Wish I Had Known

WARNING: If easily embarrassed about female anatomy, pregnancy, crass language, please skip this blog post.

I am about two-thirds of the way through my first pregnancy. Since I didn't want to scare myself and crank up the anxiety meter any more than it already naturally is, I didn't read up much on pregnancy.

However, there are a few things I wish I had known before I got pregnant. I've decided to compile a list. Feel free to add your own "wish I had knowns" to the comments. *I reserve the right to add to the list after I complete the remaining three months.

1. Forget the toes, where's my junk?

I always heard cute stories about how a pregnant woman's belly grows so big that she can no longer see her toes. What I didn't seem to realize was that everything is overshadowed by the belly before the toes are affected. One day I looked down and screamed, "I can't see my genitalia!!!"

If you are a woman who regularly grooms the bikini area, you'll soon realize that you can no longer see your junk to trim. Wtf. Unless you are willing to pay someone to trim your hedges, you may have to get used to a '70's bush.

2. Acne...EVERYWHERE.

Oh my god, it's like being a teenager times 100. My skin looks like a cooked, cheese pizza. My face is oily, and my chest, back and scalp are also. I've never had a back-ne problem this bad in my life. I feel like a preggo Pizza the Hut.

3. Delicate flower vs. Preg-zilla

Everyone treats a pregnant lady like they are going to break. Sometimes I feel delicate, like an egg on the edge of a table. But some days I feel like I could crush someone's wind pipe with my bare hands. I did threaten to shove dog shit down a neighbor kids's throat but later I found out the the kid is indeed a little bastard and probably deserved it. However no shit was ever inserted into said bastards mouth. As of today, no one has been seriously harmed, maimed, or disfigured by me and I have not shattered into a million pieces. *I reserve the right to also amend this statement.

4. Body hair

Yes, it's true that hormones and vitamins make your hair grow thicker and faster. But I didn't think of my body hair in this little tidbit of information. It's everywhere and it's growing faster than the alien green moss that took over Stephen King in Creepshow.

My stomach, toes, ass crack....there is no sexiness left.

But yes, my mane is long and thick, if not more unruly then it was before. If I take the time to style it, it looks quite nice. But I'm too damn tired most days and it normally looks oily and flat on top while bushy on the bottom. Nice. I'm also paranoid that it's getting thinner on the top. I'm scared one day I'll wake up to look like Cookie the Clown. *shudder*

5. Morning sickness isn't like it is in the movies.

So those scenes in movies where the actress has morning sickness? She feels ill, runs to the restroom, pukes and goes back to work. Yeah. Fucking. Right. I am fortunate not to have vomited a lot but when I did, it was as if my whole body threw up, not just my stomach. The heartburn was incredible! My stomach cramped so hard during the retching that I pissed myself. There was no control over my body anymore. I was too sick to even be humiliated. I'm just happy I didn't also shit myself.

And I didn't have a wave of nausea and then feel better. It lasted all day. I lost almost 10 lbs. Ginger ale and crackers do help however. I learned to just eat whatever the fuck didn't offend my sense of smell or awaken the Satan-stomach. Most days it was Ritz crackers and cheddar cheese.

6. Everyone will treat you like you're stupid so you might as well run with it.

Yep, the minute you get pregnant, people will treat you like you have no common sense, cannot take care of yourself and need constant advice on everything. Even if you didn't have mush-brain, you might as well just act like you do. Play up the stupid, why not? While people are patronizing you and chastising your decisions, you can secretly plot their deaths. I liken it to Pinky and the Brain.

7. Bodily functions are no longer as embarrassing when expressed in public.

I've never been super flatulent so this is a new and uncomfortable change. I try to contain myself in public whenever possible but let's face it. As months go by, there is less and less room in there. I've scared Patton with my farts, poor dog. And when you gotta go, you don't care if you are in the middle of the ghetto Mall of the Great Plains. You announce it, perhaps too loudly in the store, to your spouse that "I HAVE TO SHIT---NOW!" and you get to the bathroom ASAP.

Another movie metaphor to illustrate my point:



I'm going to stop here. Why stop at 7? My pregnant brain can't think anymore today. I'm sure more things will be added to this list as my belly continues to eclipse my feet. I leave you with a humorous parody by a woman who is 38 weeks along.



Tschus!

Goats and 'ho's

Ok there were no 'ho's there, but we saw plenty of goats and other cute animals at the Deanna Rose Children's Farmstead this weekend. We wanted to scout out free/cheap things to do with our kiddo in the future so off we went!

They have a small dairy operation going on here which reminded me of my mother's upbringing on a dairy farm. I miss that place! And I love goats even though Ron says they have demon eyes. I think they are adorable. The kids can bottle feed them there. We also fed some corn to the geese who repaid us with enthusiastic pecks and intimidating hisses. Geese kinda freak me out.



Random little cutie feeding some goat babies.



I wanted to squirrel this one out and bring him home.



Sleepy calf.



I'm going to peck your eyes out if you come any closer.



They just completed a replica of a Kaw earth lodge.



Small tipi.



What did you all do this weekend? We also got a ton of house stuff done and that is a relief! Now I can watch Hoarders without feeling the need to jump up and vacuum. Whew. :)

Until next time....tschus!

Clouds and blankets

I have only a few mins to kill before the dog trainer gets here, finally. I am hoping Horace does some of his bull shit so the trainer can see what we need to work on.

So in the meantime I thought I'd through out some random shit about baby blankets and clouds. Because that's what is going on in my world lately.

My friend Teri, the awesome, awesome gal who gives me massages and is also expecting sent me some blankets that she and her mom had made for me. I was flabbergasted because they are so damn cute!! She knew I love dogs and was doing a puppy themed nursery so she found this fabric and made a hand-tied quilt:

She also sent the adorable puppy that Tobin tried to claim. Too bad Tobin! Not for you!

Isn't that cute?!

Her mom sent the pink one with a burp cloth. I love the delicate pink color and the little sheep.

Annd lovely craftster Pam sent me this vintage quilt! Puppies, kitties, lambs, etc. They are so cute! For some reason Tobin was once again all over this package. I think he wants a snuggle blanket.

And here is the back, complete with pudgy lil' kids:

I am so damn lucky to have such awesome, generous people in my life. This baby is going to have so many wonderful honorary aunts and uncles! Thank you ladies!

So on with the clouds! Thankfully the weather has become less "Satan's Oven" and it's moved on to its normal, volatile self.

Here Ron tries sweet talking all the thunderstorm anxious dogs out on the porch where we watch a small funnel try to form on Sunday. Luckily it broke up right away.



And here is just the general 'hood while we wait for it to really come down. Notice the lack of trees around. And the nasally voice. Heh.



And a couple weeks ago I took a photo of the outside of the house and our street. It's pretty quiet here and most of the neighbors are really nice.

Say goodbye corporate truck next week!

Sunset

So that's my update. Two completely unrelated things you probably didn't care about. :) Ok, about time for the trainer to get here. Wish us luck!!

Tschus!

Schadenfreude

I know we all have people like this in our lives. I've noticed it a bit more today. Ever have those friends or acquaintances who love to share in all your bad news but have nothing good to say when you have great, amazing news?

Sure it's nice to have someone commiserate when things are going poorly but a true friend can be happy for you too. I've noticed some people who never seem happy when another has found fortune and instead will make backhanded comments like "gee I wish *I* was doing XYZ." Well, if that is what you wish to do, then why don't you do it?

I understand some folks are down and out and unable to muster the happy feelings for a friend during their own times of crises, but when it is a constant thing, I kind of wonder about this person. It's such a waste of time and energy to be envious towards someone because you perceive their lives to be better. Why not put that emotion into bettering your own life? It's insulting to the people in your life if you think your life sucks and it could be so much better.

I think I used to be this kind of person. But when I felt that my life was shit, I made changes. I prayed. I had faith and opened myself up to seeing the good things around me instead of the shitty things. Once I did that, guess what? My life got better. I quit envying others and started to be really grateful for what I had. Happy for what I can still do instead of what I can no longer do.

Yesterday my husband came home from a doctor's appointment and told me about a man he met in the waiting room. This huge man was covered in gang tattoos and had his little two month old daughter with him. My husband started talking to him about his daughter, sharing with him that he was expecting his own little girl this fall. They got to talking about the man's tattoos, many he acquired while doing 18 years in prison. This man was from Compton and moved to KS after doing his time in order to make a new life for himself and his children. With his prison history and tattoos, he's had a hard time getting a job. Instead of working, he is studying to be a counselor for at-risk youth and other prisoners. Ron was so touched by this man's story and how hard he is working to better his life. He told me that while we have hard times, we just don't have it that bad. We've never had to overcome so much, like this man has.

My husband said there were several nervous stares shot in their direction during this conversation and we both marveled at how a person is judged by their outside so often instead of their inside. How easy it is to look at someone and think you know how great or how awful their lives are? I find myself doing it a lot too. Rich lady in a Lexus who is perfectly groomed, on her phone, cutting me off in the line of a drive-through. (By the way, don't get in the way of a pregnant lady and her chicken nuggets, ok??) I determined that because of her appearance and her actions, she was incredibly selfish and self-centered. That could be true, but maybe she had a sick kid at home she was trying to get to. Maybe she had diarrhea. Maybe she just had a rough day at work and wasn't thinking clearly. Who knows?

All I know is that I've paid my dues and I have a right to be happy. For each good thing that happens in our lives, Ron and I take a moment to thank God and reflect on how grateful we are. For all the bad things we experience, we try to learn from them. So I guess I get a little tired when I read the back handed comments, when I notice the chilly responses to good news or the lack of any response at all. I always try to be happy for people, to celebrate with them and encourage them. I also am there for them when they experience loss, sadness, and frustration.

So yes, good news has come to us on the tail of some bad news. But we are seeing both outcomes as good things and choosing to dwell on the positives. Yes, Horace has a horrible diagnosis and he's going to be a tough case. He has severe hip dysplasia which we didn't expect in a mutt who is only around 2 years old. In the last week alone we've spent over $400 on his medical issues. Next week we are spending another $350 to set him up with a trainer. I have over $900 in medical bills that I need to pay but so what? I've set up a payment plan and have stuck to it. Horace has needs now. Sure it would be easier to put him down. He's growly and he has pain issues.

But let's go back to Rowdy. Rowdy the dog who came to us around age 12, abandoned in the street because his arthritis was so bad, he was deaf and had lost nearly all his front teeth. That dog NEVER had a chance at a happy life with medical care, kisses and understanding. But here comes Horace into our lives. Same severe hip issues as Rowdy but so much younger. He has a chance if only we will give it to him. This shit does not happen by chance my friends. Everything happens for a reason.

We have time to save up the money for Horace's hip surgeries. And guess what? Ron got a new job a day after the diagnosis. We will be able to save up for that now. Coincidence? Not in our eyes.

Will life give us rotten lemons again? I can guarantee it. We'll face more hurdles, shitty health, insanity from a crying, sick baby, etc. But there will be sunny days, picnics in the park, doggie kisses, baby smiles, love and laughter.

Alles gut meinen freunden. Alles gut.

Tschus.

Injection schmecktion

Aww shucks, I tried to get shots in my jaw joint today but turns out that is rather specialized and only a doctor can do it. I saw the PA today and he gave me some injections in my knees only. It hurt to have my hips done but holy crap, that's nothing compared to the knees. Thankfully they do put some freezing stuff on your skin to help soften the initial stab.

I'm very glad that I broke down and bought my folding cane. It came in handy! I didn't need it much going in but I sure as shit needed it to get back out to the car. I have to admit that it was weird walking with it. A 60 year old man had to slow down and let me by, during which I apologized. He said, "no apology necessary at all."

It generally takes a few days for the shots to really kick in so we'll see if soon I'm beating strangers with my cane instead of walking with it.

I tried to take some updated belly shots since next week I'll be 6 months along. This is the best I can do without hauling out the tripod and camera remote.

And yes, I said to hell with doing hair and makeup today so apologies for being a bit more frumpy than usual.

This belly photo really doesn't do me justice. I look much bigger in person. Last I measured a month ago, I was at least 40 inches in the waist.

Last night my hubs and I were talking and I posed the question again: what if my breast implants triggered the autoimmune disease? And by talking to him, I realized that I was fucked no matter what. By getting the mastectomy and reconstruction, I almost completely eliminated my chances of breast cancer. If I did choose the path that awakened the RA beast, the only thing I can do now is to remove the implants and wear falsies. I'm not sure if I'm ready to do that, given that there is no definitive proof that the implants are linked to the disease. Interesting to think of though.

And regarding the pregnancy, there is a theory that some women go into remission during pregnancy because the father's DNA in the baby takes over, pushing RA into remission. Since that's an unproven theory with no studies to back it up, I'm not going to think too much on it. But by that thinking, Baby EK has all my genes. Which if I allow myself to think it, poses the worry: will she have RA and endometriosis too? Am I bringing her into this world to have a load of issues? I sure hope not. I'm not going to think on that one too long since I don't need the stress. But it's entered my mind ever since finding out the sex of the baby. God, don't let her have endometriosis.

Our doggies have been really great lately. They are all lovey and snuggly and licky. Tomorrow we are taking Horace in for his xrays and I'm praying that he doesn't have some expensive, impossible condition. I hope it's just mild arthritis or something we can manage with supplements and aspirin. Please keep him in your happy, puppy thoughts tomorrow!! Since we have to have him sedated to get really thorough xrays, Ron is coming with me to help transport him. Thank goodness.

Horr-Bear

Patter-pooh

All three of my little fluffy beasts. I love them so much!

That's my week so far. Hope you all are well. Tschus.

My Breast Enemies

Huzzah! Somebody out there gets it! I just ran across this article today on Parenting.com called "The Breast Police." The article begins with stories of women who have been harassed and bullied while out buying formula or bottle feeding their babies in public. Since becoming obviously pregnant, I have had a little more of the unwanted advice from well-intentioned people. I do know what it's like to have people question your every move, every decision, every piece of food or drink that enters your mouth because you are pregnant. This article came to me at an appropriate time.

It would be interesting to find out when breastfeeding became so taboo, so sexualized and embarrassing in our society. I know I was formula fed in the '70's but apparently it wasn't for my mom's lack of trying. She just never could do it. I don't think groups like La Leche League were around then so she probably didn't have a good support system to assist her. Thankfully, while not as good as mother's milk, formula is now so much better, in better containers (no BPA, thank you!) and babies can gain weight and be healthy on formula. Without knowing the details of how our society shifted in thinking, I would think after the sexual revolution that a more earthy, natural way to feed our babies would be more accepted. That doesn't seem to be the case though. I think it's really sad that women are made to feel disgusting for breastfeeding in public.

However, that doesn't make it right for anyone, especially other women, to harass women who bottle feed their babies. My god people, when will you learn that life is not divided into black and white? I know that I can't breastfeed. Hey, my boobs are gone ;there is no bringing them back! I'm sure there are plenty of women who cannot or choose not to breastfeed because they need to be on certain medications, have a low milk production, cannot for the life of them get their baby to take the breast, etc. Why is that anyone else's business but hers? And how can you possibly assume anything by looking at her and furthermore, why would you ever give a nasty look or open your mouth to this person?

Personally, I agonized about getting my mastectomy because I hadn't had a chance to have children yet. I wanted to breastfeed not only for the health of the baby, but for the bonding experience. I cried over it and finally talked to my dad about it. He said, "Why are you so worried? Your mom didn't breastfeed with any of you kids." And while I have health issues, none of them are because my mother formula fed me. From all accounts, I was a pretty healthy baby and all the attention given to me by my mother is what created our bond. (As an aside, the hospital where I got my mastectomy was renovating their surgical ward so I recovered in the maternity ward. As I was leaving the nurse asked how I was and I said tired and sore. She said to get used to be tired for the next 18 years. I looked at her and said, "I didn't give birth, I had a mastectomy." Blank stare.)

I'd like to say this is a backlash for all the shit breastfeeding moms get when nursing in public. However I'm more inclined to think that this is just how women are. Take this situation away and it would be something else. Remember the lady who let her little boy dress up as a female cartoon character for Halloween? The teachers and moms at her schools not only gave her shit, they bullied her son! I'm not saying men don't act like this but more often than not this is women tearing down other women for their decisions.

The final paragraph really sums this up well: "The politics of breastfeeding in this country is, after all, more about mothering than about milk. And mothers, for some reason, have always been the most meddled-with, second-guessed people on earth. Just a few decades ago, doctors in this country would push breastfeeding women to use formula if their babies weren't gaining weight at an acceptable rate, and mothers who nursed outside the home were considered lewd. Now, a mom who gives a hungry infant a little formula is led to believe by some people she's poisoning him. When will the world learn to trust mothers? When will concerned strangers give women they don't know the benefit of the doubt? These are matters that society may tackle someday. In the meantime, moms soldier on, doing what they must -- the very best they can."

So far I have found that along with my normal, neutral face, that tattoos have kept away any of the strange "belly touchers" out there. And I haven't had too much unsolicited advice from strangers but rather from people I know. I am hoping that my tattoos continue to thwart uppity people who may have some comments for me when I'm out buying formula or when I put a bottle in our baby's mouth while at a restaurant. I feel terrible for anyone who is harassed by anyone for anything.

But I also think we need to start empowering ourselves. No one can make you feel like shit if you don't let them. So if you are bottle feeding, be prepared for the looks and the comments. I suggest preparing a list of snide remarks to hand out to those jerk wagons who feel they have a right to comment on your personal business. Get artsy with it! Make a logo to go with your creative "fuck offs!"

And I really recommend the tattoos. :)

Frakkin' Friday

Hey it's Friday and even when you are unemployed that's good news.

I'm less angsty the last couple days, thanks in part to my friends over at EFU, my embroidery gang who has turned out to be probably the most supportive group of people in my life next to my family. Also I think my body is finally stabilizing back to the regular dose of 'roids. I was sort of wondering when the 'roid rage would kick in. I theorize that 'roid rage increases with body temperature. The only cure for 'roid rage is more cowbell and more ice cream.

Yesterday I limped outside across the scalding cement to the mailbox (I always forget to put shoes on) and retrieved the mail. The utility bill was a bit shocking and I thought "oh well, pay some of it and they won't shut it off." I opened the next item and it was a nice check for a surplus in our escrow account. I had to call the hubby to have him interpret this info for me, never having owned property before and seeing English words but hearing them in Klingon in my mind. The money is enough to schedule Horace's xrays and training session.

That's right, we can afford to start his training and see wtf is going on in his leg and/or hips. Now if he needs a hip replacement, that costs $3,000 and there is little chance in Hell that we can do that. However if he has an old fracture or some general arthritis, we can deal with it. Please keep sending those positive vibes to us so we get good news next week!

So we've had a bit of a miracle. I know that deep down, no matter what shit we have going on, life somehow works itself out. Being a spiritual person, I believe in a higher power's intervention on this but you can call it whatever you want. Sometimes it just takes the individual getting tired of her situation and changing tactics. But whatever it is, I'm just thankful that we can get this damned dog worked on already.

And I'm also able to order a sewing table so we can get the rest of my crafty stuff out of the baby's room. Painting to commence in a few weeks. Then the fun stuff begins such as putting together the dresser and crib, washing and putting away all the little clothes we've thrifted and salvaged. I'm excited to get the room all done!!

The baby has another ultrasound on August 8th and after that we'll have one once a month until I hit about 30 weeks. Then we'll have one once every two weeks. I'm really glad my doctor is being so careful about all this. It makes me feel a lot better to see her on the ultrasound and hear her heart beating. The kicking has increased and Ron can finally feel it too. It's pretty incredible. Kinda feels like IBS though. My intestines can be pretty brutal.

Well I have errands to run and a house to clean. Friends are coming over tomorrow to help me learn my damned sewing machine since my attempts at making pillows from my cross stitched designs tragically failed. What a cluster fuck that was!

Here are some Friday Funnies to send you out in style. Have a good weekend, stay cool. Tschus.