More pinups, but first, the art museum

What a week!  The weekend was great.  I attended an art lecture with a dear friend and we strolled through the galleries afterwards. It's such a nice, calming place to be. I took a few photos:









Photography is allowed as long as you don't use a flash. Use a flash and the docents will descend upon you with open, ravenous jaws.

I managed to paint some of the guest bathroom. It looks rather streaky right now but will be better once I get a second coat up. I'll post pics when it's done. I had an inkling that painting would be a pain in the ass but no idea it would cause the arthritis and fibro shit to flare up so badly. But that is ok, I have time to do all this. I would like to be able to unpack everything and put them away but it's hard to justify unpacking all the china cabinet only to have to repack it so I can paint behind the cabinet. Or bookshelves. Or *insert piece of furniture here* I did hang up some things in my art/rat room because I know it will be while before I paint in there.

We also got out last night for a bit. It was the 2011 Vixen Calendar release party and Miss Vixen Pinup pageant. Since a friend was competing, I really wanted to be there to support her as well as the lovely ladies behind the calendar's creation. It was super fun as the local burlesque troupe mc'd (sp) and performed. Even though we had to leave a little early, we had a really good time! I was super surprised to see they included one of my photos in their back page. I'm a back page calendar girl! Hahaa, I love it. I am so touched and happy! A year ago I never could have predicted all of this: quitting my job, modeling as a pinup, holding firm to my true self. But here I am. To be sure, I haven't handled everything as well as I could and I've made mistakes. But I'm learning and moving forward. Doing the pinup modeling has really been a boost to my self confidence. And it has introduced me to some awesome people and I keep meeting new friends with every event I attend. So if you want to help support the women who have been such an inspiration to me, as well as help out some great animal groups, you can order calendars from Pinups For Pit Bulls and Vixen Pinup Photography.





That's about it for now. Between painting and shuffling boxes, I'm working as fast as I can to finish a new cross stitch for another swap. It's a fun piece and I can't wait to post it. Until then, tschus!

Super Bex

Every time a person feels they have been through it all, something happens.  Or perhaps that's the pessimist's way of viewing the world.  I choose to look at is as trials of strength.  I may be a big, flabby goofball, but mentally I'm solid muscle.  Sure, there are times when I think that  I'm about to crack and the only cure is a vacation to a padded room, replete with wonderful sedatives, "story time" during group therapy and wonderful spa treatments in the ice baths.  But I know myself.  And I know that no matter how bad things look at the time, they will get better.  But I can't say I wasn't surprised this time.

On Saturday I got a positive pregnancy test.  Oh the joy!  We took a picture of the happy , positive test next to my smiling face.  We told a couple close friends and vowed to keep it a secret from everyone else, save Ron's mom.  On Monday I had confirmation through a blood test at my doctor, although they did say the levels were low.  Still positive, yet low.  Today I repeated those tests and my Hcg should have doubled or tripled.  Instead it went down.

Wuh waaaaaaaaaah.

I just got the call that I have a chemical pregnancy, just as I had feared.  That means I indeed got pregnant but it didn't implant in the uterus.  Instead it's getting ready to miscarry.  Any day now.

I only had the emotional high for a few days so I guess there isn't much to mourn.  This does give me some more time to acclimate the new dog, paint the rooms in the new house, etc.  I'm also trying to get off my fibromyalgia medicine as it's not safe past the first trimester anyways.  So the withdrawal symptoms have hit me and I feel exhausted and disorientated.  The pain has returned already and I am not even done taking the medicine yet.  Every time you think that maybe this shit is all in your head, your body readily reminds you that yes, indeed, this is real.

I'm just very thankful that I have some close friends here that I can talk to about all this. Because it still hurts. It still feels like a failure.

In happier news, the house is almost finalized so hopefully we can move on the 30th. I'm ready to paint and look for a new couch. I think the sectional is about done. I give it about 20 minutes on the curb and someone will have carried if off. That's my hope anyways.

Saturday is the Pinups for Pit Bulls 2011 Calendar Release Party. I did not make it into the the calendar exactly but will be included in the back page as sort of an honorable mention. I am very honored because I hope and think that the gals at PFPBs liked me but my photo wasn't exactly what they were looking for. I'm sure they had a lot of creative and wonderful submissions to choose from. However I am happy to be involved with the group as a whole because they bring such a positive and fun presence to a very serious and tragic problem in our pet community. For instance there are about 30 adoptable Pit Bulls and Pit Bull mixes that will die tonight at a shelter due to overcrowding. There are so many dogs...and then there are the dogs that just LOOK like a Pittie. Got to hate the media hype.

But if you are local and out and about this Saturday, I expect, no DEMAND, that you stop by our party! I'm not dressing up for nothing dangit. :)



That is about all I have the energy for right now. I'm so tired and my hands hurt because I've been putting off my arthritis medicine on top of everything. But all will be well in time. It always is! Excuse me while I go cry again.

Tschus.

Zombies, dogs and pin-ups: Oh my!

So what's new?  One of my brothers moved to Germany and my sister is going to be a court judge.  Very exciting!  I'm not sure how my other brother is doing right now; I hope he is well.  Myself?  I am up to the same old things.

First, I'm even more disillusioned with my career.  I am in a really negative place right now and I need to figure out how to change my situation or my attitude.  Both are tough things to change.  It's amazing how toxic stress is to your body.  I've never had problems with heartburn until recently and just general stomach pain.  Right after a really stressful event, I get a flareup of my fibromyalgia.  Seems like common sense but when you are going through something very stressful, you get tunnel vision and don't see the bigger picture.  Something has to give and I just need to figure out what step to take.  I've been mulling over this for a long time and I'm sure my blog reflects that.  I'm ready to initiate change though.

Our home buying program has hit a brick wall.  We can't buy a home here or anywhere until we get over this stalemate with our mortgage counselor.  She won't answer our emails to clarify some of things she's asking of us.  We're extremely frustrated.  I really don't want to stay in this neighborhood much longer.  We've had a lot more cops hanging around.  That makes you feel safer at first - yay!  The cops are here!  But also it's scary.  Why are the cops here so often?  What is going on?  This place sucks.

On a positive note, I've been taking Patton to obedience training once a week.  He's doing so well!  He does have a thing with peeing on people's legs however.  And he doesn't want to do some of the harder things like "lay down" or "shake" but I think we just need some practice.  I'm going to a meeting for people who have or want to train to be certified therapy dogs.  That's our goal so I have to figure out how to get Patton to that point.  Lots of practice and patience.



Of course, I indulge him too much and this is what happens.

I'm still doing a lot of volunteer work for the Pit Bull rescue.  The dogs are really sweet animals but they definitely need to be with people who understand the breed.  There are so many ignorant and irresponsible people out there.  I can't believe the emails we get from people who want us to take their dogs because the dog has become aggressive or has too much energy, etc.  "Take the dog or we'll have to put it to sleep!"  Gah.  But overall it is a very rewarding experience.  If I had the energy to do more, I would definitely do so!

Speaking of energy, I have managed to get a lot more exercise lately.  We are doing the 30 Day Shred, a Jillian Michaels dvd.  That woman is BRUTAL.  The workouts are only 20 minutes but they work everything and I've had a few people tell me I look thinner.  I haven't dropped much weight but I think I'm toning up.  I'll take that!  If I never lose another pound but can drop a couple sizes, I'm happy.  I just want my muscles to be stronger so I can support my crappy joints better.  So far so good.  I feel better about myself and it definitely helps the stress level.  My husband is so supportive too.  We have a 'fridge full of veggies.  Good for grillin'.  I feel better having cut out so much crap from my diet.  It doesn't cure anything and I still have pain.  But it's better then wallowing in a bag of Doritos and Diet Coke.

And I'm sure you've all seen this silly photo by now but this is my pro pic from the Pinups for Pitbulls event at the Record Bar:



I look very pale.

I've also been getting my zombie fix lately.  We watched Dead Snow recently and that was hilarious.  It's Norwegian and subtitled.  There are some fun Evil Dead references which made us laugh.  Very gross and funny stuff.





I just finished reading World War Z by Max Brooks.  It's written as an oral history post-zombie war.  It's well written and brought in scenarios you never think about or imagine with traditional zombie movies.  What if North Korea's bunker system was actually a lot more extensive.  After North Korea sends all its citizens underground, did they all get infected?  When the bunkers are opened up, will there be 7 million zombies in the underground city?  Or what would it be like to go into the all dark, maze-like catacombs under Paris to escape the panic outside.  Only the infected come with you and you have to fight zombies without light or firearms to help you.  Fun, freaky shit.  Very entertaining read!



And the spring zombie walk is coming up on June 4th.  I've been talked into going as a zombie this time.  If I don't have a new job by then, I think I can do it.  I'm thinking zombie paparazzi.  That way I can take as many photos as I want!  I'm such a dork.

I think I've yammered on enough for today.  Have a great Sunday!  Tschus!

Back and forth

The last couple of weeks have been really tough health-wise.  I've felt really run down, achey, nauseous, etc.  I hope that is because I'm trying to wean of steroids but I'm not sure.  I'd really like to just feel like a healthy person for a change.  Sheesh.

Our home buyer's program is dicking us around a little bit.  We are very close to being approved but they want a lot of information that we didn't believe was necessary.  It's frustrating to get this far and then have them pull you back and ask for documents from 5 years ago.  We are also wondering if we should move to the program in Phoenix.  I feel a lot of guilt for not being closer to my brother and helping him out.  I wonder if there is anything to hold us back in KC?  Ron can work anywhere for his job and I don't have any good career prospects in this town.  I'm not sure what to do.  The housing market has tanked and homes are so cheap in AZ right now.  I wish I could see a big sign over my head saying "DO IT!  LOVE, GOD."  Just something to give me a clue what the right decision is.  Go?  Stay?  What will help my health?  Complete sedation and/or lobotomy?  I guess we'll think more about it if and when we get approved for the home.  I'm so tired.

Last weekend I attended a pin-up class at Vixen Pin-up Photography studio.  The class gave tips on how to do hair and makeup and where to look for vintage-style clothing.  It was pretty fun!  There were drinks, awesome people and good girly tips.  I grew up such a tomboy that I never learned to naturally feel very feminine.  I clean up ok, but always feel awkward when I try to look girly.  It was great timing for the event last night: Pinups for Pitbulls.  They are a non-profit out of Philly and they raise money for education about bully breeds.  Miss February is a fellow volunteer and so there was a fundraiser here in KC last night.  It was pretty fun!  I forgot how much I love live music and the crowd was really cool.  The music was rockabilly and metal, so a little bit of variety.  I even ran into a gal from the class and I think we'll be friends now.  She was super awesome.  My buddy S. went with me so thankfully I didn't have to go alone (Ron is up in da north!) and she and I had a blast.  Good times.  I remember what it was like to get out and do stuff at night!

I followed their hair and makeup tips as faithfully as I could and tried to photo doc a little of it.  It took forever and I'm not sure how women do this shit everyday.

No makeup, hair curled and pinned:



Makeup done and hair unpinned:



Not sure how the hell to put in the victory curls and I'm feeling a little fluffy:



Finally done!  3 1/2 hours after getting into the bath:



These guys were the Death Valley Wolf Riders.  They sounded similar to Zombie:



The two lovely ladies on the left were the instructors for the class.  The gal on the left is the photographer and does hair and she is amazing!  The gal in the middle does makeup and her tips for makeup were so awesome.  I'm hoping to book some studio time for fun someday.  They were the nicest ladies!  My new friend from class is on the right.  She boogied with me for a bit :)



Most of my photos are pretty blurry because I don't know how to take good low-light photographs.  And I feel like a dick sticking a flash in people's faces so there ya go.

The last big news of late is that Ron got his second tattoo.  He got an image of Samus from Metroid.  He is absolutely in love with it and it turned out really well.  It was kinda fun to watch him get it:



So once again this blog is all over the place!  But since I don't blog more than once or twice every two weeks, I have to throw it all together.  I keep saying I'll do better but life always gets in the way.

Until next time....tschus.