More pinups, but first, the art museum

What a week!  The weekend was great.  I attended an art lecture with a dear friend and we strolled through the galleries afterwards. It's such a nice, calming place to be. I took a few photos:









Photography is allowed as long as you don't use a flash. Use a flash and the docents will descend upon you with open, ravenous jaws.

I managed to paint some of the guest bathroom. It looks rather streaky right now but will be better once I get a second coat up. I'll post pics when it's done. I had an inkling that painting would be a pain in the ass but no idea it would cause the arthritis and fibro shit to flare up so badly. But that is ok, I have time to do all this. I would like to be able to unpack everything and put them away but it's hard to justify unpacking all the china cabinet only to have to repack it so I can paint behind the cabinet. Or bookshelves. Or *insert piece of furniture here* I did hang up some things in my art/rat room because I know it will be while before I paint in there.

We also got out last night for a bit. It was the 2011 Vixen Calendar release party and Miss Vixen Pinup pageant. Since a friend was competing, I really wanted to be there to support her as well as the lovely ladies behind the calendar's creation. It was super fun as the local burlesque troupe mc'd (sp) and performed. Even though we had to leave a little early, we had a really good time! I was super surprised to see they included one of my photos in their back page. I'm a back page calendar girl! Hahaa, I love it. I am so touched and happy! A year ago I never could have predicted all of this: quitting my job, modeling as a pinup, holding firm to my true self. But here I am. To be sure, I haven't handled everything as well as I could and I've made mistakes. But I'm learning and moving forward. Doing the pinup modeling has really been a boost to my self confidence. And it has introduced me to some awesome people and I keep meeting new friends with every event I attend. So if you want to help support the women who have been such an inspiration to me, as well as help out some great animal groups, you can order calendars from Pinups For Pit Bulls and Vixen Pinup Photography.





That's about it for now. Between painting and shuffling boxes, I'm working as fast as I can to finish a new cross stitch for another swap. It's a fun piece and I can't wait to post it. Until then, tschus!

A conglomeration of shit

Don't let the word "shit" fool you.  It doesn't automatically equate negativity.  It's become a widely used word in my vocabulary, easily interchanged with "stuff," "things," etc.  Some say that people use curse words because they have nothing creative or original to say.  It's quite fucking possible.

So what has happened as of late?  I haven't taken many pictures to illustrate this post so I'll just sum things up.We scheduled the move, ended up throwing up on the move date and rescheduled for a Tuesday.  We had a house guest on Thursday and we managed to mildly entertain him amidst a sea of boxes and chaos.  Then a few days later I officially ended my job.  Aaaaand today another pet died.

Job wise: Having chronic health issues makes everything hard.  It's hard to be spontaneous, it's hard to make plans, hard to get to work, hard to get shit done around the house, maintain relationships, take a dump, etc.  The more stressful a situation is, the more the chronic pain and fatigue flare up.  Work became intolerably stressful.  Oh sure there were periods of calm, fun, productivity and fulfillment.  But the stress became too much, we've never had a raise so motivation was nil and I am not sure anymore what the mission is of my former employer or who exactly I was working for.  It's confusing even when you know the details, trust me.  And they aren't worth going into.  All I know is that when I started, the place felt like home.  Everyone was family and no matter what happened, I was just pleased as punch to be among so many wonderful people.  Fifty plus layoffs later and a more corporate attitude, it felt more like we were all heart attacks waiting to happen and the family feeling was gone for the most part.  It became very sad, strained and unsure.  The miscarriage was the last straw even though I'm not sure what caused things to go wrong right from the beginning.

I hope to hell that things get better there for all the great people who still are there.

So am I an archivist anymore?  I don't think you could rid me of my professional nature.  So for now I'll just work on feeling better.  Taking care of the new house, keeping the dogs happy, getting some exercise, finding new therapies.  I am hoping to get elected to a board for a local heritage group next year and I"ll keep my professional, local archivist membership.  I'm not too worried but then again, I can't afford to worry about shit I can't control.I feel slightly worried about my career but the overwhelming sense of peace overshadows the worry.  By staying home and taking care of things, I am not letting anyone down.  There is no FMLA laws to keep in mind.  No coworkers to let down.

House: The new house is great!  I've unpacked here and there and next week I'll start priming the guest bathroom.  I'm sure within ten minutes, I'll hate painting.  But this is the first time I've had the chance to paint my walls.  Wow....no white or beige unless I put it there.  I have a feeling that the large, red wall will have to go.  It's bold and kind of pretty but it's a bit much.  And what goes with red on the corresponding walls?  Not much but beige.  More beige.  Or white.  Meh.



As soon as it quits raining, I'll be able to get out with my camera for some walks. The little bi-planes taking off and landing are neat to watch. And there is plenty of uhhhh prairie grass to look at. :-)

Gardner, KS in the 2000 census was just under 10,000 people. I have never lived in a town this small before. And that's saying something since I'm from North Dakota. The city was founded where the Santa Fe and California Trails split. According to the highly unreliable Wikipedia article, Gardner was the first community founded in Johnson County and the first one in KS invaded by Confederates/slave holders/redneck crazy Nazis during the Border Wars. So far Gardner does not have a Pit Bull ban which is one of the reasons we chose to live here. Hopefully they maintain this "don't tread on me" sort of philosophy, which is unlike most of Johnson County. And our neighbors already left cookies on our doorstep. Very nice. I'll have to bring them a big bottle of vodka to return the neighborly feelings.

Pets: Ratchet's brother passed today. He was having all kinds of issues which I had treated. They were in remission but then he started to scratch a lot, especially his face. Today I found him with his eye scratched out, hanging from its socket. It was a bit horrifying. I called Ron and he took us to the vet, where Clank was euthanised. He was a rat that I saved from being snake food. A brother from another litter to Ratchet. We mostly called him Crank because he was not exactly happy about being handled. He liked to be petted but not picked up. When Ratchet was really sick, Clank would lay on him, groom him more than usual and keep him warm. I'm so glad we were able to give him a good home for the last almost 2 years.



So a conglomeration of shit, to be sure. Thankfully in some ways, I came down with a sinus infection and strep throat. Due to all the antibiotics and the house move and miscarriage, we took a break from trying to have a kid. A month of not worrying when I'm ovulating, taking hormones, worrying that my medications would screw things up, blah blah blah. Just taking a break and trying to live in the "now."

Tschus.

Absence makes the heart do what?

I haven't been posting much lately which is not just due to laziness and being busy, but because Flickr changed the way they do their sharing code. Stupid Flickr. It's just another step to do when blogging.

First, we made it up to the Rapid City area a few weeks ago so I could attend a conference. It was beautiful, calm and fun. We managed to get to Mt. Rushmore, Crazy Horse and Deadwood but not much else. The conference stuff took up the rest of the time, plus it was about 11 hours each way. Sadie and Patton went with which brought down the cost of the trip (no kenneling.) My presentation went well and it was good to connect with an old buddy from graduate school. Perhaps I'll get more involved with this museum group in the future. It felt great to be treated like a professional!

Some photos:





















You can see a crap-ton more on Flickr.

Also we have been house hunting like crazy. There isn't really much rush other than we are tired of paying exorbitant amounts of money to live in this duplex. And our allergies have never been so bad. We made an offer on one house but the lady wouldn't pay any closing costs. We did find something, much farther south, that includes those costs. The house is in a new development and is only seven years old.

Here is the outside:



If the bank approves the final paperwork (which it should!) I will be posting plenty of photos later. We do have to finish off a couple parts of the fence so the dogs can run free. I don't think I'll have time to dig up a garden before it freezes but for sure next spring. The house is near a corn field, on the edge of town and about twenty miles from downtown KC. It's also near a small air strip and we can watch little bi-planes flying around. I'm pretty damned excited.

And finally, I went out looking for a new Rowdy. Silly me, you can't replace your pets. I mean, sure you can clone them now. But they have such unique personalities, which I don't believe can be replicated. So long story short, we looked at some Cocker Spaniels and came home with a giant Collie/Shepherd mix. His name is Tobin. That's what they called him at the shelter and I can't think of anything better to name him.



That's about all I can think of off the top of my head. It's been hella busy to say the least. Maybe things will call down next year??

See you on the flipside

Rest in peace little Ratchet.  You made me laugh, you taught me that God makes miracles in little packages, rats are some of the best bets in the world and you were the best rattie in the world.Give Rowdy some kisses for me...

And now, 50% drama-free!

The more I try to keep drama out of my life, the worse it gets.  It would help if I could keep my damn mouth shut.  But whenever I feel there's been an injustice, a misunderstanding, a wrong inflicted, I open my big, fat mouth.  If I could just look the other way I am sure my life would be quieter.  I think living with someone who has an anger problem and internalizing all our problems made me go a bit too far to the opposite side after the divorce.  I never wanted to feel like I didn't stand up for myself because I was afraid of creating problems or confronting someone.  Never again, I swore.  Maybe sometimes it's more helpful to just stfu.

Pain.   Pain is a good diet aid.  I've lost about 4 lbs in the last two weeks because everything I eat lately upsets my stomach and I hurt so much all the time.  I've cried more this week than I have since my divorce.  Luckily the patronizing nurse at my doctor's office put through my request to schedule the surgery for earlier by ten days.  So right after I get home from ND, I have the Pinups for Pit Bulls photo shoot and then surgery the following Monday.  Yippee!  I just want it over with and then to figure out the next step.  And honestly, I'm really looking foward to getting this damned system out of my body.

It's also been a very animal-centric time at our house.  Ratchet was ill for a while and the second opinion vet at least got us a bronchial dilating medicine which has been super helpful.  He's not cured but he's much for comfortable and he's more alert and happier.  Patton threw up on the bed yesterday which necessitated a trip to our local laundrymat.  That was an unpleasant experience.  (I hate laundrymats.)  Then today, Sadie threw up twice in front of us.  I think Patton horked because he was trying to mow the lawn on his own and Sadie did because she ate a treat and then contorted herself to lick her ass for ten minutes straight.  I think the position she was in did not aid digestion.  So no one is really sick, but you know pets. 

Rowdy is good.  He's still hanging onto life with his ten teeth.



This is a pretty normal pose for the guy.  Old dogs don't have the best kidneys so you have to take him out a lot.  We were firing up the grill when Rowdy decided this was outdoors enough for him to do his "thing."

Tuesday I'll be back in Dickinson.  I'm flying home until the 5th because some relatives will be in Hebron, and the old gang will be back in Dix.  It's been 5 years since I've been home so this will be really weird.  I think my dad is happy about it and it will be good to spend some time with him on his turf.  Plus I hear Dix has grown a lot and I'm sure there will be some new things going on.  Well, probably lots of the same stuff but just....newer.  I hope to take mass amounts of photos of family, the old gang and the Badlands.  I'm sure there will be much posting of photos when I return.  

Finally, I picked up a copy of Zombies of Mass Destruction at my local Wal-hole.  I was looking at it when approached by a fellow nerd, employed by Wal-hole.  We geeked out on a discussion of zombie movies and whether or not anyone should bother with doing a Bubba Ho-tep sequel with no Bruce Campbell.  He told me that he heard there is one helluva hit and run scene in Zombies of Mass Destruction but he hadn't seen it yet.  So Ron and I watched it last night. 

 

If you watch it, remember that it's an independent film.  That being said, I totally recommend it just for the hit and run scene.  We laughed our asses off.  The movie differs in other zombie flicks in a couple key ways: the zombie outbreak is treated like a terrorist attack by the general public and two of the heroes are gay characters.  Just the gay guys are great to watch; likeable and funny.  The effects aren't bad either.  The acting however is much like what you'd see in stage theatre.  It's a little over the top and the lines are read much like in a play.  Not that it's a bad thing.  I've seen two zombie plays and really liked them.  It's just a different method of delivery and once you get used to it, you can have fun with it.  Ron thought the jokes were few and far between but I loved it.  For $9, it's fun to watch and it adds to the collection.



That's all I got for now, or all I'm willing to type up.  :)  Hope all is well for everyone out there!  Tschus.

Zombies, dogs and pin-ups: Oh my!

So what's new?  One of my brothers moved to Germany and my sister is going to be a court judge.  Very exciting!  I'm not sure how my other brother is doing right now; I hope he is well.  Myself?  I am up to the same old things.

First, I'm even more disillusioned with my career.  I am in a really negative place right now and I need to figure out how to change my situation or my attitude.  Both are tough things to change.  It's amazing how toxic stress is to your body.  I've never had problems with heartburn until recently and just general stomach pain.  Right after a really stressful event, I get a flareup of my fibromyalgia.  Seems like common sense but when you are going through something very stressful, you get tunnel vision and don't see the bigger picture.  Something has to give and I just need to figure out what step to take.  I've been mulling over this for a long time and I'm sure my blog reflects that.  I'm ready to initiate change though.

Our home buying program has hit a brick wall.  We can't buy a home here or anywhere until we get over this stalemate with our mortgage counselor.  She won't answer our emails to clarify some of things she's asking of us.  We're extremely frustrated.  I really don't want to stay in this neighborhood much longer.  We've had a lot more cops hanging around.  That makes you feel safer at first - yay!  The cops are here!  But also it's scary.  Why are the cops here so often?  What is going on?  This place sucks.

On a positive note, I've been taking Patton to obedience training once a week.  He's doing so well!  He does have a thing with peeing on people's legs however.  And he doesn't want to do some of the harder things like "lay down" or "shake" but I think we just need some practice.  I'm going to a meeting for people who have or want to train to be certified therapy dogs.  That's our goal so I have to figure out how to get Patton to that point.  Lots of practice and patience.



Of course, I indulge him too much and this is what happens.

I'm still doing a lot of volunteer work for the Pit Bull rescue.  The dogs are really sweet animals but they definitely need to be with people who understand the breed.  There are so many ignorant and irresponsible people out there.  I can't believe the emails we get from people who want us to take their dogs because the dog has become aggressive or has too much energy, etc.  "Take the dog or we'll have to put it to sleep!"  Gah.  But overall it is a very rewarding experience.  If I had the energy to do more, I would definitely do so!

Speaking of energy, I have managed to get a lot more exercise lately.  We are doing the 30 Day Shred, a Jillian Michaels dvd.  That woman is BRUTAL.  The workouts are only 20 minutes but they work everything and I've had a few people tell me I look thinner.  I haven't dropped much weight but I think I'm toning up.  I'll take that!  If I never lose another pound but can drop a couple sizes, I'm happy.  I just want my muscles to be stronger so I can support my crappy joints better.  So far so good.  I feel better about myself and it definitely helps the stress level.  My husband is so supportive too.  We have a 'fridge full of veggies.  Good for grillin'.  I feel better having cut out so much crap from my diet.  It doesn't cure anything and I still have pain.  But it's better then wallowing in a bag of Doritos and Diet Coke.

And I'm sure you've all seen this silly photo by now but this is my pro pic from the Pinups for Pitbulls event at the Record Bar:



I look very pale.

I've also been getting my zombie fix lately.  We watched Dead Snow recently and that was hilarious.  It's Norwegian and subtitled.  There are some fun Evil Dead references which made us laugh.  Very gross and funny stuff.





I just finished reading World War Z by Max Brooks.  It's written as an oral history post-zombie war.  It's well written and brought in scenarios you never think about or imagine with traditional zombie movies.  What if North Korea's bunker system was actually a lot more extensive.  After North Korea sends all its citizens underground, did they all get infected?  When the bunkers are opened up, will there be 7 million zombies in the underground city?  Or what would it be like to go into the all dark, maze-like catacombs under Paris to escape the panic outside.  Only the infected come with you and you have to fight zombies without light or firearms to help you.  Fun, freaky shit.  Very entertaining read!



And the spring zombie walk is coming up on June 4th.  I've been talked into going as a zombie this time.  If I don't have a new job by then, I think I can do it.  I'm thinking zombie paparazzi.  That way I can take as many photos as I want!  I'm such a dork.

I think I've yammered on enough for today.  Have a great Sunday!  Tschus!

Cpn’ Tripps and Spring in KS

I'm watching' The Stand and thinking of swine flu and zombie virus outbreak and all that good stuff.  Seems to me that there are a lot of things in our lives that could go wrong and never do.  But since I don't trust the Government, who can really say it never will?  I hate the Govt. and trust them less then the people I work with.  If that says anything to you...

I've taken Patton to quite a few classes for his obedience training.  I think he's right on track for being a therapy dog.  He's very gentle, obedient and calm.  He serves as a good model for the aggressive and hyper dogs in class.  He really calms them down.  His trainer is also looking at using him for a therapy trainer for other dogs in training.  I've seen  a growly, aggressive dog become really passive around him. Kinda neat.

Work....well that' s just normal.  Nothing new.  Nothing good, nothing bad.  Just..........it is.  Still trying to figure out what to do with my life.

Ron and I have been working out together a lot while he goes to the track to run and I swim in the pool.  It keeps us mobile and burning off steam.  Practice with Patton for obedience is also a lot of work.  I am really happy to do that and to hang out with others who are into dog training and doggie resuce.

All I can do is keep being me and keep trying to work against all the diagnoses that I've been given.  I take my vitamins and supplements and medications and that's all I can do.  Keep on fightin' the good fight!

Tschus!

Mish mash

Holy shit, long time no blog!  I'd like to say there is nothing new in my life but there is tons going on.  So here is an update:

First off:  We beat Bioshock 2 just in time for the March 11th expansion pack. I haven't planned any of the online portions of the game yet so I can't really say much about the multiplayer, online death matches.  However the story was good for a sequel and the graphics, though at first seemed grainy, turned out to be really awesome.  I thought the game was harder overall with more melee type attacks.  Playing it on easy gave you a lot of hints that seemed a little unnecessary but that's ok too.  I love the art deco themes and the characters are interesting.

Second:  Lasik went awesome!  I can see!  It was horribly uncomfortable and while they give you a lot of valium, that just wears right off when you are under the laser.  It was nice that my husband was allowed to sit in there with me and I clawed the shit out of his hand during the procedure.  But the awfulness lasted only about 20 minutes followed by a horrible ride home.  I took something to help me sleep and by the time I woke up 4 hours later, I felt worn out but fine.  I did have to wear some groovy blinders at night for a few days to keep me from scratching my eyes.



I had some lovely impressions in my flesh every morning.  But it turned out really well and I'm happy with it.  No more contacts or glasses.  Schweet.

I've been working pretty hard at my health shit.  I found some books at the Half Price Bookstore which talk about fibromyalgia and endometriosis.  I'm working on a symptom and food diary to try to pinpoint triggers.  During this time I've had a fever that came out of nowhere and am trying to figure out if there is any rhyme or reason to things like that.  So we'll see what comes of this new experiment.  I still would like to lose the rest of the 40lbs I gained.  That means I have another 15-20lbs to go.  Being overweight and chronically ill is not easy.  It just exacerbates all your shit.

No new pets and no pets have passed away, no matter how old and infirm they are.   I'm starting Patton on obedience classes this coming week.  I hope that when he gets over his fear of oh.....EVERYTHING....he will be able to start training for a therapy dog program.  Our vet seems to think he'd be excellent at it because of his very mellow temperament.  He went in today to get his distemper shot and a heart worm test. He's a very sweet dog and I think he'd be a great ambassador for his part Staffordshire Terrier breed.  So many Pit mixes like him are put down right away or taken from their homes in cities with breed bans.  We are learning a lot about this because of our involvement with a pit bull rescue.  This volunteer work has been very rewarding as well as educational.  Just to get it out there, I fucking hate the media.  I hate them all.  Their mission is to sell news by freaking the shit out of everyone in a community.  Period.  Misinformation be damned!  We have to sell newspapers, ratings, etc!  Fuck the truth!  Ok sorry, I'm off my soapbox for now.

Last couple of thing:  I'm going to take a pinup photography class next weekend.  I'm going by myself, which for a hermit, is a big deal.  I'm freaked out by social situations like this but I think it will be fun and informative.  I think the new pin up style with the tatts and vintage/rockabilly themes are awesome.  This all proceeds the Pinups for Pit Bulls event in KC on the 19th.  I'm all for animal rescue organizations, beer and music.  Now, what to wear?  No clue...  The last item of discussion is that I really want another tattoo.  I'm trying to find something that reminds me of my mother.  Yesterday was the 26th anniversary of her passing.  A long ass time ago.  I really miss her and would like my next tatt to be something to do with her. Ron is pretty ready for more ink so we're going to investigate some new tattoo parlors.   And finally, I hope to hit up the roller derby around the end of the month.  It's going to be a girls night comprised of women I work with.  I think we're going to get a little drunk and watch some chicks on roller skates beat the crap out of each other.  That should be fun!

I'll update my blog with another stitch or two when the time is right.  I've got some ideas on the burner for new embroidery and I'm excited to get started.  So overall things are good but everyday is a learning experience.  Some times I fuck up royally and other days I have things in control.  I can't seem to predict from one day to the next how it's going to go.  Just doing the best I can!

Tschus.

If I sold my drugs, I’d be rich!

Yay, another prescription for a controlled substance.  Hopefully I won't need it long; just until I can wean off the Cymbalta fully.  God, I hope this works.  I'm tired of feeling like my brain is going through a meat grinder.  So that makes it three controlled substances I'm on.  Wow.  And yet I somehow manage to still get to work most days of the week.  That's a little fucked up, isn't it?

Speaking of meat, I am off red meat now, including pork.  And for some reason I can only seem to eat fish when it is raw.  Fresh sushi doesn't taste like the bottom of a cesspool.  Yet cooked fish does.  Wtf?  It just grosses me out.  Plus it feels like my tastes have changed lately.  No, not pregnant...trust me.  I did read, however, that changing one's diet can help with certain health issues I have.  So getting rid of red meat might help.  I also need to get rid of alcohol, carbonated beverages, fatty foods and anything else you can think of that is good tasting and bad for you.  Damnit.  I'm working on it though.  Doesn't help that I do this with the scary Estrogen Monster looming over me.

By the way, I googled "Estrogen Monster" and came up with this image:



That made me giggle a lot.  Ha!  There's nothing like a pissed off Muppet.

That takes me to another image I saw years ago and this also is a good one:



However I've never seen this one before:



Ok one more...just because I like it:



What else....Rowdy gave us a little scare.  We went to the lake and did our cabin thing for a night.  We came home early because we all felt like shit: back ache, sunburn, tired and sore.  Rowdy had too much activity and we thought he was a goner.  Thankfully he is on some good drugs (more addicts in the family!) and will be ok.  He's just an old dog and can only take so much.  It didn't help that last weekend was hellishly hot and humid.  Here are some lake shots:









The boat we rented was a little fishing boat which was fine until we came back against the tide.  Every ripple we hit was like hitting a cement curb.  We all got jarred quite a bit.  But it was cheap and fun.  The water felt great and didn't stink of algae like I remember Patterson Lake smelling.

It was good to get away and even better to come back to our own creature comforts, like a pillow top mattress.  I wish I had the fortune of some of those other people we saw over the weekend who were hauling swanky RVs and big-ass boats.  But we had a nice time anyway, even as short as it was.  I'm having a hard time getting into work this week but before I know it, the week will be over.  Thank God.

I think my mind has strayed enough for the time being.  Everyone is pretty silent these days...are you all on vacation?  Bored of the blog?  Sick?  Busy?  In a coma and having an out-of-body experience?  Hehee, whatever it is, I hope you are all well.  I hope to have better blogs in the near future.  It's just so damn hard to concentrate these days!



Tschus.

Dog N Jog

The rain held off long enough for us to participate in the Dog N Jog down in the Country Club Plaza.  True to form, Patton whined and peed the whole way.  He was very good natured, letting strangers pet him, letting other dogs sniff at him and a big puppy even smacked him in the face with its paw a few times.  There were 1000 dogs registered to walk with their humans.  Lots of poop and pooper scoopers were there.  It felt good to support a good cause.  Maybe next year I'll run it.

Not much else to report.  We ran a lot of errands on Saturday and yesterday we put up a book shelf.  So far it's holding all my Bruce Campbell stuff and sort of looks like a shrine, according to Ron.  *geek*

Have a good week everyone!  I'm going to load up on Percocet and listen to the thunderstorm.

Funny blog, read it

My loving husband, sick and humorous as he is, shared this blog with me today.  If you are having a shitty day, pun intended, read this.  Read it even if you are in a good mood.  You will laugh your ass off!

http://www.zug.com/live/81557/The-Alli-Experiment.html

Not much new to report.  It is supposed to rain on Sunday, well thunderstorm, and we are supposed to participate in the Dog'N'Jog 5K that day.  We are taking Patton with us but he hates thunderstorms.  I hope it doesn't rain until later in the day.  Regardless, we have already paid the registration fee, thus contributing to the charity whether we go or not.  But hopefully all will go well.  I'm looking forward to it.  (By the way, we are walking it, not running.  I suck at running!)

Here's the facebook link to the fundraising page: http://www.firstgiving.com/rebeccamartzburley?ref=facebook&type=app

Feel free to contribute if you would like!

Eventuality (plus, gay cowboys!)

Ahhh today feels like a normal KC day.  It rained a lot and now the sun is coming out.  That means HUMIDITY!  So it feels very moist in here.  Moist.  Almost sounds like a dirty word, doesn't it?

I thought I was going to have a really easy time of this surgery but I was totally thrown for a loop.  The amount of bruising isn't just on the surface but it feels really deep.  Any movement is really painful and it's hard to get comfortable to sleep.  Last night I was awake, watching TV on the couch until 1:00 AM.  I just slept there rather than risking waking up Ron and the remaining two dogs in our room.  (Not to mention the two little dogs and my mother-in-law asleep in the guest room.)  There really isn't jack or shit on that late at night.  I watched America's Next Top Model on the dvr and then tried to watch Brokeback Mountain.  Hmm.

I only watched half of it but I have a few observations.  First, the way the cowboys talked, in a muffled, muttering sort of way, was so familiar.  I myself mutter and have to constantly repeat myself.  It doesn't help, by the way, that I haven't lost all my North Dakota accent.  So I was reminded a bit of home and some of my uncles by the way the characters talked.  Their emotional restraint was also familiar.  Second, if you are making a film about two gay cowboys who get it on in the mountains, why would you call it Brokeback Mountain?  Surely they could have chosen a different title.  Maybe Bobcat Mountain or Laramie Peak or anything else.  Cripes.  It's like calling it Mount-Me Mountain, Cornhole Mountain or Cock-n-Balls Mountain.  That really irked me.  Third, no matter how good looking the actors, man-on-man love is just not attractive.  I'm sure any gay man reading this will disagree but I guess that's my take on it.

Other than being in pain last night, I was unable to sleep due to some stressful thinking.  My oldest dog, Sadie, is showing signs of poor health.  She's still eating and drinking, pooping, peeing, all that essential stuff.  However she can never get comfortable, especially at night.  I think it's due to the huge tumors on her side and her chest and belly.  I've known about these tumors for a long time; the tumors are benign, fatty lumps.  They are growing into her abdomen, around her intestines and liver.  Sadie will yelp out of nowhere and we aren't sure if it is her tumors starting to cause her discomfort.  We've been to the vet twice and they don't know what is wrong.  I could put her through some expensive and stressful tests but I'm not sure I want to go there yet.  I cried about it last night because I don't want her to be in pain.  If she is going to die soon, I want her to just slip away in her sleep rather than have to take her into a sterile, strange place to be euthanized.  Death is something eventual, we cannot avoid it.  I just pray she can go in peace and comfort at home, without pain.  I guess all we can do is keep an eye on her and try to recognize her comfort levels.

I was also up thinking about my physical health and job requirements.  Soon we will be moving 10,000 square feet of artifacts from one storage space to a better one.  It will be a tough move and I'm not sure how much will be physically demanded from me.  I'm worried I won't be able to keep up due to the pain and exhaustion I experience.  It's stressful.  I wonder if I need to find a different job or will they keep me on even though I'm totally useless sometimes?  I don't want to ever be a burden to anyone, even at work.

I do have some good news though!  I got my genetic test back and I am negative for the gene mutations that cause breast and ovarian cancers.  Hooray!  That doesn't mean I can't get it someday but at least I don't have to seriously consider ripping my ovaries out in the next few years.  (Although there are many days I would love to remove my reproductive organs.)

Finally, since the movie wasn't holding my interest last night, I watched a raccoon traipsing through our yard.  It was pretty big.  I haven't seen a lot of raccoons in my time so I was fascinated.  (Now I know what got into the garbage a couple nights ago.)  It seemed almost primate-like the way it was using it's forepaws to comb through the grass.  I have no idea what it was eating but seeing it does explain the aggressive sniffing and peeing the dogs exhibit every morning.  Like Ron says, "they are cute until they are trying to rip your face off."

Time to get some work done.  Tschus.