So in the course of my constant Facebooking and Twittering tonight, I thought about how we may mislead people about ourselves on social networking. Speaking for myself, I usually only post flattering photos of myself, unlike this photo:
As I was getting ready for bed tonight I thought back to an earlier Facebook post I made about weight and BMI. Some study (another ambiguous "They") said that if we are a little overweight we are still at serious risk for a bunch of health issues. Considering the fact that I already have health issues and that I ate a really horrible diet today and that my BMI is bordering on "overweight", I made the sarcastic remark that I'm screwed. Of course some viewers see my figure in photos and wonder what the hell am I bitching about. And really...what the hell am I bitching about?
I could be much plumper. I have a nice bit of hourglass going on. I can fit into most standard sizes if they range in the size 12 arena. And I generally feel pretty good about myself. To clarify, my issues are:
*The more weight I gain, the harder it is on my joints. RA loves to flare up with weight gain.
*Now that I've made it into two calendars (albeit the back pages) I feel more pressure to maintain or become a certain size.
*I'd like to tone up and drop a size because I have a lot of clothing that is a size 10 and not a 12. I'm too cheap to buy new clothes and my one size 12 pair of jeans is mighty worn out. It would be easier to go back to the smaller size rather than buying bigger and newer clothing.
*Vanity. I felt more confident and happier with myself when I weighed about 15 lbs less.
So I thought before I take my Ambien and become a living zombie, wouldn't it be a bit silly to list the yuckier sides of myself that I don't post about? It's not a pity party or complaints. These are just realities. I hope someone reads them and thinks, "holy crap, she's just like me" or "wow here I thought badly of myself but now I feel MUCH better!"
So in no order of importance:
*When I'm stressed out, I break out in pimples on my chest.
*I didn't know what an orgasm felt like until I was 27.
*My hair is usually very frizzy but I just got a bad haircut. Now it hovers between Hermione and Peppermint Patty.
*I'm extremely naive and until my late 20s didn't know much about sex.
*I'm asymmetrical. All over. My eyes are not the same shape. My boobs aren't the same despite having a mastectomy and a plastic surgeon reconstructing them. My feet are not the same size. I'd hazard a guess that one of my legs is slightly longer than the other.
*I'm extremely high strung. I get stressed out easily and have to sit through sessions with a professional on how to visualize my "happy place."
*I relate to animals better then people and that's why I love dogs so much.
*I can never remember when to use "than" versus "then."
*I have a very round face which looks really wide in photos. Therefore I try to pose for photos at an angle. I rarely post full frontal shots because of this. It's silly but I think I look like a doofus otherwise.
*I have a dimple on my ass. And I have a lot of cellulite on my thighs.
*Having IBS makes my gut distended 90% of the time.
There ya go. I could go on, but it would really be nitpicking. I love myself. Despite my illnesses and my neuroses, I think I'm a pretty cool chick. And I'm really happy with my life for the most part. But let's face it. The internet allows us to project ourselves as whoever the fuck we want to be, whether or not it's true, or even if it's only 1/4 of who we really are. Who are we kidding here? I fart, burp and sweat just like everyone else does. My life is not always charmed. I definitely have some cool shit going on but that's because I seek it out. It doesn't come to me, knocking at my front door. I've pushed myself out of my comfort zone on several occasions and luckily that has paid off most of the time. But I'd really love it if I could work full time at a job I love, not feel pain or fatigue all the time, not worry about how I will shit everyday and why my gut is so bloated, etc., etc., etc.
My point is: don't be fooled by what you see one a person's exterior, whether in person or on his/her social networking profiles. We're all a bit fucked up. Some of us more then others. Than others? See, I don't know. It's time for my sleepy medication and soon I'll forget the last 15 minutes from now.
Take care, love yourselves and see you later, or, as I always say in German...Tschus.
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