I can't believe we're half way through June. Every day is another adventure! My wee one is crawling, saying Momma and Da Da, got her first tooth and can pull herself into a standing position, if very motivated. Time goes so quickly.
The organic experiment in the house is going well. I find myself trying new recipes to use up the produce before it spoils. Today I had regular blueberries and organic strawberries to use up so I tried this recipe for Blueberry and Strawberry Buttermilk Cake. I wish I had read through the comments because I made one mistake. I should have cut up the fruit into smaller pieces. Too much fruit, or too large of pieces, make it harder for the cake portion to bake through properly and evenly. Therefore mine is a little overdone because the toothpick kept coming up with batter. Despite being overcooked, it really is a light-tasting cake and the flavor of the berries is just right. I would have taken a picture but mine sure doesn't look like the one on the website! Now I still need to use up some small potatoes, carrots and radishes. That should be easy.
I will not lie. The last few weeks has not been my best. I think I let the stress of going from doctor to doctor to doctor, never getting any time out for myself and have some fun, really get to me. I remember a time when, although stressed, I wasn't out to try and be someone I am not. I think in the last twelve months I've been trying to be what I think others expect of me. I quit stitching things that make me happy and was trying to figure out what super artsy thing I should be doing. I stopped listening to my voice and listened to all the others telling me to behave this way, do this, react that way instead, etc. Once I stopped listening, once all the opinions and influences were shut out of my head, I realized that no matter which way I go, all roads end up at the same place.
I can't go on like this, going to four or five appointments every week. I'm letting all this take over my life and it sucks. So! Hopefully I'm at the maintenance level now and I can just go a couple times a month from now on. Even better if I can get off some medications too down the road. Almost two months of 3-5 appointments a week is shitty. Maybe it's time to revisit acupuncture.
Even though I probably burned some bridges, I am feeling more peaceful. I feel like I've finally accepted that these conditions aren't going away. Having these issues is not extraordinary; it's normal. This is my new normal and some days will be worse or better than others. But there is no need to dwell on something that is an every day thing now, right? And I don't need to convince anyone that I hurt, or I'm exhausted. If they don't believe me, that's their problem. I don't have to like my situation either, and it's only a small piece of the greater picture. I have more good things in my life than bad.
That brings me to the HAPPY PLACE. To get back to my happy place (not to be confused with a happy ending) I made a list of things I would like to stitch and I spent two, painstaking days working out all the details of the first pattern. My spouse and I have a new blog in the works and I'm re-watching all the Harry Potter movies. Right now I'm laying on the floor (because I feel like shit) with my beautiful, silly and smart baby girl while we (I) watch Harry Potter. Such simple things, and yet it took me so long to get back to the basics.
I have to go now. EK and I have more Harry Potter to watch. More like I am trying to watch the movie while she tries to eat my hat. Have a good day. Tschus.
