In case of emergency, break glass

All of the health woes I feared would return after the baby arrived have returned. The endo isn't intolerable, but the pain during each period is rough. The arthritis is still a work in progress to get under control. Just a word to the wise: If you start Enbrel, don't even try to inject it in your leg. Just do the stomach, it's so much easier and little pain. The injection in the thigh was like putting liquid fire into my muscle. I've never had a shot hurt that bad. After talking to the Enbrel nurses and reading online, I tried out the following tip: let the Sure Shot warm up to room temperature for 30 minutes, let the alcohol swab dry completely before you stick yourself and inject in the stomach, keeping away from the belly button by two inches. To anyone out there holding back on having kids because of your health, just go for it. Yes, it's hard. It's very hard. The little buggers need attention all the time and you have to use your energy to entertain them, feed them, rock them, soothe them, change them, you get the idea. But it's worth it. You will never regret having them.

Seeing that I do not need jaw surgery at this time, I decided to go with the cortisteroid injections. Holy hell that hurt like a sonnofabitch. You need to have a scan done at the time of the injection so they can locate the exact spot of your TMJ. It's kind of cool to see your skull on the television, opening and closing its mouth. I don't talk much about my spiritual beliefs, mostly because I hear so many people around me bitching about and making fun of Christians. As if all of us Christians are like the fanatical evangelicals. I think that's very narrow minded and disrespectful but hey, your opinion is your own. I decided to give up all the pain and worry about my health to God. I can only control so much and I can't afford to freak out every single time I have to undergo a painful procedure. Because there will undoubtedly be many more. Having that internal talk with God really helped me get through yesterday. The following picture shows a little bruising, redness and swelling. Thankfully my right eye is no longer all wonky. I looked like a stroke victim yesterday.

This summer I had a big trip planned and I've had to cancel it for various reasons. One had to do with our finances. I just didn't have the money to change the dates. It would have cost more than the ticket was worth! So if you go through Hotwire, just know that to change plans is next to impossible unless you have a butt load of cash at your disposal. So I had to make some hard decisions and after a sobering evaluation of our finances, I realized not only was the trip out of the question, I realized we needed a financial diet. Therefore I signed us up for Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover. We are only on the first month but I have to say this has already changed our lives. The guy is no nonsense and says it like it is. It is amazing to see exactly every single penny that comes in and goes out. We needed the structure, but some people don't. Some people don't have debt so this is not a tool they need. But most people have at least some debt and we fit into that category. Plus, going down to one income has been really hard, especially after the baby arrived. Formula and diapers don't come cheap.

We are moving onto the cash-only system. I am clipping coupons like a mad woman. On my last two purchases, I saved over $30 by using coupons and shopping the sales. I got a pair of awesome Skecher shoes to replace my worn out tennis shoes for %15 off plus free shipping. This weekend we are having a garage sale during the ginormous, city-wide garage sale craziness and I hope we make some money to put into our baby emergency fund. Once we get that fund established, we start the debt snow ball part of the program. I am so excited to pay off this debt and start building wealth and peace of mind. Having this control is very empowering and it has helped lessen the blow somewhat of the cancelled trip.

The money diet is trickling down into other areas of our lives too. Because I have to track every dollar for our grocery bill, I'm evaluating our diet a lot more. I hope to make another garden box to plant more vegetables, and if I can finally get a good harvest this year, I can learn to can what's left over. We use a lot of canned diced and stewed tomatoes and I hate buying anything out of can because of the BPA lining. I also want to make the baby's food myself so I am paying more attention to organics. So far she's a good eater so I'm lucky on that front. I hope that we lose some weight during our financial diet since we won't be eating out as much! Also we are getting rid of all the extra shit in the house. We are planning and budgeting for things like dental care and treatments for the pups. And home improvements have to thought out well in advance, if possible.

I realize I'm probably boring the shit out of anyone reading this but I'm just excited to do this, as hard as it will be. And speaking of, I need to get working on the garage sale shit for tomorrow. It's gonna be a long, hot day! I leave you with a photo of my work in progress for my next art therapy piece. Lots left to do on it!

Vee Dee

I've managed to get a few things stitched up.  I seem to have a little creative burst and here is what I have finished so far:







I have some more ideas and some are already in patterns. The above zombie valentines are doing fairly well. They take a lot longer to make then I thought but I like them. Hopefully I can keep up the momentum. Sometimes stitching all day means I don't get anything done around the house and the joints don't always care for it.

The weather is finally freezing and there is a bit of snow here and there. I took a couple photos around town in the last week or so. I've been fighting bronchitis and some aches and pains. It hasn't been much fun but it could be worse. I'll try to take some photos tomorrow when I drive up to The Plaza.



Sometimes I do get up and watch the sun rise.



Gas tanks?



We think those are natural gas derricks.



It's supposed to get ugly outside again tomorrow. I say "ugly" because, while normally I love snow storms, I hate them when I have to travel up to KC during rush hour. Maybe I'll get lucky and can get home before it's too terrible.

Tschus.

Art therapy

This post is about a piece of art I created to help me heal from a miscarriage. If this subject bothers you, please stop reading now.

I'm not sure how to start this post so I'll just go through technical details first and see what happens.

I started this from a photo that Ron took of me the night we got our first positive pregnancy test. Seeing the word "Pregnant" on the stick was amazing. I always wondered how I'd really feel about it and I felt a rush of happiness. I've never seen such a wide smile on Ron's face before! We laughed, I cried, and then we just settled into a state of nerves and giddiness. Vowing not to tell hardly a soul, we ended up spilling the beans to some friends, his mother and a few coworkers.

As many of you know, that is the kiss of death on an early pregnancy. Why this is, I'm not sure. The happier you are and the more people you tell right away, the greater your chances are of losing it.

Anyways, you can read the miscarriage story here if you don't know it already.

I printed off the never-before shared photo from that night on a piece of fabric designed for computer printers. Then I found an image from good 'ol Google of an outline of the female form. I traced it onto the photo fabric and free-formed a very crude uterus and blood puddle.

This piece is about irony and grief. It's a juxtaposition of the happy, obligatory smiling face next to a positive pee stick and the blank, mute form of a woman, bleeding onto the ground.







To be honest, just manipulating the original photo and then stitching this up made me a little sick to my stomach. There were tears. I had to pause a few times and just do something else for a bit. However, it is finished and now the preoccupation I've had for several weeks over this project is laid to rest. When I look at this, I see happiness, pain and some peace. It's almost as if during the process of creating something, you take all those emotions out of your head and put it into your piece. I can visit the piece and go through the emotions if I choose to, or I can just reflect on it.

There you have it. Art therapy. Eventually I'll get some mounting board and frame it so it can join other pieces on my art wall.

Thanks for reading and looking at it. I appreciate comments but don't feel obligated. Tschus. :)

“Fleeced” stitch

Didn't I post this yet? Ah well I'm sure you've seen it on my Facebook page. If not, this was the last stitch that I did. It's a quote from the tv series Deadwood. Al Swearengen is one of my faves and I had to finish this piece before I got to the actual town of Deadwood.

I want to make it into a pillow however I've never made a pillow in my life. So I'm considering a small sewing machine purchase and reading a crap load of tutorials. Any thoughts? I'd love some kitchy cowboy fabric for the back.



That's all for now. Pain, tired, looking at some life transition stuff....heh. No biggie!!!

Tschus.

Something a bit lighter perhaps?

My last stitching project for the Flickr Phat Quarter swap.  I took this from a drawing posted on the web:



Zen Kitty and his garden of zen poop is now residing in England.  Not sure what I'll do next!

Mish mash

Holy shit, long time no blog!  I'd like to say there is nothing new in my life but there is tons going on.  So here is an update:

First off:  We beat Bioshock 2 just in time for the March 11th expansion pack. I haven't planned any of the online portions of the game yet so I can't really say much about the multiplayer, online death matches.  However the story was good for a sequel and the graphics, though at first seemed grainy, turned out to be really awesome.  I thought the game was harder overall with more melee type attacks.  Playing it on easy gave you a lot of hints that seemed a little unnecessary but that's ok too.  I love the art deco themes and the characters are interesting.

Second:  Lasik went awesome!  I can see!  It was horribly uncomfortable and while they give you a lot of valium, that just wears right off when you are under the laser.  It was nice that my husband was allowed to sit in there with me and I clawed the shit out of his hand during the procedure.  But the awfulness lasted only about 20 minutes followed by a horrible ride home.  I took something to help me sleep and by the time I woke up 4 hours later, I felt worn out but fine.  I did have to wear some groovy blinders at night for a few days to keep me from scratching my eyes.



I had some lovely impressions in my flesh every morning.  But it turned out really well and I'm happy with it.  No more contacts or glasses.  Schweet.

I've been working pretty hard at my health shit.  I found some books at the Half Price Bookstore which talk about fibromyalgia and endometriosis.  I'm working on a symptom and food diary to try to pinpoint triggers.  During this time I've had a fever that came out of nowhere and am trying to figure out if there is any rhyme or reason to things like that.  So we'll see what comes of this new experiment.  I still would like to lose the rest of the 40lbs I gained.  That means I have another 15-20lbs to go.  Being overweight and chronically ill is not easy.  It just exacerbates all your shit.

No new pets and no pets have passed away, no matter how old and infirm they are.   I'm starting Patton on obedience classes this coming week.  I hope that when he gets over his fear of oh.....EVERYTHING....he will be able to start training for a therapy dog program.  Our vet seems to think he'd be excellent at it because of his very mellow temperament.  He went in today to get his distemper shot and a heart worm test. He's a very sweet dog and I think he'd be a great ambassador for his part Staffordshire Terrier breed.  So many Pit mixes like him are put down right away or taken from their homes in cities with breed bans.  We are learning a lot about this because of our involvement with a pit bull rescue.  This volunteer work has been very rewarding as well as educational.  Just to get it out there, I fucking hate the media.  I hate them all.  Their mission is to sell news by freaking the shit out of everyone in a community.  Period.  Misinformation be damned!  We have to sell newspapers, ratings, etc!  Fuck the truth!  Ok sorry, I'm off my soapbox for now.

Last couple of thing:  I'm going to take a pinup photography class next weekend.  I'm going by myself, which for a hermit, is a big deal.  I'm freaked out by social situations like this but I think it will be fun and informative.  I think the new pin up style with the tatts and vintage/rockabilly themes are awesome.  This all proceeds the Pinups for Pit Bulls event in KC on the 19th.  I'm all for animal rescue organizations, beer and music.  Now, what to wear?  No clue...  The last item of discussion is that I really want another tattoo.  I'm trying to find something that reminds me of my mother.  Yesterday was the 26th anniversary of her passing.  A long ass time ago.  I really miss her and would like my next tatt to be something to do with her. Ron is pretty ready for more ink so we're going to investigate some new tattoo parlors.   And finally, I hope to hit up the roller derby around the end of the month.  It's going to be a girls night comprised of women I work with.  I think we're going to get a little drunk and watch some chicks on roller skates beat the crap out of each other.  That should be fun!

I'll update my blog with another stitch or two when the time is right.  I've got some ideas on the burner for new embroidery and I'm excited to get started.  So overall things are good but everyday is a learning experience.  Some times I fuck up royally and other days I have things in control.  I can't seem to predict from one day to the next how it's going to go.  Just doing the best I can!

Tschus.

Great googly moogly

Isn't that what Mr. Magoo used to say?  Maybe I'm not remembering it right.  I had my eyes dilated today around 9:30 and things are still a bit blurry.  This is what I felt like driving around today:



Yes, I realize I should not have been driving.  I used to really love watching old re-runs of Mr. Magoo.  Maybe I'll have to do a stitch of him soon.  Yeah.........that's the ticket.



Rowdy is doing as well as Rowdy can be.  No seizures since the initial one but he has messed on the floor.  Considering it was below zero a lot, I don't blame him.  He's been hella picky about eating though and that is a pain in the ass.  We are trying different cooked and canned foods.  He likes only the shit that's really bad for him.  Just like a human I guess.   Unfortunately straying from his diet makes him want more water which makes him have to pee a lot more.  So more accidents.



Life quality is still good though so we will not put him to sleep yet.

This weekend was pretty mellow.  I wanted to stay close to home because I took my second shot for RA.  I didn't feel any side effects until the next day.   Here is a quick look at how easy it is to administer:







The side effects for me were sweating, hot flashes, racing heart, stuffiness and sinus headache.  Benadryl helps a lot.  I'll remember that next time.  Hopefully in another month or so I'll start to feel the positive effects.

Not much else is going on.  The only other thing I can talk about is the weather.  That's a good sign it is time to end this post.

Tschus!

PS

In finding the following image (in which I see myself and Rowdy)...



...I found a blog which compares the United States with Mr. Magoo.  Only the blogger calls the US, Amerikkka, and says the US is like Magoo in its relations to the Muslim world.  I could explain further but I feel like just linking it will put me on some kind of watch list so I'll let you read it for yourself.  http://ruminations52.blogspot.com/2007/02/amerikkka-as-mr.html Well, whatever your feeling on our government and its blunders, I am not sure comparing it with the KKK is right.  But whatever.

Catching up

Here is a quick recap:  We've kept somewhat busy on the weekends which can be both good and bad.  We finally used our free tickets to the KC Renaissance Festival and had a nice time eating a turkey leg and drinking Irish ale.  Also in the last couple of weeks we saw Zombieland and Paranormal Activity.  Both very awesome.  If you are looking for a laugh, I highly recommend Zombieland.  Speaking of zombies, Maul of the Dead is at the Coterie and Roxanne and I saw that last weekend.  It was pretty fun!  Great theatre group, everyone should go!  What else...oh!  A good friend from high school dropped in and it was awesome catching up with him.  I really miss familiar faces from home!

We are also still going through the home buyer's program.  Our counselor thinks we'll be in the purchasing phase soon.  I really hope that's true!  We'll see though.  We may hit a waiting period but that's ok.  I'm totally cool with moving in the spring rather then the winter.  Either way, we are hiring movers this time!  I can't physically help Ron lift half this stuff so we'll need a little help.  I'm so freakin' excited and scared.  Basically I'm scared of the realities of fixing everything yourself....and having to pay for it.  I think I can handle it though.

I recently had a really negative experience with some people I used to call friends.  However I did get something positive from the situation:  I've let my diseases and illnesses shut me off from people.  I'm really going to try to talk to people more often and get together with locals at least once a month or so.  It can be really tough sometimes...when I'm tired out, I just need to rest.  Sleep.  Recharge.  A lot of things like housework and socializing get neglected when you don't feel well.  Unfortunately these people, who I thought knew what was going on, took my absences personally.  As if I didn't like them and was using my health as a reason not to see them.  I think that's pretty silly and thought if a person felt upset, they would talk to me about it.  But whatever makes a person feel good about themselves...  It feels really, really wonderful to cut out negative people from my life.  No more stress on that front...what a relief!  Now if I can only get work to go a little better, I think things would be perfect!

Here are images of the last three projects I worked on.  I have some ideas of things I need and want to do soon.  Some of them involve Christmas presents.  I better get started on those!  November will probably go very quickly.


Come Get Some tote bag feature the almighty Bruce Campbell!



The first of the 1898 Antikamnia Calendar series.



This was a piece done to recognize domestic abuse.  Yes, it's a personal story.  No, not going to blog about it.  However you can check out Craftster if you want to know more about the piece.  Enough said on that.

Rowdy is shrieking at me to go outside so I'm cutting off the blog for now.  Expect some goofy Halloween pictures next week!

Mr. X Stitch

It was posted today!  See the Stitchgasm on Facebook.  (I'm not sure where it is on the main site, so I have to link you to it on Facebook.)  I'm pretty excited and happy, etc etc etc and to be honest, having this happen and my first Etsy sale in one week is exactly what I needed.  I've been having a hard time keeping my spirits up and got all doom and gloom.  It's good to be reminded that there are good things going on too.

So!  If you are a crafter or looking to start, check out Mr. X Stitch blog about the 1st birthday of the Mr. X Stitch site.  They are having giveaways and other fun things.  Good stuff!  Check 'em out and start subscribing!

Craft-a-frickin-roonie!

Here is my little recap for the last week or so:

Last week was hell as far as health goes but this is a new week!  I was a shit-load of pain from endo and arthritis last week but thankfully, these things aren't an everyday problem for me.  Shit could always be worse!

Ma Burley came on Friday night and we chilled out together on Saturday and went to the Harrah's casino Saturday night.  What a culture shock!  I did see plenty of casinos in Vegas but it just seemed different because it was here in KC.  I lost $50 in the slots which sucked and the drinks were $5, not free like Vegas.  Casinos are fun for a few hours but after that, I've had my fill.  It's loud, reeks of smoke and there are people EVERYWHERE.  Not a great place for recluses like myself.  Her visit was too quick but it was really great to see her again.

My Etsy hasn't sold anything yet however I think I have a few interested in "Ass, the other Vagina."  I have a couple private requests also that I need to get started on.  I'm excited about that because it's fun to make these but even more fun to know that people are going to put it in their homes soon.  As soon as payday gets here, I am off to the crafy store again to get supplies.  I'm geeked!

Speaking of stitchery, I finished my first photo-to-embroidery project.  Here is the result and a comparison of the original photo to the cloth and thread result:





I felt pretty good about the overall end-product.  This has been a complete learning experience for me and I see what I need to work on now.  I have ideas for the next embroidery project already!  I like the idea of taking my photography and doing something more with it.  My ultimate goal is to get a gallery show.  I think I'm on my way as *enter drumroll* I'm going to be featured in the near future on Stitchgasm.  ACK!!!!  This is exciting to me although most of you probably don't know what the fuck I'm talking about.  See the following website: http://www.mrxstitch.com/  I am not sure what day it will be, but one of the people who works on this newsletter is a woman known as Beefrank.  She is a witty, creative genius and her work makes me laugh a lot!  You can see her work on Flickr by going to http://www.flickr.com/photos/beefranck/.  If you appreciate humor, talent and witicisms, please check out her stuff!  Also, subscribe to Mr. X Stitch via the site or Facebook.  (He is also megacool and a Brit!)  This stuff absolutely feeds me inspiration as well as making me laugh.  I can't believe how creative people can be and it is freakin' awesome to see so many talented people out there producing so much stuff.  Ok sorry, I got a little carried away!!

Add that to a confirmation email I received about enrollment in a free digital photography course and I'm about to implode!  Whoopee!

All right, enough of that crazy shit.  As always, I hope everyone is well.  Catch ya later, tschus!

Craftism

General brain befuddlement has prevented any new creativity as of late.  I did however crank out a couple of things about a week or so ago:





I have a set of Hitchcock stamps that I collected years ago that I want to frame.  That is what inspired the Hitchcock piece.  The Super Bitch came from a book of cutsey patterns I bought.  I also happened to find small frames at Wally World and this was an experimentation with small designs.  I'd really like to put it at my desk at work but don't think it would be wise.

Lately I've been looking at embroidery and wanted to try it.  Again I'm lost as to what to stitch.  However I woke up last night with an idea and spent the day looking at the internet for tutorials on how to make the images in my brain come to the fabric.  There are a few photographs I've snapped over the years that I really like and I've decided to make embroidery patterns out of them.  Thankfully there are people out there in the crafty world who blog and make how-to videos for the internet.  Here is part of the pattern I put together:



I'm afraid that I might start filling up the spare room with projects so I put up an Etsy store finally in the hopes of getting rid of some of them.  You can find the store here:  www.ndbex.etsy.com.  So far I haven't sold anything but there is still hope in me to get rid of some things.  I made them pretty cheap!

Double dosing with the new drug and the Cymbalta is still a hellacious experience.  I was laid up in front of my computer all day because of it.  I hope I can get this out of my system soon.  In order to get away from all the stress, Ron and I booked a cabin for the weekend down by Stockton Lake.  It's only a couple hours away, we can take the dogs and we've been there before.  If we can afford it, we might rent a pontoon and spend Saturday morning tooling around the lake.  We badly need to get out of town and have some fun.  I'm so excited to go!

That's my exciting life this week.  Tschus!!