SMASH time again

Hello folks. It's been another one of those weeks and with the culmination of this frustration tomorrow morning. I saw my rheumatologist on Monday. Normally I really like her but I listed off my concerns to her and all I get is: well your labs have always been fine. That's it. LOOK AT ME. Look at my skin, look at the circles under my eyes. LISTEN TO ME. I'm telling you things aren't right. I don't care what the fucking labs say.

Then I get the push-off to other doctors. This happens at almost every appointment. "Well this doesn't sound like RA. Sounds like fibromyalgia and as you know, we don't treat that. I can send you to someone or you can see one of your other doctors." So I say, "well maybe I can talk to my neurologist whom I love but is located way the hell over in Missouri." Then we talk about my extreme fatigue, the lack of appetite, severe bruising all over my body, etc. and she says it could be adrenal fatigue from coming down on the steroids that SHE prescribes. All righty, that makes sense to me. So what's next? "You should go see your endocrinologist or your GP about that, although most GP's aren't good at running those tests." ---SIGH--- I came home feeling a bit rageful and immediately refueled the rage by upping my dose immediately of prednisone. Then that night I was so crabby, I worked out for 45 mins to stop feeling so angry. By the next day I could hardly move, my whole body ached and my knees felt like sharp nails were driven through them. Oh well. It's ok I can take it easy, oh no wait! I have to dig out part of the driveway so my husband could get home from his business trip. So much pain. Sooooooooo much pain. And today? Today I had my TMJ shot. I can hardly open my mouth so things like flossing and eating solid foods isn't happening. I was excited for this one! But he put quite a bit of medicine in there and it's really sore. Plus my baby, once again, managed to clock me in the jaw. Damn kid could do some kind of baby MMA fighting, I swear.

So I begged my endocrinologist to get me in STAT to talk about this and hopefully run some tests. Maybe he can get me off this friggin' awful drug, although when I'm on it, I have less pain. Double edged sword. I am prepared to be told nothing's wrong, I'm not showing enough signs, etc. I am prepared to BEG for help. Please someone, for fuck's sake, help me. I'm so torn about this. On one side, I think maybe the doctor's are right in their flippant attitudes. This is as good as it gets for me. The pain and fatigue will forever be this bad. Or, is it the other side of me. The side that keeps fighting and fighting. NO! This is not acceptable! We can do better but I can't do this shit on my own, buying supplements from every quack on the internet! Some of this stuff causes interactions with my medications. I want to be safe and responsible but most of all, I want to make improvements. So wish me luck tomorrow. I go early in the AM.

I hate doctors.

Here is a quick pic of what I take every day.

These are the bruises I'm referring to above. The legs have the worst of it. But I get them on my arms, my rear end and sometimes chest. But the legs take the brunt of whatever is happening. I don't remember getting these at all. Sometimes when I lean against a counter, or push a heavy drawer closed with my legs, I can feel the pain. But most times I don't remember it.

How is this, layered on top of all my other complains, normal? I don't know what I'll do if I get blown off again. Hopefully I'll keep my language clean though. Well, time to get to bed. Guten nacht. Wish me luck.

Ouch!

[Click here to learn more about Rheumatoid Arthritis, or RA.]

Bad Bex! I took yesterday off from exercising and I probably should have just done it. I didn't do it today either but to give myself a little credit, I have been gimping around for the past two days. My knees and fingers are really painful lately, which can be attributed to working out at too high of an impact and lots of stitching.

I had my regular rheumatology appointment today with the physician's assistant. She was great and talked with me for about a half an hour. I told her what's been going on, we discussed my last lab results and discussed further treatment options. I was happy to hear my liver levels are back to normal. I'll keep having my blood checked every two months to check liver functions as well as my white cell count.

I also asked her what would happen if I cease taking my medication. What exactly happens if you do not treat RA? I didn't know that the constant inflammation in the body can attack the lungs and heart. Not only would I risk those wearing away my joints and cartilage, but it can cause heart disease. I also asked her if it was common for someone like me to show normal lab results while receiving treatment but still have pain and fatigue. She said absolutely. That's why it's important, she went on, to treat the person, not the lab result. Gotcha.

I also discussed with her concerns about medication and co-pay costs. I walked out of there with two samples of my biologic which made me so grateful. I was able to finally take my shot today and I started a new therapy along with it.

I've noticed that on days when I take my monthly shot, I should take it easy. No work outs, low stress, lots of water and good foods. So for the second day in a row, I'm on my ass. But tomorrow I will be back at it!! Related to this, I found a cool, free tool for people with RA. It's the RA Fit Kit which you can personalize a workout routine to fit your needs and fitness level. Just thought I'd pass that along!

I'm going to chill out today but tomorrow life goes back to 'normal.'

Tschus.