NO MAS!

I tried posting this earlier but the damn site timed out.  Here we go again, in more ways than one.

I was called into my gynecologist's office today to discuss something they found on my dye test that I was not aware of.  While my fallopian tubes are open, it appears I have a birth defect that causes abnormalities of the uterus as well as the kidneys.  Tomorrow I'm having an ultrasound of my kidneys to make sure they are shaped correctly.  It looks like I have a septated uterus which is the product of a Mullerian defect.  I have to see an infertility specialist and possibly have surgery to correct it.  What it amounts to is having a wall or septum inside my uterus that portions off the uterus into two "rooms."  If the fertilized egg implants into the septum part instead of the lining of the uterus, I can miscarry.  It's also possible that I could carry to term and never know the difference.

We are seriously looking at adoption now.  Infertility treatment is such a gamble and so very expensive.  I'm not sure insurance would cover any of this.  This defect can cause a lot of pain and exacerbate endometriosis which I believe is happening.  But the minute someone mentions infertility, insurance doesn't want to pay for it.  I believe having this surgery would actually help my pain.

I'm frustrated beyond expression and getting pretty depressed.  I'm to the point now where I just want to give up completely.  But fortunately or unfortunately, the only option I have is to move forward.  So now matter what they tell me is wrong next, I can only accept it and move on.  Fuckityfuckfuckfuckerton.