Of Sound Mind

I just want to be healthy.

Everything I am responsible for stems off of a healthy Me. How can I feed the family healthfully yet inexpensively? How can I strengthen my muscles to better support my joints? Where is that happy medium between working out enough and overdoing it? I'm struggling to figure that out and I've been looking for answers for over six years. I just want to be healthy.

However I found myself these past years not so much searching for what I had intended; I was searching for a cure. I've tried alternative medicine and treatments, I've put all kinds of pharmaceuticals into my body, I've tried diet, exercise, singing Kumbaya until my face was blue. Nothing worked! It's only recently that I realized the difference between working with what I've got versus forcing my body to work like a "normal" person's body.. If you can't beat it, join it! Or something along that lines.

Just because I have these problems doesn't mean I can't be healthy. By saying to myself "I'm sick, I can't do that," I just set myself up to fail. I've quit before I've even tried. Wow, how many cool things have I missed out on because of negative thinking? Sure, I probably can't stand in general admission at a rock concert anymore but I can do other things. It's about being realistic and surrounding myself with the right support system. I can't run a mile right now but maybe I could work up to it someday. I can't clean all my house in one day either but I can clean one room a day. It's about setting realistic goals that build off one another.

But there is also a flip side to this: If I do all these things I supposedly shouldn't be able to do, people will think I'm lying about having these conditions. Now let me just stop you here and I'll reiterate that statement: If I stay active, exercise, and participate in life, people will think I'm lying about having RA, Hashimoto's, Fibromyalgia, TMJ and Endometriosis. This sounds absolutely crazy but these worries come from learned experience. Let me explain. In the past I went through a phase where I could do a lot socially and then my body rebelled; I'd make plans and have to break them. A LOT. A group of friends I was hanging out with called me a liar (in a round-about, passive-aggressive way) and I lost a whole group of friends over it. They didn't believe that I could go out to eat after a 9 hour work day last month but have to break off plans to see a movie or attend an event the next month. After a few times of having to cancel due to pure exhaustion and pain, there was an ugly confrontation. So in the back of my mind I have been closing myself off from people so they WON'T ask me to do anything. That way I don't risk them thinking I am a liar if and when I have to cancel on them. Maybe that's not something I should actively worry about but the experience has stuck with me.

I just want to be healthy. And instead of searching the ends of the Earth for my "holy grail" in the form of a miracle cure, maybe it's better just to be. This is my new self, for better or worse, and it's not always great but it's not always horrible. And if I can do one thing today and not tomorrow, to hell with what others think. If they can't be bothered to get educated on what I deal with every day, then they aren't my friends. I can be a healthy person who has RA, Hashimoto's, Fibromyalgia, TMJ and Endometriosis.

Tune in later this week when I recap the Shredder Weekend in Chicago that I attended last weekend! It was a great trip and very enlightening, as well as motivating. Have a good Monday, tschus!