It would be interesting to find out when breastfeeding became so taboo, so sexualized and embarrassing in our society. I know I was formula fed in the '70's but apparently it wasn't for my mom's lack of trying. She just never could do it. I don't think groups like La Leche League were around then so she probably didn't have a good support system to assist her. Thankfully, while not as good as mother's milk, formula is now so much better, in better containers (no BPA, thank you!) and babies can gain weight and be healthy on formula. Without knowing the details of how our society shifted in thinking, I would think after the sexual revolution that a more earthy, natural way to feed our babies would be more accepted. That doesn't seem to be the case though. I think it's really sad that women are made to feel disgusting for breastfeeding in public.
However, that doesn't make it right for anyone, especially other women, to harass women who bottle feed their babies. My god people, when will you learn that life is not divided into black and white? I know that I can't breastfeed. Hey, my boobs are gone ;there is no bringing them back! I'm sure there are plenty of women who cannot or choose not to breastfeed because they need to be on certain medications, have a low milk production, cannot for the life of them get their baby to take the breast, etc. Why is that anyone else's business but hers? And how can you possibly assume anything by looking at her and furthermore, why would you ever give a nasty look or open your mouth to this person?
Personally, I agonized about getting my mastectomy because I hadn't had a chance to have children yet. I wanted to breastfeed not only for the health of the baby, but for the bonding experience. I cried over it and finally talked to my dad about it. He said, "Why are you so worried? Your mom didn't breastfeed with any of you kids." And while I have health issues, none of them are because my mother formula fed me. From all accounts, I was a pretty healthy baby and all the attention given to me by my mother is what created our bond. (As an aside, the hospital where I got my mastectomy was renovating their surgical ward so I recovered in the maternity ward. As I was leaving the nurse asked how I was and I said tired and sore. She said to get used to be tired for the next 18 years. I looked at her and said, "I didn't give birth, I had a mastectomy." Blank stare.)
I'd like to say this is a backlash for all the shit breastfeeding moms get when nursing in public. However I'm more inclined to think that this is just how women are. Take this situation away and it would be something else. Remember the lady who let her little boy dress up as a female cartoon character for Halloween? The teachers and moms at her schools not only gave her shit, they bullied her son! I'm not saying men don't act like this but more often than not this is women tearing down other women for their decisions.
The final paragraph really sums this up well: "The politics of breastfeeding in this country is, after all, more about mothering than about milk. And mothers, for some reason, have always been the most meddled-with, second-guessed people on earth. Just a few decades ago, doctors in this country would push breastfeeding women to use formula if their babies weren't gaining weight at an acceptable rate, and mothers who nursed outside the home were considered lewd. Now, a mom who gives a hungry infant a little formula is led to believe by some people she's poisoning him. When will the world learn to trust mothers? When will concerned strangers give women they don't know the benefit of the doubt? These are matters that society may tackle someday. In the meantime, moms soldier on, doing what they must -- the very best they can."
So far I have found that along with my normal, neutral face, that tattoos have kept away any of the strange "belly touchers" out there. And I haven't had too much unsolicited advice from strangers but rather from people I know. I am hoping that my tattoos continue to thwart uppity people who may have some comments for me when I'm out buying formula or when I put a bottle in our baby's mouth while at a restaurant. I feel terrible for anyone who is harassed by anyone for anything.
But I also think we need to start empowering ourselves. No one can make you feel like shit if you don't let them. So if you are bottle feeding, be prepared for the looks and the comments. I suggest preparing a list of snide remarks to hand out to those jerk wagons who feel they have a right to comment on your personal business. Get artsy with it! Make a logo to go with your creative "fuck offs!"
And I really recommend the tattoos. :)
