Tough job

It's only been a couple of weeks but I already feel overwhelmed. I was only alone half the day today and I found myself unable to juggle the bottle, the dogs, cleaning nipples, answering the phone, emptying the dishwasher and trying to comfort a newborn who would not settle down for anything. She fussed, she flailed, she wanted to eat every two hours, even though we had worked up to every four hours. Today was just not her day, even though she slept well last night. And I even had a break over the last two nights! My wonderful mother-in-law kept her in her room for the last couple of nights to give us some rest.

I'm not sure what I will do when she leaves and I'm taking night shifts and doing the day stuff. I already feel like I'm failing, barely treading water. I hope this gets better.

Granted not every day will an embroidered pillow case get looped around the button on my back pocket. Of course the phone rings while I'm turning circles around myself, trying to get a pillow unstuck from my ass, with a baby in one hand, my chin on the bottle while she feeds and then the fuckin' phone rings. Then again, maybe it WILL be that crazy every day.

Sometimes I think maybe I don't have the touch. Maybe I don't talk to her enough or the house is too loud, or maybe too quiet. Too cold? Am I not holding her right? Is she feeding laying too flat, too upright? Have I coaxed enough burps out of her? She farted, does that mean she's going to poop? I can't leave her sleeping in a poopy diaper can I?

*sigh*

I hope it gets better. Soon. Or maybe Santa will bring me a saner, better balanced brain.