Super Bex

Every time a person feels they have been through it all, something happens.  Or perhaps that's the pessimist's way of viewing the world.  I choose to look at is as trials of strength.  I may be a big, flabby goofball, but mentally I'm solid muscle.  Sure, there are times when I think that  I'm about to crack and the only cure is a vacation to a padded room, replete with wonderful sedatives, "story time" during group therapy and wonderful spa treatments in the ice baths.  But I know myself.  And I know that no matter how bad things look at the time, they will get better.  But I can't say I wasn't surprised this time.

On Saturday I got a positive pregnancy test.  Oh the joy!  We took a picture of the happy , positive test next to my smiling face.  We told a couple close friends and vowed to keep it a secret from everyone else, save Ron's mom.  On Monday I had confirmation through a blood test at my doctor, although they did say the levels were low.  Still positive, yet low.  Today I repeated those tests and my Hcg should have doubled or tripled.  Instead it went down.

Wuh waaaaaaaaaah.

I just got the call that I have a chemical pregnancy, just as I had feared.  That means I indeed got pregnant but it didn't implant in the uterus.  Instead it's getting ready to miscarry.  Any day now.

I only had the emotional high for a few days so I guess there isn't much to mourn.  This does give me some more time to acclimate the new dog, paint the rooms in the new house, etc.  I'm also trying to get off my fibromyalgia medicine as it's not safe past the first trimester anyways.  So the withdrawal symptoms have hit me and I feel exhausted and disorientated.  The pain has returned already and I am not even done taking the medicine yet.  Every time you think that maybe this shit is all in your head, your body readily reminds you that yes, indeed, this is real.

I'm just very thankful that I have some close friends here that I can talk to about all this. Because it still hurts. It still feels like a failure.

In happier news, the house is almost finalized so hopefully we can move on the 30th. I'm ready to paint and look for a new couch. I think the sectional is about done. I give it about 20 minutes on the curb and someone will have carried if off. That's my hope anyways.

Saturday is the Pinups for Pit Bulls 2011 Calendar Release Party. I did not make it into the the calendar exactly but will be included in the back page as sort of an honorable mention. I am very honored because I hope and think that the gals at PFPBs liked me but my photo wasn't exactly what they were looking for. I'm sure they had a lot of creative and wonderful submissions to choose from. However I am happy to be involved with the group as a whole because they bring such a positive and fun presence to a very serious and tragic problem in our pet community. For instance there are about 30 adoptable Pit Bulls and Pit Bull mixes that will die tonight at a shelter due to overcrowding. There are so many dogs...and then there are the dogs that just LOOK like a Pittie. Got to hate the media hype.

But if you are local and out and about this Saturday, I expect, no DEMAND, that you stop by our party! I'm not dressing up for nothing dangit. :)



That is about all I have the energy for right now. I'm so tired and my hands hurt because I've been putting off my arthritis medicine on top of everything. But all will be well in time. It always is! Excuse me while I go cry again.

Tschus.

“Fleeced” stitch

Didn't I post this yet? Ah well I'm sure you've seen it on my Facebook page. If not, this was the last stitch that I did. It's a quote from the tv series Deadwood. Al Swearengen is one of my faves and I had to finish this piece before I got to the actual town of Deadwood.

I want to make it into a pillow however I've never made a pillow in my life. So I'm considering a small sewing machine purchase and reading a crap load of tutorials. Any thoughts? I'd love some kitchy cowboy fabric for the back.



That's all for now. Pain, tired, looking at some life transition stuff....heh. No biggie!!!

Tschus.

Absence makes the heart do what?

I haven't been posting much lately which is not just due to laziness and being busy, but because Flickr changed the way they do their sharing code. Stupid Flickr. It's just another step to do when blogging.

First, we made it up to the Rapid City area a few weeks ago so I could attend a conference. It was beautiful, calm and fun. We managed to get to Mt. Rushmore, Crazy Horse and Deadwood but not much else. The conference stuff took up the rest of the time, plus it was about 11 hours each way. Sadie and Patton went with which brought down the cost of the trip (no kenneling.) My presentation went well and it was good to connect with an old buddy from graduate school. Perhaps I'll get more involved with this museum group in the future. It felt great to be treated like a professional!

Some photos:





















You can see a crap-ton more on Flickr.

Also we have been house hunting like crazy. There isn't really much rush other than we are tired of paying exorbitant amounts of money to live in this duplex. And our allergies have never been so bad. We made an offer on one house but the lady wouldn't pay any closing costs. We did find something, much farther south, that includes those costs. The house is in a new development and is only seven years old.

Here is the outside:



If the bank approves the final paperwork (which it should!) I will be posting plenty of photos later. We do have to finish off a couple parts of the fence so the dogs can run free. I don't think I'll have time to dig up a garden before it freezes but for sure next spring. The house is near a corn field, on the edge of town and about twenty miles from downtown KC. It's also near a small air strip and we can watch little bi-planes flying around. I'm pretty damned excited.

And finally, I went out looking for a new Rowdy. Silly me, you can't replace your pets. I mean, sure you can clone them now. But they have such unique personalities, which I don't believe can be replicated. So long story short, we looked at some Cocker Spaniels and came home with a giant Collie/Shepherd mix. His name is Tobin. That's what they called him at the shelter and I can't think of anything better to name him.



That's about all I can think of off the top of my head. It's been hella busy to say the least. Maybe things will call down next year??

Duck duck duck GOOSE

Ok so no big whoop but today a friend and I went to Cirilla's which is an adult novelty store.  After much giggling and oggling, I made some purchases, including a Rubber Duckie.....with a twist.



Of course, curious and a bit "off" on our own end, hub and I  put some batteries in the duck and turned it on. NOTHING. No wonder it was on sale. I really bought it because it was half off and I thought it would make my hubby laugh. Because it was defunct, I decided to return it as soon as possible.

We decided to go play some Earth Defense Force on the Xbox. Between levels we heard this noise. It was an awful, loud sound....as if a jack hammer/nail gun was being used on our front door. We just looked at each other, hollered "OH NO" and ran into the kitchen. There was the BDSM duckie, hammering away on the counter. How it managed to turn itself on, I don't know. I guess we won't take it back just yet.



So that is my Saturday story of the rubber duckie. What did you do today?

See you on the flipside

Rest in peace little Ratchet.  You made me laugh, you taught me that God makes miracles in little packages, rats are some of the best bets in the world and you were the best rattie in the world.Give Rowdy some kisses for me...

melted plastic

Yep, I had a meltdown.  But I'll be ok.  I'm still kickin', still alive, still working on bettering myself and our lives.  Ratchet isn't dead yet, we are almost broke for the next week but can afford another round of rat meds.

Other good things: Upcoming trip to SoDak Husbeast still loves his job and is rockin' at it

Sadie and Patton are healthy It's no longer hotter than shit outside As long as we can save some more money, we'll be in a house hopefully around the first of the year.  NACA was a bust.  Don't do NACA. I still have all my limbs and motor function My husband is still my best friend and is a wonderful guyHaving a lot of stress plus fertility hormones is a BAD combination.  Wow.  The depression is horrible.Things I hope will make me feel better:Better efforts at overall general health need to be undertaken.  Therefore whether I feel good or am pain-free, I need to work out.  Walk, water exercise, running up and down the stairs until I get dizzy and fall off the steps, WHATEVER.  Anything at this point.Next step is to return to the low-chemical diet.  I've been eating and drinking more processed foods lately.  Bad move.See you later gluten.  What the hell, I'll give it a shot.Clean up this friggin' house.Lose 15 lbs.Uhhh.....start up a stitching project.  I have a general idea of something reusing a big frame I fucked up for a picture.Zone out at work, completely and utterly.  No more work stress.  Apathy is a must.Sorry this is rambling.  It's not really for you, faceless audience, but to drive home some things I need to remember.  Perhaps a little self-imposed cyber exile will get more things done in this house.Gotta go, time for zombie movies.Tschus.

Don’t fight Teh Crazy

I think I should just give in and fully cross the threshold of Crazy.  Why fight it?  Hey, a nice, snug sweater.  A padded room.  Twenty-four hour room service.  And lots and lots of drugs.  Sounds like a helluva vacation!

Since Rowdy died, my ex fucked up royally and now his daughter moved back to NE.  I won't see her very often and I worry about her like crazy.  Not that I can do much for her even if she was here. We did manage to get a night to hang out and I took this before dropping her off:



I'll make some trips up to Lincoln and spend some time with her.  It's only a few hours away and I still have friends there I'd love to visit.  It will all work out.

I've been trying to get out a bit more because that's what you do when you fight Teh Crazy.  So we've gone to the park and I'm walking the dogs more again since it isn't hotter than a fat man's ass crack anymore.  Sadie uses any chance she can to take a dip.  Notice the amount of algae in the water:



Patton's therapy dog training is going well. He should be approved soon and we'll start visiting assisted living facilities. I think he'll really enjoy the attention and mental stimulation.



We got his DNA test back by the way and no major breeds were detected. However they did find 25% Pomeranian and 25% French Bull Dog. Who knew? No Pit Bull detected however.

We also finally went to the zoo. It's a nice smaller zoo and we decided to just get a membership. The only bad part of it is having to drive through the 'hood to get there. We didn't get to see even half of it because of time and heat/humidity/nasty f'in weather. Here are some highlights:











We also attended a Royals-Yankees game in one of the suites. It rained. But at least we were in the suite.



And what else this month? Oh yeah, we found out that I'm not pregnant. FERTILITY FAIL.



There really is no explanation for it but all I can think is that I'm too stressed.Work has been extremely difficult lately. Going from a desk to manual labor and standing all day is not good. I really couldn't do it anymore and had to request to be taken off the big storage move. I felt like a piece of shit asking that but I can't do this stuff. I don't think my department is too happy with me but there wasn't any choice. I hate admitting I can't do some things. But even though I couldn't keep up, I did learn a new skill. Scissor lift driving. Not that I'm good at it or know how to do it safely. Ha.



So stress management is on "to-do" list from now on. More exercise, less worrying, no more lifting crap at work, standing on hard floors and driving scissor lifts into giant shelving units filled with precious artifacts. Once again I say, somethin's gotta give.That's all for now.  Tschus!