I need to blog more frequently again, so all the intermittent posts aren't so tragic. Another death. Last weekend a friend was out riding her new motorcycle and crashed into a tree. She was my age, 36 years young.
Dianna was so many things: a friend, an animal rescuer and advocate, a gorgeous pinup, a project manager and all around wonderful person. This lady lived. She was always out at the rockabilly shows, always volunteering her time and energy to help pit bulls and other breeds. I don't know why it was her time to go, but I do know there is a huge hole in so many hearts because of her passing. Mine included.
Her death, and the death of my ex, at such a young age is fueling my paranoia about my own mortality. My mom died at 38 and as a kid I was convinced I wouldn't live to 40. Now I'm closing in on 37 and without realizing it, I am becoming more and more fearful of death. I feel like I have to love on my daughter a lot, like my mom did with me, because I could die any day. Now, I know that this is true for everyone. We all will die, someday. But for me, I felt like I could never see myself living to old age, some disease is bound to take me young. I am trying my best to not feel that way, but these passings have rattled me. I keep thinking I'm pissing my life away, taking it easy all day to try to prevent a flare. I feel like life is passing me by. I want people to come to my memorial service someday and say, "She had a zest for life. She did so much, was so happy and loved so many."
The day after I found out about Dianna's death, I took some time to walk the dogs by myself. I needed to be out in the grass and trees. I needed to be in nature. And while I was out, I came across a turtle who was trying to hide itself in our front bushes. We had heard earlier in the day kids gushing about a turtle they found. Well the poor guy must have escaped from the children. Gosh, he was cute. Right away I decided to take that little bugger out to the creek so he could go on living his life. I put him in a box and hopped in the car.
Parking near the drainage creek near our house, I trudged through the dry grass. The ground lined and cracked from drought. When I reached the creek, with box and turtle, I found it completely dry. And where water should have been, trash and detritus littered the area. So I left the car and set off through the grass, following the creek to see if there was some water, some where, dammed up away from the road. I'd seen beaver activity back there on previous walks so I thought it was a possibility. After not finding even a mud puddle, I finally decided to leave him near the creek bed and maybe rain would come soon. As I watched him crawl away from the box, I thought of Dianna. Of course, God would send me an animal to rescue when the pain and sadness of losing this amazing woman was slicing into my heart. All I could think was that God sent me a turtle to tell me it's ok. She's here with Me and she is happy and her love is shining down on all of us. And we should keep living, keep helping, keep rescuing. Because that's what she would want us to do with our lives.
And you know what? The very next day we had rain that didn't stop for a day and a half. See? The turtle is back in his habitat and now he has that water he needs to live. Funny how that all works out.
Thank you God, for the turtle, and for the time I had with my friend. God bless us and Dianna, I'll catch you on the flip side. Tschus.
