressure feels low and is commented on at every damn different medical office you go to, except for the doctor I complained to, and I feel dizzy and almost faint when standing, then you know it's a problem. So I begrudgingly went back up on the prednisone. And guess what? I'm starving. I pray that getting back on a strict regimen of Shred will help keep the weight from creeping back on and keep me from eating the entire house. Another stumbling block!!

But right this minute I am going to celebrate the 20 lb loss. I hope my blog next year isn't describing a Bex who is back to battling the bulge, back where I started and more. So here is my before and after shot. Before is when EK was about 5 months and now she's 15 months. I'm proud of the work I've done. I hope I can keep it up and this blog will reflect all the achievements and setbacks. By blogging I hope to keep things in perspective and stay accountable. Being healthy is not easy. You have to work at it all the time. Being sick is very easy: you just do nothing.

SMASH time again

Hello folks. It's been another one of those weeks and with the culmination of this frustration tomorrow morning. I saw my rheumatologist on Monday. Normally I really like her but I listed off my concerns to her and all I get is: well your labs have always been fine. That's it. LOOK AT ME. Look at my skin, look at the circles under my eyes. LISTEN TO ME. I'm telling you things aren't right. I don't care what the fucking labs say.

Then I get the push-off to other doctors. This happens at almost every appointment. "Well this doesn't sound like RA. Sounds like fibromyalgia and as you know, we don't treat that. I can send you to someone or you can see one of your other doctors." So I say, "well maybe I can talk to my neurologist whom I love but is located way the hell over in Missouri." Then we talk about my extreme fatigue, the lack of appetite, severe bruising all over my body, etc. and she says it could be adrenal fatigue from coming down on the steroids that SHE prescribes. All righty, that makes sense to me. So what's next? "You should go see your endocrinologist or your GP about that, although most GP's aren't good at running those tests." ---SIGH--- I came home feeling a bit rageful and immediately refueled the rage by upping my dose immediately of prednisone. Then that night I was so crabby, I worked out for 45 mins to stop feeling so angry. By the next day I could hardly move, my whole body ached and my knees felt like sharp nails were driven through them. Oh well. It's ok I can take it easy, oh no wait! I have to dig out part of the driveway so my husband could get home from his business trip. So much pain. Sooooooooo much pain. And today? Today I had my TMJ shot. I can hardly open my mouth so things like flossing and eating solid foods isn't happening. I was excited for this one! But he put quite a bit of medicine in there and it's really sore. Plus my baby, once again, managed to clock me in the jaw. Damn kid could do some kind of baby MMA fighting, I swear.

So I begged my endocrinologist to get me in STAT to talk about this and hopefully run some tests. Maybe he can get me off this friggin' awful drug, although when I'm on it, I have less pain. Double edged sword. I am prepared to be told nothing's wrong, I'm not showing enough signs, etc. I am prepared to BEG for help. Please someone, for fuck's sake, help me. I'm so torn about this. On one side, I think maybe the doctor's are right in their flippant attitudes. This is as good as it gets for me. The pain and fatigue will forever be this bad. Or, is it the other side of me. The side that keeps fighting and fighting. NO! This is not acceptable! We can do better but I can't do this shit on my own, buying supplements from every quack on the internet! Some of this stuff causes interactions with my medications. I want to be safe and responsible but most of all, I want to make improvements. So wish me luck tomorrow. I go early in the AM.

I hate doctors.

Here is a quick pic of what I take every day.

These are the bruises I'm referring to above. The legs have the worst of it. But I get them on my arms, my rear end and sometimes chest. But the legs take the brunt of whatever is happening. I don't remember getting these at all. Sometimes when I lean against a counter, or push a heavy drawer closed with my legs, I can feel the pain. But most times I don't remember it.

How is this, layered on top of all my other complains, normal? I don't know what I'll do if I get blown off again. Hopefully I'll keep my language clean though. Well, time to get to bed. Guten nacht. Wish me luck.